Latest update to – I am emotionally cheating on my husband with a woman from work

I recently posted to this subreddit and quite a few people reached out for an update

[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/x1ojw2/im_emotionally_cheating_on_my_husband_with_a/)

[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xdk1uh/update_im_emotionally_cheating_on_my_husband_with/) \- My post was removed but you can read it in the first comment

So reddit friends. I have an update.

I have to say, I was somewhat shocked to discover 360 of you are following me. And I’ve had lots of very kind messages of encouragements and wholesomeness. I just wanted to say thank you. I also got lots of requests for an update – I thought I should wait for more substantial news but for now I hope this will suffice.

My ex-husband has decided to tell everyone that I am pregnant and that I’ve destroyed his family. His mum even came to my parent’s place to BEG me to see reason for her grandchild. I am NOT pregnant. Never have been. I have avoided social media and rarely use it but apparently, I’m being dragged hard. I really don’t care at this point. It will be obvious there is no baby soon enough. I’ve had lots of support from my friends though and they have been backing my corner wherever needed. I’ve also heard that he’s been celebrating his freedom from his quote “Boring dead marriage”, partying hard with lots of photo evidence. I even had a message from an unknown number to say he had slept with a woman or 2 in Amsterdam on a stag he’d been on a few years ago. Who knows. Seems I’m learning a lot. The messages begging me to come back have also stopped since my “running away with the baby” escapades. Anyway, enough about him.

Oh and, for those of you who are wondering, I am in therapy. Always have been throughout this whole saga. Also, when I told B everything, I had asked him numerous times to please stop drinking because it was important, and he refused. I didn’t purposefully wait for him to get drunk beforehand.

I digress,

J invited me for dinner at her place the other night. I haven’t seen much of her the last week with all that’s been going on and I had a few days off work to sort some stuff out, so this was the first chance I’d had a proper catch up with her.

I decided to tell her how I felt. In an ideal world I would have liked to have taken more time to allow things to unfold organically and over time. I know jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire is not ideal and yes, I agree, I do need time to figure out who and what I like and am, but time is not on my side at this point, and I do not want to live the rest of my life thinking “What if” there could have been something with this person.

And so, I wrote her a letter. I was extremely nervous, and she could tell. She asked me what was up, and I took a few big gulps of wine and asked her if she would mind if I read something to her. She agreed.

My hands were literally shaking and for some reason I got really choked up, but I took some deep breathes and got through it. The gist of it was;

I thanked her for all the support and kindness she had shown me over the last 7 months and for showing me that I deserved so much more than what I was settling for.

I also said that I really wanted her to be happy and no matter what she decided to do, or where she decided to go, I just wanted her to find her happiness because she deserves it and no matter what she would always be welcome in my life, and I hoped we would always remain great friends.

I told her that I wished I had more time however, I needed to tell her something because if I didn’t, I would always regret it.

I explained that she had made more of an impact on my life than she could have ever imagined and that I might be wildly missing the mark here but that I had feelings for her. That I wasn’t sure if I was just blinded by her kindness and love because I had been so starved of it. However, for me, it felt very real.

I apologised if I had completely got the wrong idea and regardless of whether she felt something in return I would be completely at peace whatever she decided. I will forever be grateful for the lessons our friendship has taught me and growth that has allowed me to start my new chapter. This has been the greatest gift.

When I had finished reading, I could literally feel my heartbeat in my head and my hands were trembling. I finally plucked up the courage to meet her gaze and her eyes were filled with tears. She gave me a huge hug and said “That was the nicest thing anyone had ever said” we both just cried for a bit. I kept saying over and over, “It’s fine if you don’t feel the same way” because I started to feel unbelievably vulnerable, she kept hugging me and then made enough distance between us so we could make eye contact and she said,

“Well, this really complicates things because I feel the same way”

I literally thought my heart was going to burst. We hugged a bit more and made a few silly jokes to cut the emotion back. Reddit, I was a mess.

Comparing notes, it looked like she had developed a crush at a similar time but also never wanted to overstep any boundaries so when anything relating to B came up, she steered well clear and would remain unbiased and always tried to encourage him to join us on any outings etc. She also said when her ex got back in touch to try and get back together, she was very tempted to go as her feelings for me were getting stronger and she never thought I would be interested “being straight” and coming out of a marriage. She saw leaving as a good opportunity to make that space from her feelings. She also said that deep down she doesn’t want to go back to her ex as there is a lot of pain there, when J’s dad died suddenly, K (her ex) wouldn’t come to the UK to support her which she doesn’t think she can forgive her for. She also doesn’t feel ready to leave her remaining family for a long while, if ever.

It was a truly beautiful, wonderful evening. We basically sat up chatting for the rest of it, quite a few tears and lots of hugs.

We agreed to take things extra extra slow. This is super new territory for me, and she respects I have a LOT going on as does she. She is soon to be leaving work as it’s a temp job, but she has something else lined up. She invited me for our first proper date next week. I am SO excited.

We have been messaging nonstop. I literally feel like a giddy teenager.

Once again thank you reddit for everything. The responses from the posts gave me a lot of courage, and so much help. Thank you!