For some reason whenever I get exited over something, or if I’m just in a really good mood I feel the need to tone it down or just stay totally silent. Even with my close friends I feel I can’t express myself positively. My friends have never really given me reason to feel this way, but just something in my head tells me I’m being “too much”. I’ve gotten to the point where I barely participate in conversation when I’m with my friends and just sorta nod along or go on my phone, and then when I do have stuff to say I feel like I’m stepping out of line. Even with new people I’m afraid I’ll weird them out. When I talk about my interests I feel like I’ll get to into talking about what I enjoy so I just never talk about them, even if my interests get brought up in conversation I feel like I will scare them off if I go to far in talking passionately about them.
I don’t know what to do at this point and the fact that I’ve been suppressing my emotions is making feel genuinely very unhappy with just life in general. I need some advice.
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Just today I saw an old friend for the first time in a very long time and acted exited to see them, but in the middle of me talking with them I just felt like a wave of “am I being too much, do I look like an idiot right now” and just kinda shut down again. I don’t even know what to do at this point!