I (30M) live with my folks and I’m trying to get a gf. Is it possible?

44 comments

  1. Why would this be an issue?

    Stop overthinking things and carry on with your life as normal.

    Don’t nit pick minor details such as this and try to give them some form of negative connotation.

  2. Yes? If you are there because you need to help your folks out then just say that at some point. If you are there because you are struggling in life then you should sort that out before dating.

  3. For any mature woman? No. With the state of the house market right now and increase in rent, it’s not out of the ordinary for people in their late 20s and early 30s to live with their parents. People in many cultures also don’t move out until they’ve settled.

  4. Yes it’s possible. Is it likely? No. Will it be pretty? No.

    Try to get an own place. Women will judge you on your ability to get an own place.

  6. this has been a conversation ender/deal breaker every time for me. financial independence becomes more important to women as they get older, and because they have other options, this is an easy red flag to avoid and find a better match.

    if you can, improve your financial situation so you can get your own place. if you are like me and can’t, get used to the single life and find hobbies to distract yourself with

  7. If it’s an issue to the person, then they’re not right for you. I (34) had to move back home because of a divorce/job loss. I got a new job but still live at home, but I started dating again and was transparent about it when it came up. With my current partner and it’s not a problem for her, because she knows I don’t want to stay here 😄

  8. It shouldn’t be an issue. Me (28F) lives with my mother atm because the house market is ridiculous these days. And most guys I’ve been on a date with weren’t bothered by it. Two even live with their parents still.

  10. I think it depends on other factors. Are you trying to get out? Do you have ambition? Are you saving money? Or are you just freeloading and not really making any moves.

    I’m 27 and I live with my parents but I had to pay my way through community college and then university, graduated last year and just got my first finance job earlier this year and I am saving money to buy a home. So I feel like it’s justified, and any half decent girl will understand my situation. Hoping to buy a home in the next two years.

  11. Look if you feel you need to move out but now can’t due to money shortage some women will accept that for some time, if your not acting on changing the fact that you are with your parents then NO, hell i as a man if someone tells me he leaves with his parents with no valid reason is a Red flag for me also to be his friend.

  12. It’s possible but eventually they’re gonna want more. They’re gonna see what your current living situation is and see what you’re going to do about it.

  13. Anything is possible. Will you be limited, yes. Being 30 & working minimum wage/ living with parents is not desirable to everyone. Do you have a degree or experience in a trade? Are you working towards a goal of saving money in the near future to move out?

  14. I think it’s unfair being judged for not having your own place. 31F still live with my parents. Not for lack of trying to move out… I’ve done it 3 times. Life happens and luckily my mom is a saint.
    I’d say it’s possible but I’m having a hard time myself.

  15. You’re in your 30s, minimum wage and live with your parents. I’m sorry but an established woman in her 30s will not go anywhere near you.
    I’m a manager, own my own home, and pay my own way in life. What could you possibly offer me?
    You may want to look into different job opportunities and better yourself financially before trying to date.
    Good luck!

  16. I’d say yes. I’m in the exact same situation. Sane age, still live at home. People won’t say to you it’s a problem but I think it is. I remember a woman I dated a few years ago making a comment that I should’ve moved out by now. We didn’t last long. I never really get past the first date and I think it is a big reason why.

    I think the expectation at this age is that you’ve moved out. Women have a lot of people to choose from thanks to the apps. No woman is going to choose the guy living at home if she doesn’t have to. Unless you look like a Hemsworth she’ll probably choose someone else.

    Idk about you OP but I get tired of feeling like I have to apologise for living at home. I understand why I have to and its why I hope to move out pretty soon

    People are more understanding nowadays because of the financial situation of many countries. But if you live at home it’s easy to be seen as a man child or someone that needs mothering. Women are always going to prefer the independent guy with his own space.

    It’s not impossible, but it’s like trying to date with one arm tied behind your back. You have to expect that you’ll have to explain and justify why you live at home. When she’s got dating apps full of guys that don’t live at home, it’s unlikely she’ll choose you. Whether you think it’s fair or not, It’s a big tick in the red flag column.

