Is there a “level” of friendship you have to complete until you have permission to disturb others or ask them to hangout?
i want to hang out with my new forming friends in school (ive known them for 2 weeks) but i feel like i would force them to come. Plus I don’t we are that close that they would put me or the hangout in front of studying or other friends.
How do i climb the ladder of friendship? We only talk in school and I dont know how to make them be as close so i wont force them to hang out with me. We never even texted…
4 comments
Pick something you have in common, and ask them if you want to go do it after school.
So you have their number?
Generally someone is likely to be down for hanging if they seek you out. For instance in school if these guys tend to come sit with you, have lunch with you or just generally seek you out every time they have free time, they are likely down for hanging out outside of school too.
How do you get to the point where they seek you out? You just have fun with them. Say funny things around them, ask them about cool stuff you like and see if they like it too, etc.
When it comes to social interactions, at a certain point you need to trust that people will have some level of assertiveness and agency.
What to say:
* Want to play (videogame) tonight online?
* Want to go rock climbing next Saturday?
* Want to (event)?
They’ll then reply with “sure” or “what time” or other elaboration/affirmative responses.
If they say “sorry I ______”, then that means they’re not available that timeslot. You may be tempted to problem-solve for them – eg, if they say “sorry I’m stuck on my math homework so I can’t”, DO NOT say “oh I’ll help with your math homework, then we can hang out”. Take any “sorry,” response to mean they are unable to hang out.
As long as you don’t try to coerce or force someone *after* they’ve declined a hangout, you’re not “forcing” them to do anything just by asking.
The only people who feel “forced” into hangouts just by someone asking unfortunately need to work on their own assertiveness problems, rather than being something you can accommodate.
Just very casually ask, ” you wanna hang out sometime on the weekend ” if they say no. Then understand that they just want to remain school friends and want nothing more. But if they say yes, then it’s a good sign.