My partner of 6 years suddenly broke up with me 2 months ago. We lived together and shared a car and pets. We had plans for the future together. It crushed me completely but I was able to start healing until 3 days ago when he came home and had a complete mental meltdown. He told me he cheated on me with a friend of his, but the guilt crushed him. I asked how he felt about her, and he said he doesn’t know. I asked how he felt about me and he said he loved me. I learned that the thing between them cooled off faster than he expected and that he was second guessing his decision to break up, and that it had started while we were still together. I helped him pick himself up over the last couple of days and thing seemed to get better. We spoke about going to couple’s therapy and see if we can fix our relaitionship. Today he went to break up with her, and came home after several hours defiant and mean and generally not nice. He said he broke up with her but will not block her on various messengers or other social channels. He also went and did things against my explicit wishes, which made me feel very disrespected and unappreciated. It seems that everything we spoke about in the last few days has gone down the drain. I spent all of my energy helping him out of his misery and now I feel I can’t do this anymore. He doesn’t respect my boundaries with the excuse that it goes against what he thinks is right (e.g. blocking her and going NC with her). I feel so defeated and I don’t know what to do.
4 comments
He took several hours to break up with her? Then comes home angry and defiant that he won’t cut her off? Hate to tell you what it looks like to an outsider. He may have gone over to breakup with her, but he didn’t, they had a session, he came out of it with the same gutless demeanour now trapped by his lying, he tells you he’ll break it off with her and block her and work on your relationship. And probably told her the same about you, or other completely lies. He’s agitated because he’s trapped by his own actions and lack of a backbone. You should kick him out to be honest. He only tried to work things out with you because his affair cooled off and he worried he’d be left out on how own.
I can tell you from experience… A relationship does not come back after cheating. The trust is gone, and it’ll never come back. NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY. If he cheated, he’s not even worthy of your loyalty. Where was his? Nonexistent. At least he was finally honest about why he abruptly broke you heart. Took him long enough.
Cut your losses and admit defeat. It’s proving to be a game you don’t get a benefit out of winning anyway. This person has serious character flaws.
You lead the horse to water. He isn’t giving you humane treatment. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm. It makes others have to do the same for you.
You don’t need any advice. You just need motivation. Do what you know must be done.