Update! He found out a few other friends are bringing their wives and gfs so he is fine with me coming and said he wants me to meet some of his old friends I haven’t had a chance to meet yet. He said everything he said was just said in anger. I’ll probably decide on the day of, if I actually want to go. Depending on my energy and his vibe and just the overall mood. If I have something better to do I’ll do it. But if he genuinely seems ok with me coming on the day, I’ll go.
Tl Dr at this point i do not know if SOs will he coming! I have no idea. my bf is having his hs reunion and I thought SOs were going and he said he didn’t want me to come and refused to find out if other people are bringing their SOs. He said he felt like he’d have to tend to me at the event bc I wouldn’t know anyone. I’m confused bc I know his friends their girlfriends and I’m outgoing and never need tending to. I feel so confused and I don’t know what to do. It was a bad convo and haven’t had a chance yet to talk about it again in a calmer state.
my bf is having his hs reunion soon and he helped to organize it. It’s not a traditional one at a banquet hall, it will be partially at a bar. All boys school.
I asked him if SOs were coming and he was super indirect in answering me.
Finally after a couple times of him mentioning it’s coming up I said point blank okay so is it for SOs as well or no?
He said I don’t know. I said is anyone else bringing their spouse or SO..? He said again he didn’t know. (I feel like he isn’t inquiring on purpose bc I really think people are bringing their SOs, I feel like that’s standard for these types of events and he could just text a buddy and ask)
He had this really stressed and irritated look on his face and said “well you can come if you want.”
I was like “well not with that type of invite. It really seems like you don’t want me there! If that’s the case just say so.”
So he said “fine. I don’t want you to come, I just want to go have a night out alone with my friends, you’ll be bored and I’ll have to tend to you and I just want to focus on seeing all my friends.”
FYI I’m a huge extrovert who thrives in social situations and meeting new people and my bf and I rarely stick together at parties, I’m always getting to know people. I don’t need tending to by him ever.
Also I know all of his friends— since they will be there and probably their girlfriends who I also know I would be talking to the girlfriends too?
I think it’ll be so weird if all his buddies brought their girlfriends and wives and then he comes alone! I’m concerned. I don’t want to be left out and I just wonder if there is another reason he doesn’t want me there. If the main reason is he thinks I’ll take away from his time with them, then that’s super hurtful bc he knows I’m very social and am good on my own.
I’m so confused and feel like he hates me. He stormed off so we haven’t discussed further yet.
Am I being pushy about this? What do I do? What can I say? Just leave it?
13 comments
It is weird but he clearly communicated what he wanted eventually. You need to convince him you’ll be chill or not go and probably resent him for a while.
Either he’s ashamed of how u look or he’s planning on hitting on some of his old school buddies. Red flag either way
Why can’t he just go by himself? He told you that’s what he wanted after enough prodding I don’t see anything wrong with that
Maybe he doesn’t want you to go because you are so outgoing. Maybe he’s worried that you’ll dominate the conversations and take away from his time with his friends and he just gave the first excuse he could think of.
Info how long have you been dating?
You’re not being pushy. This is exactly the kind of thing people do bring their spouse or SO to. To me, it sounds like he’s hoping to hook up with an old flame or crush. In any case he’s not being very polite to you. Sorry.
If it’s an all boys school, the other guys are probably not bringing their girls either.
So it’s just a night to “bro around”. He doesn’t want to make the night uncomfortable for the other guys by bringing you.
It’s really that simple
This could be an event he has built some expectation in his mind and he has some anxiety.
He wants to concentrate on the people at the event and feels like you being there would be a distraction for him. Maybe he feels anxious about his career, his weight, his accomplishments, etc. Maybe he is ashamed of some stunts he pulled in high school and is worried someone will say something. He
There is no way to tell if he has some sort of secret that he is hiding about a double life or wanting to break up with you. We can’t read his mind.
what’s confusing ? he told you he wants to go out with his boys. it was a boys school. would you WANT to go now, after he didn’t invite you and literally told you he just wants to go out for a few hours without you?
He’s right and you’re wrong. Whether or not other SO’s are there, he wants to be with his high school buddies and relive his youth and not have to worry if you are ok. Even if you stood in a corner all night and never talked to him, his attention will still be on you. He is allowed a night out with friends and the more you press him, the more like a nagging wife you sound. Do something fun with your friends that night, not a revenge clubbing event, but something you will enjoy. When he comes home, be truly interested in how it went. Even if other guys brought dates, he will appreciate the fact that you let him do something alone and cared about his happiness, not just your own.
> He said everything he said was just said in anger.
Look, while it is positive he ‘apologised’ or at least opened up about it I think you both have to get real about why it was he got angry in the first place. His reasoning initially was deeply unfair and inconsistent with who you are as a person so is that really why he was upset?
Honestly, I would not be able to move past this until I got a genuine sense of what upset him so much. In the end he is just acknowledging the symptom, not the cause, and that isn’t good enough given how rude he was to you.
You sound clingy af. That’s prob exactly why he doesn’t want you there. Maybe he’s embarrassed by you because of this. Ya know… by thinking you will be the life of the party at your bfs reunion? And making him rehash in detail assumptions etc. My suggestion is to just take a hint and let him have his fun alone. So what if other SOS will be there? This isn’t a wedding it’s an all boys school reunion. Not really a place SOs come to as you suggest. They’re trying to have fun with old antics enjoy the night with their boys. Be a less over analytical gf and let them!
Have a girls night out and let him know while he reconnecting with friends you be socializing at another bar with a bunch of gf catching up.