Me (29F) have been going out with my bf (31M) for 1 year now and we currently live together. Lately I’ve been noticing that he sweats alot at night while sleeping. The other night he woke up and I noticed his shirt was completely soaked. I suggested that he turn on our A/C and change his shirt since it was hot the other night. He said that he might change his shirt but ended up going back to bed.
He woke up again to go to the bathroom and had the same shirt on, went to play a video game for a half hour then went back to bed again. He didn’t change his shirt until he started getting ready for work (he works an overnight shift). When I started heading to bed I noticed the sheets and his pillowcase were soaked. So I changed the sheets and pillowcases. At this point I was a little grossed out because he had a weird odor.
Before he left for work, he tried hugging me and I didn’t want to hug him and told him I was grossed out by him not changing his shirt from sweating and getting back in bed after. He was upset by this and didn’t think it was a big deal. I told him it’s unhygienic to go back to sleep in the same clothes he sweat in.
He got even more upset and told me that he can’t deal with my high standards and that he can’t control when and how much he sweats.. I personally didnt think that changing sweaty clothes to be having high standards. I told him that I don’t have an issue with his sweating but rather, how he deals with it.
What do you all think about this?
TL;DR! I’m grossed out by my bf for sleeping in sweaty clothes and him thinking it’s not a big deal.
18 comments
I think that the bar for men is so low that it’s a coffee shop in Hades.
He’s not really being unhygienic. People sweat. Some people sweat at night regardless of the temperature in the room. Are you expecting him to change his shirt 3 times a night?
Is he unhygienic in other ways too?
How is his hygiene overall? Because it’s kind of weird to expect him to change his shirt multiple times a night.
Does he shower once a day?
I think your place needs to be a lot colder.
As for the bed, put some kind of washable padding under so the sweat doesn’t soak into the mattress.
>Before he left for work, he tried hugging me and I didn’t want to hug him and told him I was grossed out by him not changing his shirt from sweating and getting back in bed after.
Except this was more than just about you being grossed out since he was no longer sweaty and stinky in that moment. It sounds like there’s some resentment and contempt brewing on your side.
How wet? Like, dripping? I can’t really imagine it being bad enough to be a big deal.
You are a little ocd-ish.
So what is the expectation here, that he changes his shirt multiple times each night?
His sleep hygiene sounds worse than his cleanliness hygiene. He gets up multiple times throughout his sleep and sometimes plays video games? And then works the night shift? This sounds like a looming disaster unless he’s one of those 1/1000 people that doesn’t really need to sleep.
Maybe focus on that angle, “hey you’re sweating to a degree and waking up so much that I think maybe we haven’t nailed a good sleeping setup and temp for you, wanna try some other options?”
Has he seen a doctor about this? Night sweats that soak the bed are generally considered a symptom of sometimes serious illnesses.
If he’s been medically cleared, maybe look into breathable pj’s/sheets/light blankets? Keep a spare shirt by the bed, invest in a cooling fan, etc. I know it may be kinda gross, but there are plenty of solutions! Just please make sure he sees a doctor first & foremost.
Also, sweating at night isn’t really something he can control! He might feel pretty ashamed/helpless here, and I can see why he’d respond kinda defensively. I understand your distress, but I think focusing on the root cause & possible solutions instead of withholding affection (altho it’s always ok to turn it down if you’re feeling uncomfortable!) might be a better approach.
I’m kinda with your BF on this- it doesn’t make any sense to change his shirt in the middle of the night if his sheets are soaked. The only thing he’d accomplish is having 2 smelly shirts instead of 1.
Is his overall hygiene okay? If so then I think this is a weird nitpick.
I agree with you, OP. If he sweats at night, then he should wipe himself dry with a towel, and then wear a clean, dry shirt, prior to returning to sleep again. Meanwhile, place the soaked with sweat shirt on the radiatior.
Sometimes when people wake up, half of the brain is still asleep, so he may not be able to fully understand what you are saying.
However, if he sweats at night, every night, if he sweats a lot, then it might be a sign of an underlying health condition. Get him checked by a doctor, or a Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner.
ive been menopausal and i sweat at night. at home i might ignore it – but i do not want to gross out the bf so i definitely wash up and change if im sleeping at his. its just polite i think.
He needs a fan on at night or a supply of tshirts
Do you normally sleep with the AC off of something ?
Staying in a wet sweaty shirt all night is definitely unhygienic. You’re not overreacting. Men just don’t wana do better. The fact that you had to change your sheets and he saw nothing wrong. Ewww. I sweat at night and switch shirts throughout. And Wash the sweaty ones the next day. Men need to grow up and stop being disgusting.
He can’t wear a singlet to sleep or some kind of sportswear that is quick dry or wicks away his sweat?
He doesn’t shower first thing to get rid of any body odour that may have developed over night?
Not sure if you might have been too curt with him and/or he might be self conscious about sweating – you should sit him down and have a chat about how the living arrangement is working for the both of you. Be kind and don’t judge him, he’s known his whole life he is a sweater .