In your opinion if a woman has been hiding her and a male co workers friendship from you before getting married , 2 months into the marriage all the signs and behavior appear of a woman justifying and engaging in a emotional affair behind her husbands back
Was it already developing before marriage.If so were she aware of it and started a marriage with such a secret?
Does a emotional affair or such strong feelings for another man develop so quickly?
Asking after discovering this years after it ended and I cant fathom doing this so soon after our wedding…or bringing this into our marriage from day 1
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Once the person becomes secretive they themselves know it is wrong. To go into a marriage with this happening is not only selfish but terribly destructive to SO. Why torture yourself with someone who obviously does not care about you the way you care about them.
The reason you can’t fathom cheating but your wife can is because she’s a cheater. It a character trait of hers. If she did it before she can do it again. You will be wrestling with this for the duration. Waiting for the next affair. It’s leaving the kids and breaking the family that’s the hardest part. So you live like this. Sucks man
It happens all the time. Read Shirley Glass “Not Just Friends.”
A good rule to avoid this that neither of you should complain about the other to non-family members. Just set in stone you will not speak negatively about the other to people at work or friends.
Complaining about your spouse builds an intimate connection with the person you’re complaining to (sharing feelings, personal information) and makes you think negatively of your spouse. It also gives that person a way to get their foot in the door. If you’re complaining about what your spouse never does or says, then they know what to do or say, and vice versa.
Freely and consistently complaining about your spouse to someone at work or a friend is absolute poison for a marriage and an easy way to start cheating.
I have lots of close male friends; I’ve known them for decades and my husband knows them as well and he is also friends with them. Nothing I do with my male friends is a secret. If I’m going out to dinner with them, my husband knows where I’m going, when I’m going and with whom I’m going.
The moment a friendship or elements of a friendship turns secretive were you deliberately hid the face that you’re talking to them/gong out with them etc, then that’s wrong and is totally inappropriate.
The minute someone feels they have to hide something in a relationship, something is wrong.
I agree 100%,knowing everything changed everything I believed in about people,love and trust.
It is like a slow poison and it opened my eyes about our relationship history.I was apart from the years before marriage and still to this moment alone during my tough times.
It is not what I imagined a marriage would be like and now I have small children to protect.
It is not normal for a girl to behave this way and after years of being blamed and hearing about what Im doing wrong I seriously believed I was the problem.Truth is I became depressed right after marrying her,still built a very good life for my family despite this and lost myself
It would be reconciled by now if she acknowledged and listened to me so still Im alone.She got fed up with the subject,despite not helping one ounce by being honest and told me to sort it out myself,Im on my own….and during the argument said “he was a better person than me at the time”So still my fault and that is something to say to justify abandoning me emotionally for another man 2 months after our wedding vows.
There is a lot more Im not saying but I have her everything and she believes a guy that had a wife and cheated was better than me?
Please please reassure me by telling me how a wife that loves you treats you
The moment you build a ‘comfort’ in your friendship as same as the comfort that should be reserved only for your spouse or partner, that’s the start of it. Comfort also could be defined as frequency, level of depth, and intimacy.
Examples:
– Spend more time to talk to that friend more than talking with your spouse. Talk here could be online chatting, phone call or meeting f2f
– Sharing secret regarding work, family, relationship, dreams, etc where this secret usually only discuss with a spouse
– Putting that friend first more than the spouse. For example, compliment that friend more than complimenting the spouse.
– Body language ‘incline’ to that friend. In an event, standing close with that friend instead of the spouse
– Supporting that friend more than supporting the spouse.
Secrecy is just a method to get that comfort and basically they want to spending ‘intimate’ time together.
I can go on and on because I was cheated on by my husband. He had this friendship and became very close to her when we were in a long distance relationship. When I got married to him, he pushed me to be her friend. I notice a lot of AWFUL behavior between him and her. I basically became a third wheel whenever we were outside together. I raised this concerns and my husband told me I was a jealous wife. Surprised, 13 years later.. I found the cheating evidence. But, again.. I was not and am not fucking blind.