My mother in law has been living with us for about 5 years now. When she first moved in with us everything was fine as in any situation.
Btw she moved in with us because my wife is really the only direct family she has nearby, she does have her home else where.
I personally have nothing against her. I mean does she does help us with our kids and cook. And aside from her pissing me off at times, because she is someone who is stuck in her way of acting and doing things and repeats the same thing 50 times.
Due to this and also other problems within their family that make their way into my home are some of the reasons why they often clash.
For a long time I have noticed that every time my wife has an incident with her mother. She takes out her aggression out on me too as if I had anything to do with what happened between them two.
This is really weighing heavy on my marriage from my perspective anyways, because my wife does not have my same view.
I don’t like it when my wife talks down on me or treats me in such a manner.
I am not saying I’m perfect or not guilty of causing arguments between my wife.
But I think that at least if we have our fights then they are our fights and we eventually work things out.
But I feel I have no privacy to even argue properly, because I cannot express as I want to as I am a very private when it comes to my personal life.
My wife on the other hand, speaks freely on whatever is on her mind, not caring if her mother hears our private business or not.
I want my mother in law to move out of the house, but don’t know how to break the news to my wife.
Again nothing against her but I think it’s for the best.
I feel she is going to oppose because again her mother has no one else nearby.
4 comments
When the wife starts going after you, because of mil, hold up your hand to stop her. Tell her she needs to fix whatever the issue with her mother and stop taking it out on you. If she continues take a walk or a drive. If it still continues when you get back, stop her again, repeating to take care of the problem with mom. If she continues, pack a bag for overnight.
She needs to see that her issues with mom must be settled there not by berating you. Of course some family counseling may be needed.
I’m not understanding, if MIL has lived with you for five years but has a home somewhere else… why hasn’t she just sold her home and bought a place close to you guys?
I’d assert that the situation is very dire for you and explain why. I’m private also and my husband has brought our arguments out in front of his family and it ENRAGES me. Thankfully we don’t live with any of them. That sounds like torture. One should be able to breathe and live freely in their home, it’s your sanctuary.
If MIL isn’t depending on you guys physically or financially, by living with you, then I don’t understand why she’d live with you for such a long amount of time.
sympathy. not really a good elegant solution out of this except just tell your wife your thoughts on the matter. maybe go for a walk just the two of you. In fact, that may be the partial solution to your problem is to only argue if you are alone outside the house. If you’re not, agree to not argue. Your MIL does add value to running your household, so consider the cost of trying to arrange meals and someone to watch over the kids. The best solution is to have her get her own place nearby to you.
How often does your wife hit you and your children?