I(22) Male was in a 6-year-old relationship with my school crush.We were in same class. It was my 1st love & maybe last. I proposed her during our 5th grade. We were dating till 11th std. As soon as I joined college, I got attracted to a new girl. I then started dating 2 girls at the same time.
Little did I know that 3 things cannot be long hidden:
The Sun, The Moon and the Truth.
Eventually, my old girlfriend came to know that I was double dating/cheating.
I agree that I cheated on her. I agree what I did was wrong.
But, as soon as I knew that this day will come out one day I left the 2nd girl and went for my old girlfriend. Ofcourse, my old girlfriend came to know about this new girl 3 months past after our breakup.
It’s been 5 years since I broke up with my old girl. I apologized to the new girl(The College girl) and the guy she left me for and will be asking forgiveness to my old girlfriend after 5 years.
It’s been 2 years that I’ve been dealing with anxiety.
Every anxiety has a triggered effect, mine is Emetophobia and claustrophobic.
The reason why I waited 5 years just to apologise to my old girlfriend was that as soon as we broke, my keen interest in studies left downwards.
Now as I obtained my degree, it would be better if I do apologize to her.
She didn’t deserve these all. Also, I am not lying but I did tried to be in a new relationship years ago. But, each time I used to see any other girl, I used to compare the new girl with my old girl.
So, I have been single since my last breakup which was 5 years ago. If I couldn’t have cheated on my old girlfriend, it would be 11 years of bonding.We are still celebrating 11 years in a parallel universe.
Ps: My english is not that good.Do ignore the mistakes and suggestions/advices are appreciated.
TL;DR – Feeling guilty about my old breakup and confessing them to my ex some day.
4 comments
Your Ex doesn’t care, nor want any post-humorous apology. She moved-on and you should too.
So what’s your question?
Also, I know you said English isn’t your first language, but I’ll tell you, the title of your post is not accurate. There’s no way you dated these girls at the same time because of “the love.” You did not love these girls if you did this to them. At the very least, you did not treat them with love. You did it for selfish reasons, not because you loved them so much.
And apologizing to an ex years after the fact is only something you should do if you know it would be a positive thing for them. Don’t do it because you feel bad, don’t do it because you hope it might reopen communication, don’t do it if you’re not sure they want that apology.
OP, your motivation is well-intentioned – but I’d advise you NOT to recontact your ex to apologize for cheating on her. She’s healed and moved on by now, and any contact from you would just reopen that old wound. If she actually wanted to talk to you or re-establish a friendship, she would have reached out to you on her own before now.
Also, you can’t assume that if not for your cheating, you’d still be together with your childhood sweetheart 11 years later. Very few teenage romances survive the big changes that come with the transition into young adulthood, and in your case you were barely even adolescents when you became exclusive – you both missed out on the typical (and HEALTHY) high school pattern of casually dating a number of people, before finding someone who really clicked in all the important ways. If you hadn’t actively cheated on your ex, it’s likely that either you or she would have ended the relationship during your college years anyway. Of course it was wrong to cheat on her rather than end things first, but it sounds like you’ve learned that lesson and it won’t happen again. So I’d err on the side of kindness, and not bother your ex with a confession that would likely make YOU feel a lot better, while not helping and potentially hurting her with memories she would prefer to keep in the past.
I’d also recommend getting professional therapy for your severe anxiety and its unfortunate side effects. It’s a highly treatable condition, and resolving your mental health issues will help to make you a much better partner in your next relationship. I wish you well.
I would leave her alone. It sounds like you are hung up on her but she isn’t that person any more and has likely moved on after 5 years. It sounds like you need to do the same. You have to accept your mistake and there isn’t a way to necessarily make it right. That is life. You are better off just letting go of the past and not repeating the mistake.
Apologizing because you feel guilty and or still hope to reconnect is selfish. If you care about her now you should leave her to pursue happiness that doesn’t involve you.