Does anyone have advice for someone who wants to date but went through sexual abuse that is unfortunately still being talked about with family members and who had basically a dysfunctional home and parents who still put their kids against there divorced marriage till this day.
My issue is I am working on myself and my friendships I’m pretty secure in those and but I do still lack a lot of emotional and sometimes financial support from my family plus my family wasn’t affectionate growing up so no hugs no kisses just being yelled at all the time and competelely disregarded.
When I went to therapy for the first time at 17 ( I’m still going and I’m going to be 23 this year) I couldn’t cry or tell my therapist anything I can now but it took months really.
So let’s get to the real issue when it comes to dating its very hard for people I guess who went through my experience and it went on for a long time to trust guys with being physcial and it sucks because they usually want me to get physcial within a week… although I am in therapy and am doing the work and all I need to do dating still triggers me and triggers those issues when I like someone the thought of them kissing me even that is enough go set it off.
Although I do take breaks from dating every now and then I still run into this issue and I’m not a mutiple dater either since I’m only looking for something long term not short and I always make that known.
Anyways of course I’d never tell them about my sexual abuse off the bat but I usually physical things really slowly such as kissing them on the cheek and holding hands. A lot of them unfortunately think I don’t like them because I won’t kiss them full on the lips and leave within a few days after that which is in there right of course… but then it leaves me with I never get to the point where i can feel comfortable with them in order to be physical in that way.
Anyways thanks for listening!
And of course I’d never trauma dump either I could try to say it in a way that I need extra time in order to be physical but I’ve never had anyone who was patient really and just say do it when your ready type of person or ill say when I’m ready I’ll kiss you but im afraid he’ll say how long? Or something like that I dunno dating can be confusing.