For some context: they work together (although she is working remotely from a geographically separate area) and after they broke up they remained good friends. She calls him very frequently, usually in the early evening. When I’m with him, he doesn’t answer her calls because he’s spending time with me. He says they are just really good friends, and I do believe he sees her as just a friend but I don’t trust her intentions. I’ve brought this up to him but he doesn’t see anything wrong with her behaviour, he says that’s just what friends do. What are your thoughts?
TL;DR my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend who is one of his good friends now calls him very frequently
7 comments
This is tricky because they work together. There’s going to be constant communication because of that. I think the simplest thing would be to sit down with him and tell him this bothers you and that you would like him to limit contact with her outside of regular business periods.
It honestly sounds like you want him to drop her as a friend and it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.
If you say believe and trust him. Then believe and trust him.
They are friends and she lives somewhere else. He doesn’t disrespect your time. What are you worried about?
>What are your thoughts?
External parties are not responsible for managing your relationship boundaries and your/your partner’s feelings about each other’s other relationships.
It matters less what this person’s intentions are, and more how healthy your partner’s boundaries are with that person/others.
You clearly have some insecurities that are coming up for you and you can address that through convos with your partner about your feelings once you figure out what exactly the problem is for you – eg are you worried your partner will have less time for you because they’re spending time conversing with the other, do you feel less special because they’re giving someone else attention, do you feel insecure about your appearance vs theirs… If you can identify what specifically is making you feel jealous and insecure, you’re in a better position to ask your partner for help to address it.
You need to have an open relationship
That sounds like good friends who like to call each other. It sounds like he doesn’t answer when he’s with you, and it’s not really late at night. Are you upset she calls a lot? If they were both girls, this would be normal sounding. It doesn’t sound like there’s any issues of him being inappropriate or putting her before you. I see you feel like she interferes- can you explain how? is it the frequent calls?
Been there. The woman drove him to break up with me. She turned him against me. Would always post negative comments on pictures, etc. Have a very serious talk, or get out for your own sanity. You shouldn’t be in a situation you don’t feel comfortable in.