So my (26f) boyfriend (25m) has been having problems with his testicles for a week (they’re swollen and he didn’t know if he can feel any lumps or abnormalities). He really didn’t want to go to get it checked because he had been sexually abused as a kid and doctors appointments can be really triggering for him and induce PTSD episodes. However, after some convincing, he finally came around and went to urgent care this morning.
(One more detail that may be important, he’s on the autism spectrum. This might make some things make more sense)
When we got there he was clearly anxious and on edge, and he asked for a female nurse and they were able to assign him one. I sat in the waiting room when he went in, and then 20 minutes later they came and brought me into the room. He was having a full on panic attack and was having trouble talking and standing because they wanted to do a sonogram on his testicles, but the only available person to do it was a man.
We told them what was happening and they were *really* great about it and actually called the doctor in and he talked to us and put him more at ease. When it came time, they let me come in the room with him (technically they’re not supposed to let anyone else in with COVID protocols, but they let me in because we were both vaccinated) and it took him a solid 5 minutes before he built up the courage to pull his underwear down. He was still throughout the process, but he was tensed up and was holding his breath and making squealing noises. When it was done, we were told it was just fluid buildup and would absorb on its own.
After we left, I bought him a Sonic milkshake and a Chipotle burrito (two of his favorite foods) and he’s been quiet and not too response since we got home. I offered to do some of his favorite “bedroom acts” but he didn’t want to. Although he did let me lay down with him until he fell asleep.
Today was so emotional. I felt so useless and helpless and I have no idea how he’s feeling now. I love him more than I can even say, and it kills me that there wasn’t anything I was able to do in that moment. I’m so glad his testicles are okay but I’m very worried about him.
Any help would be greatly appreciated 🙂
tl;dr: my boyfriend is a sexual assault survivor and had to get his testicles checked, and it was rather traumatic for him having a male doctor examine his private parts so now I have no idea what to do to help or if he’s okay.
3 comments
is he in therapy?
Speaking as someone who struggles with gyno appointments because of past sexual abuse, the best thing you can do is be patient and supportive. You sound like a great girlfriend based on your post and clearly want the best for your boyfriend. The only thing that made me squirm a bit when reading was you offering to do his favourite bedroom acts. I’m sure you meant well but many sa survivors (me included) don’t want any sexual attention after a bad PTSD day, even when it’s from someone you’re usually comfortable with. He’s probably going to be in his own head for a while, so as difficult as it can be, be patient with him. You could also ask him what he wants from you right now (e.g does he want to be comforted and if so, how).
Sorry for the essay, I just really sympathise with you and your boyfriend. If you have any specific questions feel free to ask. I can’t speak for all sa survivors but we tend to share common traits/difficulties.
***I felt so useless and helpless and I have no idea how he’s feeling now. I love him more than I can even say, and it kills me that there wasn’t anything I was able to do in that moment.***
With the type of trauma he endured in the past and the obvious PTSD he has now, without your presence and trust he has in you, the procedure probably wouldn’t have happened. Give yourself credit. You probably did more than you realize and he may tell you later when things calm down. No worries….you did good by being by his side.