I (25) have lived with my current roommate (25) for almost three years, but we have been close friends for a very long time. He got a girlfriend (25) half a year ago and she basically lives with us now, which I would have been cool with, were it not for the fact that she literally ignores me and roommate also ignores me/acts super weird when we are both around . On a good day she might say hi, but that’s it. Sometimes I will go into the kitchen to get something while they’re there and I can hear them having a lively conversation, which always abruptly ends when I enter. They then simply stay completely quiet until I have gone.
The apartment is very small, basically there are just two bedrooms and the kitchen. My bedroom has an opaque glass door, so I am always made acutely aware of a presence in the apartment. Sharing this apartment during Corona and many many lockdowns, my roommate and I spent a lot of time together. My girlfriend of over three years and I have always tried to include him, since he and I don’t really know anyone in the city we live in, and he has always seemed to be happy to be included, which is why it makes me feel like shit that they act the way around me that they do. My girlfriend lives on her own and usually comes to visit twice a week. Now, every single time she’s around, my roommate will also ignore her/ avoid her.
I plan on moving in with my girlfriend in the next year, so this situation will resolve itself in time, but I honestly feel insanely lonely living with them right now. I tried to bring it up with my roommate, by asking him if I make her uncomfortable or if there is some sort of problem, and he basically replied saying “oh we had a talk about whether or not it was important to meet each others roommates, and we agreed that we didn’t care about them” which just sounded like an attempt to get me to stop talking about it. I would be cool with this, if we were only roommates, but we are literally each others’ oldest friends? I just feel like I’m not even welcome in my own home anymore and the longer I have to live like this, the more antipathetic I become towards my friend.
TL;DR: My roommate’s girlfriend de facto moved into our apartment and they both simply ignore me/act strange, when they are together or when she is alone.
2 comments
Here is the way I see it. I have been where you are now. I ended up resenting my Girl Roomie and her boyfriend who used to practically live with us. It just rubbed me the wrong way and I even went as far as to hide my food. I am sorry but in a room mate scenario and even as bestie friends, When another one comes into the pix with them hanging Out—-YOU can get Left Out. My own opinion? They RESENT you now for being here and wish you would go so they could shack up alone there. Ignore him and her. Get your place as soon as you can with your own girl and ditch him for good. He has already done it to you.
It’s stupid to ignore someone in a tiny space when you’re going to see them again and again. I’d just start pretending they aren’t ignoring you and make small talk like you would with a stranger and don’t necessarily expect a reply. “Oh, that spaghetti looks good!” “Crazy rainstorm today!”
Don’t play their dumb game where they are acting like you’re invisible. It’s fine if they prefer to spend time without you or not have a conversation, but they’re taking it way too far.