I F(26) am a modern woman, dress extremely well, support my family, myself and earn 6 figures $$$ monthly. I have hobbies, I am an artist and a writer and take trips every year. I take care of my body. Highly ambitious and know what I want. Yet the only problem I face is finding a good man who wants to put effort. All my life I’ve dated jerks (not intentionally) who only wanted to time pass and not get serious.
Never in my life have I ever played mind games with anyone or cheated or manipulated the other person either. Earlier this year I finally met someone amazing. He (30) surgeon, well settled, had the same dreams and hopes and was very romantic. Initially he was very giving and affectionate and put all efforts. A while later, he panicked things were getting serious b/w us so he broke off only to return months later. Told me he missed me terribly and made a huge mistake and wants to make things better. But this time he doesn’t want any relationship just friendship with all the benefits. Like seriously! As much as I’m a hopeless romantic, I think I’m done with dating. For once, I just want a normal guy with no games, drama and is into me for me and not my body and wants to see a future with me.
12 comments
Focus on yourself girl. The right man will come along when you’re ready.
There is a paradox here. If you know what you want, this shouldn’t be happening, should it?
Also, might want to check the social circle you have and men you interact with.
If you earn in six figures in a month in a country like India, then that is very good income.
If you earn six figures a month in the US, you earn more than a million dollars a year. That’s going to put a lot of men off. And the men who earn as much as you – most of them that I know play the field
Sounds like you’re doing all the right things, just keep on building the version of you that you envision for yourself and you’ll attract the right thing. The loneliness can sting at times but as long as you’ve got purpose and something to work towards it’s surmountable and you’ll naturally bring about what you’re looking for.
Relationships aren’t about having similar incomes and having similar dreams, they are about complementing each other so that both can fulfil each others needs. Two people focussed on work and solitaire hobbies don’t complement each other all that much despite being very similar.
You don’t need to give up, but if you keep running into the same kind of men you should probably adjust the way you seek them out. Also, evaluate what you actually want a partner for.
To be frank alot of guys want to start a family or at least I do, but I’ll be optimistic in saying most guys do. We don’t care really how much money you make, and we may have our own ambitions. If I were to meet you today for instance based on what you said I’d be immediately put off. Not because of how you describe yourself, but because I’d know you wouldn’t ever give a man like me the time of day. This isn’t about me but I hope the point shines through. Most women I know unless they want to hook up want to date up. And if you make 6 figures a month, are in shape, and I’m assuming pleasant (based on how you were describing yourself I’m assuming that’s what you were aiming for) you would be describing a very small group of men.
To be even more blunt you may have to settle, at least it’s settleling from your perspective I suspect.
What kind of husband do you want? And I’m not talking about things he has, I’m talking about character and different qualities he has.
Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.
And my long term relationship goals would be to date someone for a while, slowly get into to the relationship phase (no rushing anything), and eventually marriage. I get it it’s all not so rosy as I’d like to imagine. People break off all the time even if they date someone for years. (Comparability and many other reasons). But the main agenda is to find someone with the same vision. Someone who is serious and wants to put an effort to make things work. Not someone who isn’t sure what they want, will treat it as a relationship initially and then surprise me one day by saying, ohh we’re just friends.
Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it.
A lot of successful women end up single, while it is completely opposite for the men. You know what you want, but do you know what men want and what they look for in a woman when choosing a partner. Usually it is different from what women look for.
For the past 5 years I have been earning on average 3-4 times the average wage in my country. A lot of people where I live would consider me as a successful man. What I look for in a woman: I have to find her physically attractive, great and compatible personality, will be a great mother for our children, smart, will have time for me (very important), prioritizes family over career, we complement each others lives. If you notice neither your income, you dressing well or being a modern woman is on the list for me. Of course every man is different, but I always suggest to reflect on yourself, no matter if you are a man or a woman, what you have to offer out of the things that other sex values.
If you have the things that men value you really should be able to find a good guy, as long as your own standards are not out of this world. Also keep in mind that the choices that men have when it comes to dating usually increase as they get older. Me and my friends already noticed that and we are only 29.
I just want a normal guy with no games
Normal guy: 6’3, makes more money than her, has house and nice car, high status
OP it’s a joke but can be true as well, we don’t know your standards. Normal girl for me is different than normal girl for someone else
A guy must earn more money than a girl in a relationship, even most of the girls admit and studies show that women left men when they start earning more money.
You’ve mentioned what you are and what you’ve achieved (which could be a million other women in this world) but none of that matters if people don’t feel good around you. Everyone likes to feel special. Maybe you’re intimidating etc? Think about that
I frequently hear these stories now a days. Well educated, world traveller, lots of hobbies, gym rat, sexy job, very knowledgeable etc. people just creating layers of identities around them and isolating themselves more and more from others, only to find them cornered. Ever wondered how those friend of yours who don’t do ‘cool’ stuffs, are ignorant about things happening around the world, no idea about the type of wine they are drinking or know what the heck js cultural appropriation are so lighthearted and connect with so many?
Drop expectations, stop dissecting people on goals, ambitions or interests. Goals, ambitions, interests, liking…all change with time. Drop the heaviness of the soul. No one owes any effort to anyone. Stop expecting and be like a child. Silly, playful, goalless and in the moment when you are with the guy. Effort from the other side will start pouring in.