Just scared I’d end up being one of those guys who gets hurt because the girl thinks im disposable or whatever. How do you attract a girl that’ll actually care?

36 comments

  1. **Step one:** you don’t generalize women by saying things like “all I see around is girls that just throw guys away like bags of crap.”

  2. I think that one way is to treat girls like you want to be treated. I always treat guys I’m dating with kindness and patience. I try and do things for them that are nice. Listen to them. Some guys return favor and are similar. When I’m dating them for a little while I notice these things. They make me happy. Just my thoughts and perspective from a girl’s point of view. Good luck!

  3. Part of dating is learning the signs of if people are worth investing in or not and learning pretty early.

  4. Love does not always last. Even when it is love and not infatuation or delusion of some other kind.

    For me, I can make peace with the impermanence of things a bit more if I am actually enjoying myself while it happens. This means – not giving more than I can healthily give, having space to be myself, having enough time with a person and feeling good around them. And even when all of these things are happening, it still may end! The other may fall in love elsewhere or need to do something else, or die or whatever.

    But at least if you have enjoyed the interaction. If you feel richer for it, it isn’t so upsetting when it ends. You miss them, for sure, but you can appreciate the good times spent and learn from the experience. And sometimes if you are lucky (and time heals) you get another good friend.

    So far as finding a human who “actually cares”. You have to define care. If you mean, cares enough not to abandon you – forever – that is a high expectation.

    Get good in yourself. Have so much good shit going on (and keep it going on, even in love) that if the person departs, you have not lost “everything”. Having a lot of good stuff going on and maintaining it not only safeguards you emotionally, but it is going to look really attractive to others.

  5. I was told once, that opposites attract, but they rarely agree and if you have opposite love languages you will be unfulfilled. Find someone who communicates in a way that you do too. Find someone who has the same or a complimentary love language. Find someone you can sit next to on the couch after work and be comfortable sitting in quiet without feeling like you need to be someone or something to keep their interest. Decide what you want and who you are in terms of a partnership and then wait until you find that. It’s like a puzzle, some pieces look like they fit but there is always that gap, wait for the right fit. It’s out there.

  6. The secret I found in life for women to really love me for me was to achieve my life goals and become successful. ✨️ 💫 Hang in there

  8. Love yourself, value yourself, and dont take any relationship seriously unless they can prove that they value themselves as much as you value yourself. A good relationship is one where either party can walk away the next day and be self sufficient but instead CHOOSE to stay with eachother.

    If you date and find a woman who wants to just use you? Drop her and move on. Dating should be fun and you should temper yourself to not go all in on a relationship unless the work has been put in on both sides to build mutual trust. By not being too serious in the early dating phase you are just protecting yourself from being upset if it goes sour. Your success in finding a partner depends on your success in yourself first.

  9. Pace yourself and make sure she’s matching your energy and effort. Don’t just examine whether she is into you, make sure you’re into her as well. If sex were never to happen, could you stand to be around her?

  10. I have been asking that question all my life but when it comes to men. All I can say is ask good questions. I have been single because I ask questions that mean something very deeply to me and also taking the time to get to know him. Anyone can leave you at any point you can’t stop them so you also have to be prepared for that.

    For me I want to be loved and I want to love him. So I don’t treat men like they are disposable or replicable to begin with. I also ask them how they view relationship and how they would like to start one out. Usually it’s lets have sex right away and then will figure it out. That to me is a red flag that we wont get along.

    I want to have sex much later in the relationship and once I know he can make me feel safe. So that tells me if he’s planning on sticking around and planning on making an effort.

    I have never met anyone like that I have met a lot of men who think ” well she’s here and I am alone…so she’s good enough.” I am like do you even like me? ” ahh..not really but sex with you would help me get through those hard time.” ( using me great and selfish) So yeah not going to date that guy.

    You have to be strong enough to choose for the better life. I have had several times over the years I could just hook up and put up with some guy who was just their to have me as a place holder. I wouldn’t be alone…..but really I still be alone and having him make me feel horrible ever single day. I had to be strong enough to walk away and seek out a person who actually cares. It’s kind of my life goal. You need to come up with goals and wants/ need/ must in your life. Things your willing to put up with and things that are deal breakers for you. Dating someone is about “do you like them” it is also do they like you too but mainly do you like them. Not what other people think ” oh you two look great together” they are not around the person 24/7 and people love to pretend everything is ok.

    So time to sit down and write out the type of person you want in your life and then you have to stick to it. Their is some lee way but the main objective is to find someone who cares about you…really cares. Like you friends and family care about you. You partner after a while becomes like someone you could never not see having in your life and they are someone you can grow old with. It wont always be easy and their will be hard times but if you both like each other when it gets hard your more forgiving. Their faults also don’t both you because you know it’s just apart of who they are. Some thing can change through out your relationship but you both and as individual have to want to work on those things. I also don’t wish to change a person when dating them. So I see them for who they are at face value. I want to see the good and the bad.

    Hope this helps

  11. By cultivating the best personality you can that has nothing to do with your wallet.
    Be funny, be fun, be cool, be smart, without = spending money. How does that happen?
    Become an incredible conversationalist.
    Imagine you and her couldn’t go out all weekend.
    The question is Would you and her be able to hang out and Just have fun chatting and chilling and making silly shit happen without money?
    Then she actually likes you.

