Let’s call him H, I saw H last year in December during our college dance and I was instantly attracted towards him, later we started talking in January and I realized he liked me too.
Now a bit of history about my and H’s life before we met each other.
I have been bullied my whole life and I was in a very abusive relationship and this has lead to me being very insecure and in general some what toxic.
H on the other hand has come from a very broken family where he had to witness Marital rape, his dad being an asshole to his mom and in the end his parents abandoning them (H and his older sister) and making them live with their aunt. All of H’s responsibility fell right on to his older sister and hence she couldn’t go to college and had to sacrifice a lot growing up. H’s sister blames H for all this and lowkey used resent him even though things have gotten better between them. H has been kicked out of his aunts house and was staying with his grandparents who spend most of their time in their rural area, hence making H live alone for almost 3 years now. This had caused H to look for love and care that he never received growing up in his relationships, you can say that he was pretty unlucky in that department as well as his ex gf who was also pretty emotionally unstable like me ended up using him to get better and once her mental health improved, all thanks to H, she straight up left him. Now this has made H a very close and cold hearted person. He behaves like a class clown and does stupid shit for attention because he is very lonely.
I and H were in a situationship for 3 months, during the 1st month itself I started opening up to him and I told him about all my trauma and my insecurities and there were times when I became super toxic for him, even though I liked him very much, I swear I had no control over it.
During these 3 months, 1st month was when I was peak annoying and clingy but as time passed I calmed down and towards the end of the 3 months, H finally started to open up to me, told me about his family and we even got physical. Later on just a week after he had opened up to me, he told me that he feels he will lose himself if he invests in me anymore and that in our relationship the scales weren’t balanced, I was giving him too much and he wasn’t, he said if this went on for long then I will end up hating him and hence he decided to break things off with me. I was heart broken.
But since I and H go to the same college and are in the same class, it’s really hard to avoid each other, eventually we started talking again not like texting but talking to each other In person, he had blocked me from everywhere only unblocked me from snapchat on his birthday (I think he was expecting me to wish him, I didn’t) eventually as we started hanging out again, things started going back to how it was, we were all over each other. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, he even met my parents and was really trying so hard to impress them. I remember he got so jealous when he realized I was going out on dates with other guys that he deleted my number and all.
Idk why all of a sudden he started bullying me and when I asked him why he is doing this then he simply stated that he wanted me to hate him and I just don’t understand why would he want me to hate him. I want nothing more than to be with him. When I started to understand his behavior and patterns, I started going to therapy so that I can be a better person for him and be someone he can lean on but H is just not ready to accept my help and is hell bent on making me hate him. I’m just shocked how can someone go from that to this.