Hey guys,
I’m 25, I’ve had this problem since I first started having sex when I was 19. It’s not like I’ve never finished during sex, I definitely have, but I’d probably say I finish only 1 out of every 4 times or so during sex on average. The only person I really overcame this with was my ex-girlfriend a few years ago, but it was still an issue with her at first too.
I think the worst part too is that I never have any issues staying hard (like, not once have I gone soft in a girl) but my mind RACES when I’m having sex, my anxiety can get extremely bad during it and it’s really, really hard for me to focus. The worst is when I feel like I’m getting close to finishing and then the anxiety kicks in HARD; like with my FWB right now, the most recent time we had sex, I was getting close and then the anxiety almost shut my dick off from finishing, I felt I had to cum ASAP and my anxiety almost shut my dick down in a way (it still stayed hard though). I had to finish myself off while she kissed me, and even then the anxiety kicked in and made it harder.
Funny thing is, I’ve noticed that the only time that I’ve really not had many issues finishing is when I smoke weed before sex (I live in a legal state). That definitely helps calm me down. But I don’t want to have good sex while high every time, I want to while sober as well.
Does anyone on here have any suggestions to help with something like this? I tried masturbating a lot less to be more sensitive (a little too much porn is definitely a part of the DE I think), but it didn’t help a ton because my anxiety is the way bigger reason for me IMO. My FWB feels bad about it (even though the sex is good) and I have to explain to her it’s not her fault, I even have DE issues masturbating sometimes. Also, I do talk to a therapist for my anxiety, but it’s not a sex therapist, just a regular one.
Thanks again all. Also, I’ve only ever had protected sex, never unprotected.
2 comments
I feel related to your situation. I started having sex when I was 16 years old. I realized since day one I could not cum from sex alone. At first, I though it was cool because I could last forever and my girl would be more than satisfied. However, every sexual encounter I had left me feeling unsatisfied and overall sad. I then decided that as long as my girl finished and was satisfied, I would be okay too. I took the pressure off and for me it was when I learned how to enjoy sex. A few months later, I finally was able to cum and realized the problem was in my head all the time. So, take it easy and enjoy your sexual encounter without any pressure. You won’t be able to cum until you change your mindset.
Sounds a lot like performance anxiety.
RELAX.
The more you worry about not cumming, the less likely it is that you will. (Probably why smoking weed helped. You got out of your head),
First, engage in a lot more foreplay before intercourse. Don’t rush into it. Enjoy the process. When you are fucking, don’t worry about not cumming. Just enjoy fucking. Take in the visuals. Get intimate with her. Feel her breath. Let all your senses be aroused. Know that if you’re lasting a long time, as long as she doesn’t get uncomfortable, you’re going to seem like a legend. So imagine yourself as a right stud. If she does, take a break or lube up. Nothing says you’re on a timer. It’s OK to start and stop. Switch to oral for a while. Whatever. And do your best to keep her turned on. The hotter she gets, the more excited your brain will also get.
Let go. It’ll happen.
But if it persists, you can always “pregame” by masturbating but stopping short of orgasm prior to activities.
Worst comes to worst, seek medical help. But if you have no problems rubbing one out, your problem is either mental, or you have death grip. Loosen your grip when masturbating, or use a toy instead. You already know to lay off the porn.
Good luck. Edited to add: get her off at least once orally or digitally before fucking. Takes some pressure off so you can focus on your own enjoyment more.