I (f29) have been with my bf(30) for about 5 years. We went on our first date when we were like 20/21 but ended up dating different people at first . We moved in together about a year and a half ago. He asked me if I would like to get aplace with him but when it came down to it I felt like I did all the work and he seemed hesitant. He reassured me that he wanted to do this.
We’ve had a lot of intimacy issues since moving in. I felt like I was always the one initiating sex but he would always reassure me that he’s just going through a lot and it wasn’t me. There were times that a month would go by without sex and I would have to initiate it for anything to happen. Most of the time we would have sex once a week.
I should mention, our schedules are completely opposite . I work during the day and he works graveyard. Our days off sometimes don’t match up either so I’ve always just told myself it’s because of this.
I tried spicing things up by buying lingerie but that didn’t really work .I started feeling really insecure and tried figuring out what I’ve been doing wrong. Was it me? Is my body not enough ? Why is it so difficult for him to be intimate with me?
I became very paranoid and searched for answers so of course I went on to Instagram. I found a couple women he followed on there. Half naked, hot, sexy, etc.
I confronted him about some I found months ago and he apologized and said he was ashamed. He deleted them for me. Well a few weeks later he follows them again. This happened like 5 times. Each time I cried and felt even more stupid than the last. He deleted his Instagram and said he didn’t realize it was becoming a problem and ruining our relationship. He said he was addicted to social media or whatever. (I didn’t ask him to delete it btw)
He also watches porn. Not a lot but when I leave and even when I’m in the other room on my days off I’ve noticed. I haven’t confronted him about the porn but I will. I don’t think he was addicted to social media, I think he’s addicted to the accessibility of half naked women. This entire year I’ve felt like it’s been my fault and it’s ruined my self esteem. I’m realizing I may not be the problem even though I feel crazy at times. The stupid thing? I love him and don’t know if I should move on or fix things. I acknowledge my insecurities and it’s something I have to fix on my own. But am I overthinking?
I should add that I have OCD and it makes me overthink everything in my relationship. Just want some help/support.
TL;DR
Boyfriend might be watching too much porn/ instagram naked girls/ twitter porn/ and it’s affecting our sex life. Should I leave? Am I overthinking ?
8 comments
[deleted]
>I tried spicing things up by buying lingerie but that didn’t really work
Hair colour? (you might try a wig of a notably different colour)
> I think he’s addicted to the accessibility of half naked women.
(admirable restraint imo, only ‘half’ naked)
>He said he was addicted to social media or whatever. (I didn’t ask him to delete it btw)
Sounds like he’s seriously trying.
>I have OCD
so, anxiety’s often something you contend with?
You aren’t satisfied with y’alls sex life and he’s doing nothing to fix it. Sit him down for a relationship check in and ask if he’s happy with everything. Tell him before hand like hey on Friday night we are going to have a relationship check in so think about what you want to talk about. So he has time to gather his thoughts. Then let him tell you his perspective on y’alls relationship. And then you tell him y’alls intimacy isn’t cutting it. Then sit back and see if anything changes. If nothing changes then you know this will never change and it’s time to decide if this is what you want in a relationship or not. I personally would have lost my shit with the unfollowing and refollowing because that’s sneaky in a way that I won’t tolerate in a relationship.
Google sunk cost fallacy.
I’m going to say that I’ve worked graveyard shift for a long time. And you become a zombie.
It’s not natural to stay up all night and it’s going to have a fax on him and his mental and emotional status. He’s probably just coasting along can’t even realizing life is going by. I think the social media stuff is his way of kind of just getting lost and getting away but without even realizing that he’s damaging you.
Porn is a rough addiction for any guy who gets involved with it. He’s gonna have to show you he’s ready to work address or you might have to make a decision soon
Sounds like he is just a roommate at this point. Tell him you need a partner who wants to have sex or you are gone.
Too much porn is killing his relationship with you. Tell him to get professional help on it. Hope you guys stay together.
You need to leave him. There are a lot of red flags here that i’m sure others have pointed out. He just doesn’t seem to care about your feelings, so there’s really no reason why you should stay.