TLDR: Husband (35M) has a snapchat that he never mentioned, and then denied having it despite having the app on his phone with username saved.

I recently found out that my husband has a snapchat that he had never mentioned. He went to show me something on his phone and I saw the icon. It is in a folder so a little less noticeable than other apps. I didn’t react initially, idk just tried to rationalize in my mind I guess. He has a super old phone so it isnt like preloaded or anything.

Later, I looked and found his username saved (the same typical username he uses for most other things) , but logged out. I regret even looking tbh but I didnt look any further. I also downloaded it on my phone to check, and he is not on the list of people I can add from contacts. Like he has it private. I didn’t confront him immediately because we had family visiting and also I wanted to be sure not to overreact and try to have a conversation about it at a good time without anyone being defensive…

Please note, we have been together 13 years and have kids. We have had trust issues early on in the relationship, but things have been much better for a decade. The reason this is standing out so much to me is that my husband has made comments in the past that snapchat is a ridiculous app thats clearly for sexting only (he puts it more crudely lol). Also, he barely uses fb and has zero other social media, which he prides himself in. He doesnt really guard his phone or anything crazy, and he doesnt have a password.

Flash forward several days. He picked a fight with me over something dumb while drunk and in the course of the argument I blurted out some accusations. I handled it really poorly and I am not proud. But he denied having a snapchat and threw me his phone to check. I clicked it and it showed his username. He said ” thats weird” and said “you can try to login but you won’t find anything, idk how that got there. I don’t have a snapchat” then just started ranting about trust and then announced he is deleting both and he isnt gonna participate in my accusations. He kept making fun of the situation all night, like how ridiculous it is to think he would have a snapchat.

Obviously the account didn’t make itself. But I don’t really know where to go from here. I barely know how snapchat works myself (tried when it first came out but didnt like it.)
I should have not confronted him this way, but I think if it was anything innocent, he would have just told me a valid reason instead of ” what I don’t have one” when its super clear that he does.

Looking more for repair advice than ditch him advice.

5 comments
  1. >Looking more for repair advice than ditch him advice.

    There’s *very* little you can do to repair a relationship that has suffered from trust issues and then has an event that throws trust into question.

    You can’t can’t repair a relationship when your partner refuses to acknowledge that there is an actual problem, and takes it further by 1) refusing to acknowledge that he caused it and 2) makes you out to be the bad guy in this.

    OP, the way your husband has handled you confronting him about his Snapchat is *very* telling about him personally. He is willing to lie to his wife and make it seem like she did something wrong by confronting him about it.

    This is a situation where you *really* should think hard about what’s at stake if you stay in this marriage.

  2. The problem is you told him you know hes up to something suspicious and now youll never know. He’ll just lie and lie. Best case scenario some type of paid Porn. Middle ground sexting random women. Worst case an actual full blown affair with someone he knows.

  3. You can have him reset the password then download the data from snapchat. They’ll email him a folder of all of his acitivty, including messages he received. It won’t show actual photos but will say “media”

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