When I see how my female friends’ dating lives work it’s just frustrating. They are all seemingly good women with zero issues. They’re college students in good degree programs, they’re not dumb sorority girls. But the guys they actively choose to date are just terrible.
They’re the frat guys that do nothing but drink till they black out, throw parties that women get harassed/assaulted at, be high key misogynistic and chauvinistic, use them and other women for sex, and just in general the exact opposite of what I have believed that girls want in a partner. I’ve seen one girl straight get yelled at by her frat boy boyfriend at a party because she wanted to leave and he didn’t . The only really plus I see that those guys have is that they’re taller decent looking white guys. And I get that’s a pretty big plus, but it’s just crazy to me that they are willing to overlook the so called “unattractive” behaviors just for that.
It makes me feel resentful. Like I’ve tried to be cognizant of unattractive behaviors like that. I feel like I’ve been putting in a ton of work to make myself into a person that’s attractive to women emotionally and personality wise while doing what I can physically, but it hasn’t helped. And seeing my friends choose guys who are objectively terrible bothers me so much.
How do I not feel this way?
20 comments
You’ve never let someone treat you bad cause they were hot ?
Thats a pretty normal phase when you’re a teenager isnt it? We all have to learn sometime
How old are yall ?
There’s only one way here my friend… You must hold an INTERVENTION.
It literally has nothing to do with you. Who someone else dates shouldn’t matter to you
Don’t worry friend, just wait in line. In a few years when the frat boys are done with them and they are older and more experienced, they will come to you.
But in general, as a dude, I think that people usually date at their level, usually mentally. So don’t let appearances fool you. Either the fratboys are better than you think or the girls are worse than you think.
Just wait: I have friends both male and female, in their mid to late 30’s that still let people do this to them. One friend was obsessed with a dude who was unemployed and literally lived in his parent’s basement, while she made six figures. That same guy has slept with half of my female friends. Dating is hard. I get it though, I’ve gone a little too far into things with a good looking but shit person a few times myself.
Let them burn. People need to figure out their own issues just stay in your lane and ignore their complaints.
41 M. I agree with everything you said. I’ll seriously never understand how someone can be with an abusive guy, but leave a decent person laying in the dust. I’d like to think that I’m “handsome” enough (Italian-American, so dark hair and olive skin). I was overweight for some time, and still am. But I had some major health issues earlier this year, and I’m almost 100 pounds lighter than I was in March at this point. Still have weight to lose, but I’m doing well. I’m also 5 ft 8, and that’s never going to change. I’ve never been specifically told I was too short for someone, but I do know that women like taller guys. I also know that I treat women like gold. But I’ll never understand why a woman would leave a guy who treats them well on the side of the road in favor of a monster simply because he’s tall. (And for the record, I went on a couple of dates with a woman over six foot last year. I felt somewhat awkward at first, but that was never an issue because we had good chemistry together. It was never more than going out to dinner a couple of times – and it ended because it turned out she was pregnant…by her previously estranged husband. Baby’s been born, and they’re happily back together now.)
Why be resentful?
You have your standards, they have theirs. It just means that none of these girls is the one for you. Good to know!
Let them live as they wish, and look around until you find a girl that shares your values.
Honestly, don’t know.
If I were in a situation of feeling resentment towards my friends, then I would, like you, be trying to resolve my feelings within myself rather than getting more information from my friends to understand them. That’s not the solution. The solution is telling them because all you’re doing is wasting time letting these feelings rot in yourself – and a good friend wouldn’t want you to resort to self-harm.
I hope your friends are merciful and the good kind of responsive because you’re trying to understand their position of letting by guys treat them like dirt. If not, they didn’t deserve you telling them all your feelings, not just the good ones. A good one would come back and apologize profusely for being a douche if they don’t all embrace you immediately lol
holy shit reddit.txt lmao
Real answer is therapy
yeah sometimes it’s like that man, but as hard as it might be to believe rn, not every girl is a shallow b. this some will like you for who you are, others will go for assholes. there’s not much you can do about it. i would take some time away from these friends if they bother you, and just accept that they’re gonna go for a certain guy. i don’t know how old you are but it sounds like an age thing, i feel a lot of women around college age always go for the frat boy, but not all of them do.
Amongst the various things women should be allowed to do, having bad taste in men and making bad decisions is one of them.
I’m assuming there is no manipulation going on where these frat boys are tricking these women into relationships.
If this is the case then honestly my advice is to leave them alone and let them burn. I know it seems harsh but if these girls are willing to be treated like shit just because the guy is hot then let them. They made their decision so now they gotta live with the consequences.
As for you I would distance myself from them as it’s clear it’s not healthy for you to continue being their friend. Don’t wait around and be there when their relationship eventually falls apart you have your own wants and desires. It’s college so go and make new friends, try new things and experience new stuff. Let them live their life and you yours.
I think the best way to look at it is that you have zero control with who your friends choose to date. Keep working on being the best version of you. What i’ve found is that these people either ween themselves out of your life because you’re on a different course or they smarten up. Just keep your head up and understand your worth as a person has nothing to do if you’re single or not. Maybe let them know that too.
I taste something in my mouth and it seems to be bitter.
Maybe I’m reading this wrong, but bro, friend, amigo: Comparison is the thief of Happiness and you’re letting it happen.
Don’t try to put yourself up against those standards because honestly, they aren’t for you. Set your own levels, do your own thing, and things are bound to be different. Don’t try to copy or relate or compare to bs, because you’ll just become like them.
Time to find new a new friendgroup, it sounds like? There are plenty of people who don’t behave like that, even in college, but you will not find them at frat parties and the like.
Sex doesn’t have shit to do with morality and ethics. Sex is primal. These guys excite them sexually. You? You’re harmless. Too nice. These women are not stupid. They know the score whether they want to admit it or not. When you are a hot guy, you can get away with treating most women like shit or at least being indifferent about the relationship with them. You’re still gonna get your dick wet. I’m just giving you the cold truth. You asked.
It’s the same way with guys. Hot girl comes into their lives and their rationality and sensibility fly right out the window. She lies to him, cheats on him and he keeps taking her back.
Seen this movie 8 million times.
True attraction is unnegotiable, it’s not subject to logic or reason. Why do you think you have to take accountability on their behalf. Let them deal with the consequences. And regarding being attractive, do what they do, it gets results right. Increase your value and forget about what they think.
The irony of you calling others misogynistic while using the phrase “dumb sorority girls”.
I don’t know about your school but at mine, the sorority women also happened to be college students in good degree programs.