It is difficult for me to join group conversations, especially when the people involved are people who I consider to be more popular/sociable than me. If I’m not talking one-on-one with someone, or if I think the person is popular, preppy, judgemental, and will think I’m weird, I’ll just not talk at all and close myself off during class.
It’s an anxiety thing, and it’s hard for me to join conversations even among people I’m familiar with and who I know are super nice. But whenever the group starts making funny comments and jokes, or have interesting conversation, I also feel like I don’t really have anything to contribute. At this point, I’m just so anxious that I don’t talk in groups at all and completely give up even trying. But I don’t want to be like that anymore.
My job requires me to be able to hold conversation with customers, so it’s a skill I really need to practice and build on. I also just want to be able to talk more during class just so I can have a more enjoyable school experience and boost in my self-esteem.
Do you guys have any tips for me on how to break out of my anxiety shell?
2 comments
I’m on the same boat here, can relate to every word you’ve written. The best piece of advice I’ve been told is that social skills is like a muscle … the more you work on it the stronger it will become. Unfortunately for some people like us that muscle is a lot weaker off the bat than perhaps a “normal” person. What I consciously try to do is force myself to talk in groups, small convos with strangers and just practice holding down a conversation. 110% you will feel uncomfortable, feel awkward, say awkward or weird things, have awkward pauses, stumble mumble when you talk, people may talk over you, ignore you, directly or indirectly judge you, make a nasty comment etc. These things I learned will always exist in human communication with 90% of the humans you interact with. Cause unless you’re talking to close family or friends, everyone else is just projecting their insecurities and flaws onto others thru social interactions. So the more you talk talk talk the more you develop the reflex muscle to talk back to ridicule, talk back to the person talking over you, be a quick thinker, make quick jokes, you will learn how to navigate and lead convos over time. You will fail many times but each is a lesson and making progress. It’s a long road but life is long so better to get started sooner than later.
Myself I dislike when people judge and bring other down, make nasty or rude comments and especially body language… but I realized that will always be there in 90% of the convos you have with people that aren’t buddy buddy with you. People who are really strong in conversing and socializing have practiced since they were young or for many years in adulthood that when people ignore or cut them off or judge or snicker or laugh or anything worse they aren’t bothered. Cause they’ve been thru that a thousand times whereas folks like you and me are in the novice category. Good socializers are running while you are learning to crawl. Don’t be discouraged cause one day you’ll be running as well. Just takes time and practice. Godspeed
I don’t really feel comfortable in group conversations when there’re over 4 (including me) people involved. I don’t consider it a problem tho, it’s probably just not really my thing.
What I usually do is I just listen to the conversation and only say stuff if there’s a pause. Or I can cut in (with an apology for the interruption) if I think I have something really interesting to say.
I think that usually in group conversations there will be a couple of “Alpha” conversationalists who will be spending the most of the time talking. And that’s okay. You can still enjoy the conversation without saying much (granted you actually listen). If you have something to say, just say it. People usually don’t mind if you interrupt them after they were talking for a while (as long as you do that in a respectful manner)