Earlier today I offered to help my wife write her paper because she was feeling a little overwhelmed. She then mentioned, if you get me an A, I’ll do something nasty to you. Of course I was interested, however, I was like, shouldn’t it be that way anyway on general purpose? When did sex become a reward for being a good husband?
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No, sex should not be a reward. But that being said, if my bf helps me out a lot, I do offer “payment” with blowjobs. It’s obviously a joke, and he gets them pretty regularly anyway.
There is nothing inherently wrong with it so long as sex isn’t withheld as a punishment
As an extra means of reward? Not much of a problem there I would say especially if the intent is playful / jovial.
As the only way to get sex? unhealthy / somewhat manipulative.
If it’s withheld for not doing something then it would be manipulative at best. Like if my partner made a really really good meal one night I could show my appreciation through a sexual act, your wife might be doing the same. Communicate with her about this though communication is important and is key to a good relationship and sex life.
The moment sex starts getting used as “payment” or “reward” you might as well get a divorce. The idea should be that you both need and want sex. If you both needed and wanted oxygen you wouldn’t barter with each other. This sort of stuff, while harmless at the outset, will develop into resentment soon enough.
Did it pique your interest and get you to go the extra mile
Would you rather her act ungrateful and just expect because you are married
Two way street you made something easy on her and she wants to repay
Women have been using sex as a bargain chip for centuries
Why complain about it just help her and think about what you want as your reward
If sex is transactional in a marriage, it could lead to lead to deleterious effects. Already in that one instance, you might feel resentful. That instance may have been playful. It’s probably apropos to talk to her, tell her how you feel, and express your hope/expectations for how you want your sexual relationship to be (and listen to her expectations as well).
Meh. I think it depends. If my husband does something super sweet for me I’m gonna “reward” it. But, I’m not going to withhold if he doesn’t do said thing. If he has had a bad day I’m going to do my best to rock his world. I’ll joke that if he’ll wash the dishes I’ll do something for him. He never washes the dishes (he had carpal tunnel and it hurts his wrist. He’s not just being a jerk lol. He does load/unload the dishwasher every day) but I always do things for him. He jokingly says if I’ll weedeat the yard he’ll xyz. I always weedeat the yard and he always xyzs. It’s daily tasks that we’re doing anyway. We have some kind of sexual contact almost every single day. So, it’s not like we’re missing out. Kinda like if I know he’s had a bad day I’ll promise extra attention.
But what matters is if it bothers YOU. It’s definitely worth a discussion.
Do you think you should be rewarded for being a good husband? Should you only help do her paper if you know you will be rewarded?
It’s just a fun way of saying thank you.
Not in a healthy relationship, no. Transactional sex is not a healthy concept.
It’s ok man. She was being playful. Not everything in this world is vanilla
The quality of the sex correlating to the quality of activity in the relationship doesn’t seem that much of an issue with me.
You went the extra mile for your partner, they’re going an extra mile for you.
Depends on the way you communicate. If it’s playful then nothing is wrong with that. If she’s actually serious and won’t have sex with you unless you do x/y/z then it’s time to reevaluate
Turn her down and say it’s not a reward. Then cut her off for a few weeks. But don’t ask me, I’m divorced.
Sometimes, but that’s a poor motive to have sex.
I’m not into this kink. I’d help with the paper and reject the sex reward.
Keep it playful and fun and sure, sexy surprises can be a great reward! I finished wiring my wife’s building and she gave me a blowjob that days later I’m still coming down from
Even monkeys trade sex. Sex 0erhaps the oldest mean of reward – exactly how mother nature conceived it.
Women just get aroused by their man being helpful/competent, theyre a bit more complex attraction wise than us.
I think she just was in mood and playful, not rewards exactly. or your actions turn on her.
Wow dude! Chill….sounds like she was being playful
Maybe it would’ve been less of a trip for you if she would’ve just done it if she did get the A on the paper, instead of saying that before she got the grade…
I could see that being some kind of kink thing tho, like a submissive kink or something
… I’m not too savvy to all the different kinds of kinks but to me it kinda sounds like she was trying to be playfully naughty 🤷🏽♀️. If you feel like she has good intent then she probably didn’t mean anything weird with an ulterior motive… Maybe she’s into a kink thing and don’t even know it yet 🤔 could beeeee..
This is a HUGE trigger for me. My ex-wife used sex as a credit/debit system and it fucking tore me apart inside. The only time she was playful and fun as when I did some thing for her. I honestly felt like I was paying a prostitute sometimes. Other people might have a very different perspective on this, but my girlfriend and I make a point to NEVER EVER let it even appear that such a system is in play
Sex as a reward can be a fun thing, but also dangerous a bad. The reasons are fairly obvious in my opinion.
She still wants to have sex for its own sake, right? Then this is just a playful way of making difficult paper writing a little less boring.
My wife said I get some after I go to the gym. Unfortunately neither of us kept our end of the bargain for more than a few months. It was a glorious few months though.
Sounds like she was just being playful…
There are times when its wrong to use sex as a bargaining chip and such but this situation is fine I’d say.
The answer depends on the person. Some people are okay with it as long as it is just light hearted fun and not an actual transaction. I personally would never just because I’ve had too many bad experiences with women who thought letting me get them off is a reward so just hearing the idea of using sex as a reward is a turn off for me.
Don’t bring it up and push on the subject as it should be a general thing. I’d take it face value as an extra special sexual treat. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot. Use it to your advantage by playing the hand with something sexual you been wanting to try.
she was just being playful, i wouldnt overthink it🤷🏻♂️
You have violated the academic honor code.
Whenever my partners are feeling sick or depressed, I send them sexy pictures. I know they enjoy my photos, so it’s my way of showing them I’m thinking of them. I’m doing it freely and it makes me feel good to make them feel good. I view it as part of our sex life as a whole.
I think it’s mostly a non issue. Does she not ever do anything unless you’ve done a favor? If so then maybe talk to her about what you want and how often. It sounds mostly playful and like she’s just flirting for later lol but if it makes you feel that way definitely bring it up to her !
I like to play with sex so id probably say this but is not like “you have to earn it or I wont dont it at all” is just to feel the rush and excitement. Is just adding something new to sex, kinda role play
Personally, i think it is a fine line.
My wife and I never have “birthday” sex or “valentine day” sex or “thank you” sex or “you deserve it” sex.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, we do indeed have sex on those days and for those things. But, it is not all about those days or things, if that makes any sense at all.
We have great fun romantic cool meaningful dirty sex all the time. And, those days and things are just part of it as a whole.
It all depends on you and your wife’s mentality. Yes, it can be fun and silly and just that. But, it can also go down a slippery slope and get methodical.
In this case, it sounds like she was just being fun and silly. Which is cool. So, I wouldn’t try and over think it. But, as you said, that’s the type of fun and silly it should always be.