  19. I think this depends on WHY you are living with your parents.
    If you are living with your parents in order to save money as a family or help/support them, most reasonable women will not see a problem.
    If you are living with your parents because you have no money/no choice or are underemployed, that is a problem and women will not want to go near you.

  20. I mean, it depends, what are your financial goals? Do you intend to stay with your parents forever?

    I’m living with my mom right now because renting is a waste of money when I can save up and buy my own place outright. I guess it’s good to communicate what you’re aiming for financially.

  21. I think its possible. Depends on your situation. In my situation, it’s not possible. I’m 30 living with my single mother and my niece (sister’s kid) in a tiny apartment. If you live in a bigger place and have some privacy why not? Almost everyone my age still lives with their parents. At least the single ones do. My married friends have houses.

  22. Why am I still here with these lunatics (mom and dad)???
    it’s the saving money thing. It’s definitely the saving money thing.

  26. I’m in a similar situation but have been saving for a house. I’ve considered renting and can most definitely afford it but it just feels like throwing money out the window for some freedom and independence. It would slow down my goal of owning a house so I haven’t done it. Of course I give money to my parents and help pay some bills as of it were rent but is at least half of what I would be paying elsewhere and the money is helping someone I care about.

    The way I look at it, if a woman can’t look past the current situation to appreciate my goals in the future then she’s not worth my time. There are woman out there that do understand and know the reality of these things. So possible? Yes. Easy? No. You just have to be patient and understand that you’ll be filtering out shallow thinking prospects.

  27. at 30, yes, it will be a dealbreaker for most people. i (29f) haven’t lived with my parents since i was 18. i’ve lived by myself for 2 years now, one of my criteria for a partner when i was dating was that they also lived alone. most women will want a man who can at least match their level of success and independence. but some won’t care, just will shrink your dating pool by a lot.

  29. It’s not a dealbreaker for all females.. but you do need to have a game plan for how you are going to become financially stable and eventually get a place of your own. Additionally, it also matters how much space and how private that space is while living at home, IMO

  30. That’s an understandable situation for women in their early 20s but it’s gonna be a problem for most women around your age. It’s not impossible but tbh that’s not the main issue working against you. Hopefully you’re a much better guy in real life cuz based on how you responded to some of these comments you seem intolerable. Sheesh.

  31. Depends on why you are with them. My boyfriend lives with his mother and grandmother because hes helping them. If you are just there because u dont want your own place and want to just live with your parents… it would be a turn off lol

  32. It’s one thing to live with them while saving to buy a home but it’s another when you’re living with them because you can’t afford to be financially independent. That is when it becomes a dealbreaker for most women

  33. Looking at his reactions it looks like op was fishing for people to tell him it’s ok. He didn’t like hearing the truth that women do not like it. Minimum wage with your parents? No must when will not give you the time of day, and the ones that will they won’t stick around.

  35. I think it depends on the circumstances. There are alot of reasons to share housing, more so now than 10-15 yrs ago. There’s a massive housing crisis where I live, affordability, sustainability and availability are the main issues. Rent and everything is increasing threefold but wages are stagnant. Nothing is certain in life and things happen that are beyond our control. I’m 36, I had my own rental house, my partner died and my mum got sick, she moved in with me so I can care for her and we split the rent and bills. If anyone avoided or judged me because of this then they wouldn’t be the one for me.

  36. No, but the way you behave here, acting like an asshole to people who trying to help you could be the reason that you cannot get a girl 😅 Mate, look how you talk! If this is your natural self, let me say, no woman would like you! You are an arrogant, broke man in 30s who doesn’t even accept your own condition!! I have seen people who live with their parents to save and have actual purpose in lives. You are neither! 😅

  37. The replies here are sad. It probably is a dealbreaker and I kinda get it with the shit we’ve been fed about what makes someone worthy of love and respect.

