I feel like it’s just insanely difficult for me to make any friends. Even back when I was in school, I was mostly shunned by my peers, made fun of, people took advantage of me, and I only really ended up sticking with four friends who I occasionally hang out with and it’s only those four guys I end up inviting to my birthday every year. I feel even worse because I often neglect them, and there’s times where I just ignore them when they wanna hang out, whether it is just playing online games or going out to the city and do stuff. I’ve been in the military since I was 17 (it’s a thing where I live) and even there I never really fit in with the others. During the day I get along just okay-ish with the others, but I hardly ever get invited to do anything in the evenings, and most of the times I go is because I actively have to ask. And even then I feel uncomfortable because it feels like everyone there already has found their friend group. Dating hasn’t even worked out for me ever anyways. I briefely dated someone online, though it didn’t really work out, although we still stayed friends, and I even visited them three times, but they have a new partner by now, and while their relationship also is online, they have less time for me now because they choose to call with their partner most of the day, obviously. Which I understand, so I leave ’em alone. I tried dating apps, which never really worked out either, and within the last year and a half I only really hooked up three times. I just feel like I am at my wits’ end and I don’t know what to do anymore at that point.
2 comments
Doesn’t sound as if you are doing that badly, you just downgrade what you do have, like the four long-term friends or the dating. Where’d you get all that self-esteem? Critical home life growing up?
I know how you feel. Some people just don’t mesh with the general population. You’re actually doing alright having a handful of close friends; you do need to try harder to maintain those relationships if you want to keep them. At the very least, communicate why you aren’t hanging out and let them know how much you DO value their friendship.
In my experience, I felt like attractiveness made a big difference. When I gained a lot of weight, it felt much harder to make and keep friends. You can take steps to make yourself more attractive, even if you are kinda ugly. You can also learn & practice your social skills (read How to Win Friends and Influence People, etc).
It’s also good you’re inviting yourself to social events, even if you feel like they don’t want you there. As you get older, you will stop caring as much and just enjoy the activities.
Ask yourself if you would want to be your own friend, or if you like people who are like you. If not, look to people who you personally find engaging or seem engaging to others and emulate their behavior in a genuine way (complimenting others, having a positive attitude, etc).
You might also try seeking some talk therapy to help you improve yourself and seeking out hobbies or social groups where people with similar interests to yours hang out (like gaming events for gamer-types, or a public book club, RC car races; idk).