So for years I was taking care of my mom. I ignored the world and hated myself in the process. My mom past in June and I decided it was time to try and be somewhat normal before life passes me by. I ended up being introduced to a guy by one of my friends. My friend and the guy have been friends for years. Long story short we have been dating for a month. The guy is really nice and patient with me in general and with intimacy. I am pretty shy and have very little experience with relationships. I have never had sex before and the idea of it still has me worried. I told him early that I never had sex before and not sure if I ever could he said he was ok with that. We have moved forward into our relationship and have gotten very close to having sex but decided not to move forward because he didn’t have a condom. I’m on depo for PCOS so technically I am on birth control but I have done research and want to make sure we are as safe as possible. He’s also going to get an STD test before hand to make me more comfortable. I have now said I still don’t know about sex and he said that he now hopes it happens. He doesn’t pressure me or guilt trip me. However I feel guilty on my own that I just can’t be normal and see it as a normal part of a relationship. I have so many issues especially self hate that he’s been patient with but I do feel like it would be easier on him if he was with a normal person. I told him this and he says he doesn’t want to be with anyone else and that it’s crazy talk.
6 comments
Have you considered seeing a therapist?
DO you want to have sex? yes or no? cos its a responsibility on its own and can be fun too.
Just try to relax and not rush things. It will happen when the times right and you’re ready. You will know when the times right. Good luck!
I think you’re overthinking it a bit. If you want to have sex, and you have a trustworthy partner, go for it. Just remember….nobody’s perfect. It takes a bit of time to fully “sync” together, but the learning process can be so much fun!
Definitely overthinking it. I was 23 the first time I had sex and I was shocked that it was very enjoyable and I even orgasmed. I expected it to be awkward and painful.
I also forced myself to stand in front of him, bare naked with lights on. It was hard and it was my biggest fear as I’m a plus size girl. With that out of the way and him still really wanting me – it allowed me to embrace the euphoria that is love making. We also continued to date for a year, so he didn’t hit it and quit it.
i agree with the others, it does seem like you are overthinking it. the first time will be awkward and thats fine, the important thing is you both take it slow and grow as a couple together. it sounds like you have a very loving and patient partner.
i think you are too worried about all the things that could go wrong and putting way too much pressure on yourself. im not too familiar with what birth control you are on but you can always have a conversation with your doctor to sure you are protected if you are worried.