    I’m 39(f) and chronically single. I work in what might be considered low paying jobs, but I really love my job (hospitality and arts and culture – I get to chat with wonderful people every day and absorb arts, movies, exhibitions, concerts etc for free)

    I’ve lived with my parents my whole life… I was told over and over again that I’m single because of this. Despite being attractive, interesting and generally quite wonderful (sorry to toot my own horn) … so I moved into a gorgeous house share. Nothing changed. I was still getting messed around by men. Hardly had successful dates. It proved my point that me living with my parents wasn’t an issue. I was now paying rent… but my lifestyle didn’t change. I was still taking holidays travelling the world, as and when I pleased and still treating myself as I always did. Comfortably. Still single. Not even close to a whiff of getting into a relationship. So I concluded that I must be arsehole. A real grotesque creature ¯_(ツ)_/¯ (I’m not).

    I did however get to experience living with a psychopath. A real manipulative ogre. But in the process made life long friends with the other 2 housemates. But I digress… that’s a whole other sub.

    The point im making is that it shouldn’t matter. But to a lot of people it does. But those who are feel so strongly about it and are mean about it are incredibly weird to me. I’ve fell for men who have low paying jobs… but they were interesting, fascinating and talented. Treated me with kindness and respect (but also some who didn’t but…)

    I don’t have a career. Never have and never will. But I gravitate towards jobs that make me happy, offer perks in return and with great colleagues. This stuff should matter.

    It’s rough out here. Financially. Mentally. Be nicer about this shit.

    I’m from London. Pakistani heritage. These factors might make a difference. Culturally. Yea a lot of the time I want my own place. Sometimes I don’t. I’m convinced I’ll never a get a mortgage so I don’t stress myself out trying to get one.

    The system is broken. Well actually… the system works for the corrupt, very well. It’s not made to work for people like us. Us ordinary folk. But I digress again.

  38. I’m 30M and to be frank it depends on the demographic. I live with my parents because I’m single and housing is expensive. I earn a great deal and I can move whenever I want, however I choose to put it away and buy the home I want without wasting the money I put away on rent or have a loan on 30 years that will limit other things. Just live your life, invest in you, find a job, travel or whatever. I understand the feeling, I feel lonely as well, but try to life your life to the fullest and think how much time you have to yourself now. Find and develop more passions and that will be attractive.

  39. it’s not really a problem, but try and look for some jobs that i’ll pay you higher than your current job.

  40. It’s so taboo to live with your parents if you’re over the age of, maximum, 20. People don’t realize that not everyone can afford a place to live on their own, let alone rent it out. We’re all going to end up living with parents or 3-4 people in an apartment (possibly house).

    It is going to be hard finding a girlfriend.

  41. Is there a problem if you don’t live with them ?

    Ideally in your 30s you should not be dependent on them but living with them isn’t a issue.
    It’s more of a blessing (unless there are serious challanges or unbearable situations)

    Live with parents, have your freedom and privacy, be there for them and let yourself grow, improve.

    Go workout, make money with right ways (big or small, start it if you haven’t), have friends, do Yoga and build yourself

  42. from the first “get your finances together”16-ish hours ago. I could feel the judgmental horde descending.🥺😳

    People who know nothing about me, making my fuckin life decisions for me like they’re some authority I should bow down to because oh fancy that they have a house or apartment and a job they hate that keeps them rolling in just enough to keep the house or McMansion or whatever ”love nest” from being mortgaged and a lifestyle just barely worth bragging about.

    So forget it.😡🥺 I thought I’d come to the World Wide Web for emotional support, but that was a mistake. 😭

  43. I think we need some more information on your situation, like why do you live with your parents is it to take better care of them?

    Have you lived away from your parents before, if yes what happened? And are you looking for somewhere else, to move into?

    The reason why I think many women find it such a big problem, is that in order to find someone for a lasting relationship you need to be somewhat compatible.

    And the situation your in, is (I imagine) far away from what most people in their thirties are going through.

    To answer your question, yes it is a problem. I still think it’s possible to find a gf but I think it would help, if you had your own place.

  44. Yes!

    Adults shouldn’t live with their parents (I live with my mother and sister) people assume your not independent and or are lazy but the reality is that many adults live with their parents now for many reasons (I’m autistic and will likely need some support all my life 😩)

    Just make sure you are making/showing progress in what ever way possible.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like