I read stories about how much this guy loves this girl and how much that guy is suffering for that girl, and I never once been “that girl”.

I have been in love but it was always one sided. Not a single man I loved loved me back.

I have *always* been the one who took initiative and approached men, both online and offline, and got rejected by every single one. All of the men who rejected me told me I’m beautiful, intelligent, sweet, etc. and “it’s me not you”.

I knew they probably only said that in order not to hurt my feelings so I went and asked random men online that don’t know me for an honest evaluation of my looks. Every single person said I look great, and that I’m very beautiful and cute. That made me feel a bit better but also confused as I don’t understand if I’m beautiful and have a good personality as these men say, how come not a single man has fallen in love with me? And how come every man I ever approached has rejected me? I don’t get it.

Anyway, I have started to feel very inferior to other women because women younger than me have had multiple relationships and multiple men in love with them, and since I haven’t had the same experience it makes me feel inferior. Whenever I see a couple kissing etc. on my social media feed, I get a horrible sinking feeling. I don’t enjoy seeing those videos.

9 comments

  1. You are only 24. These younger generations these days change partners like they change shoes. Don’t worry, it’ll happen, don’t try force it. Just be you and focus on being happy in yourself and the rest will come naturally.

  2. Send pic? I’ll be honest.

    What about your day-to-day life? Your social scene? A lot of guys can get intimidated/concerned by certain traits etc.

  3. I don’t have an answer as to the *why* (it could even be a mere statistical fluke), but about the *feeling of inferiority*, those concepts would surely help quite a lot:

    – [heteronormativity](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heteronormativity)
    – [compulsory sexuality](https://radtransfem.tumblr.com/post/100354735492/compulsory-sexuality)
    – [amatonormativity](https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity/)

    To summarize, society teach people that you have to have sex and be in a relationship to be fully human and for your life to be worth something, so they logically tie their self-worth to those. And ironically, it hurts their dating prospects, as they may lie about what they want to “ensure” they get some, they may stress too much over it, etc.

    Also, heteronormativity make it so being a woman is seen as tied to how men see and behave towards you. I’m not saying this tie can easily be undone, but it’d be worth it, as it would mean you’d be much more relaxed about a lot of things, single or in a relationship, and wouldn’t need to enforce masculinity onto your partner to feel like a woman (I don’t know if you do that, but it happens quite a bit, even in friendships).

  5. The obvious question then would be what type of guy are you engaging with? Also we don’t need a pic of you but how do you think the general population would rate yourself and how would they rate the guys you are engaging with?

  7. I think you may have a distorted idea of what love is from the phrase “suffering for that girl”. That’s not healthy, or realistic. Few people have the types of relationships you see in movies that are just absolutely perfect or one person caters completely to the other’s every desire. If that’s what you think a relationship is then I suggest you see a therapist to work that out.

    If I’m wrong about that though, I’ll ask if you’re actually putting yourself out there in the right environments to be approached? Did you join groups in college and talk to different guys? Are you going out now and interacting with the guys you’re interested in regularly? Are you on some sort of a social league to make sure you’re interacting with them? Or are you putting headphones in and ignoring the world around you then getting home and swiping while watching tv and wondering why no one has found you yet?

    I hope you find what you’re looking for. My best suggestion to people is to make sure you get out there and meet people and interact in person and you’ll probably find someone who is interested or that you find interesting. Good luck.

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