    But also= she actually likes you if she asks you questions about yourself

    But hey. Hate to break it to you. I’ve been around the block a hundred times=
    Rare is the women who actually cares really about you…women are 1000% more emotionally selfish than men. They really, don’t give a fuck.
    So, I’m fine with it. I’m used to it. That Just makes the girl who is really into you that much more noticeable. You have to give a shit about your self 50x more than any womne is going to give a fuck about you.
    Because it’s true when people say most women, really don’t care about you unless you are their child.
    I’m not a cynical. That’s just the facts of women. Women can deny it all the time but, it’s the truth 🤷‍♂️

  12. Time is the only way to know if a woman really wants to be for you and not your resources. Women can play the role for awhile but eventually you will see the truth. Give the relationship time.

  14. Honestly there is no perfect answer for this . .

    You know how women will say “all men” for so many things

    This is one of those “all women”

    You have to kind of just go through each one and take the blows . .

    Eventually you will find that girl but it’s going to have to take some heartache and rejections and being hurt

    Though after some time and trial and error
    You’ll find that one . .

    I thought I did but over the years it wasn’t meant to be

    So still trying to find that one myself that wants to be with me for me.

    Don’t give up and keep going . .

  15. Hmmm only date women who are confident and self assured. In that way they won’t stick around if ur not the right one. And be urself. Good
    Luck. ❤️

  16. Honestly I just feel like it’s a matter of luck. All you can really do is love them to the best of your abilities, knowing that there is a possibility it may not work out. The results can’t be controlled, but you can at least do your best to be there for them.

  17. Be your authentic self. That’s really all you can do. Live your life according to your morals and values. Pick a partner who aligns.

  19. By being a confident, well centered man and not settling for less than amazing women. Remember that the kind of women you attract is based on who you are and what you stand for. That’s literally all there is to it.

  21. There is no magic here. Time and effort is the key. You may meet them, you may not. Be at peace with this, and you’ll be happy, whatever happens.

    It’s pretty easy to tell if a girl thinks you’re disposable. Once you pick up on that, move on.

  23. Show your interests on your profile and see what they message you about. If they seem superficial or want to use you for things, clear sign of nope. I’m a girl who has always like a guy for who his is. I don’t need someone to pay my bills etc but I want someone I enjoy spending time with 😉 let them get to know you and if the interest is reciprocated, you know you’re with someone ok

  24. I feel like if I expose too much about how I found my current partner and our family dynamics and medical history it opens us and our family up to a lot of speculation. But we are both mentally ill and found each other at what could’ve been a super inopportune moment for me but kinda disprove the AA bullshit about not having a relationship for x amount of time and show that you can work it out while also finding love and support within a romantic relationship.

  26. The only way to attract healthy love is to love yourself. And focus on growth. Heal past traumas, take care of your hair and skin and health. Get some fun hobbies and surround yourself w good people… Your self love will attract a good woman without even trying

  28. Don’t be anything, but yourself. Real talk. If you want her to love her for you then don’t put up any fronts or she won’t be falling for “you” in the first place… be yourself and let that filter out all the girls that won’t “love you for you”

  30. You will get hurt, almost certainly. And there will be some people who treat you as disposable.

    But this isn’t just a dating question. Friends do this. Bosses do this. Family does this. People treat you well as long as they’re getting what they want from you, not for who you are.

    The way to avoid this is to have good boundaries. To make sure you’re not just doing and saying what makes people like you. Be you (the best version of yourself).

    You teach people how to treat you. You can’t make everyone treat you well, but you can make sure the ones that treat you badly don’t have a reason to stick around. That means you might choose being alone or being single versus with someone who isn’t treating you well.

  31. Just be kind and not assume negative things from her or to her. This goes the same for the girl too. And that girl is me 😉 what’s Ur snap

  32. this isn’t an achievable goal, in a sense that you can raise your skills and get a promotion – that is a tangible goal

    relationships are out of your control

  33. Don’t let your attraction blind you to the way they treat other people. Watch for someone who is supportive of their friends and coworkers, kind to waitstaff, etc.

    Even more than this though, be brave with yourself. Put yourself out there and say who you really are…. don’t allow yourself to be so restrained out of fear of rejection that you never allow them to accept or reject you. If they are going to do so, you want them to do so. The ones who don’t are the keepers and you will likely see more of who they really are this way. Like inspires like.

  34. Definitely don’t be actively looking for a relationship or it will end up being forced. Just do what you love and are passionate about and hopefully you will find a person that loves similar things while doing them together. And I don’t mean you shouldn’t walk up to people with hope of starting a relationship. Just don’t force yourself onto them. The cool thing about this is that you won’t be wasting time chasing after someone and doing things you don’t like. You will be focusing on your own hobbies and find people that are similar to you while doing that. It’ll also be easier to talk to them about the things you love if it’s mutual. Hope i helped and good luck!

  35. Maybe you will try to choose a girl not because of her face but because of her personality? A lot of men get caught by a pretty face only.

  36. The post title kind of grabbed me because I just was dumped by what I thought was the most wonderful woman I’ve ever been with. Who I thought loved me for me, which was one of the big reasons I loved her so much. I posted [a huge write up about it](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/veda7d/my_girlfriend_told_me_she_wasis_ready_to_walk/) when it was going on so I’ll spare you the details here. TL;DR: We had a relationship of mutual love, respect, and understanding, and then she quit her job and left me. The truth is, there are no guarantees. You can never know what someone is going to do. You just have to hope the person you’re with is honest and loyal. That’s about it.

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