Hi everyone, I’m 26f and started trying to date about a year ago. I didn’t really meet anyone I liked very much, but I know “the spark” isn’t always the right thing to look for so I tried to give it more time with a few guys who seemed nice. But I still just didn’t like them and didn’t want to waste their time so I didn’t keep seeing them.
Recently I met someone who I like (!!). We have only been on 2 dates, and on the second one I think he was trying to flirt with me more because he would sometimes touch my hand or my back or give me that “look” or steer the conversation to more personal topics. I don’t know how to flirt and I’m awk so I just smiled and talked a lot and was cheerful but I don’t know how to give the same energy back even though I’m definitely interested in him. He knows I’ve never been in a relationship but he doesn’t know that I’ve literally never done *any of this* before in my life.
I’m nervous about my lack of experience and I feel like there’s so much that I don’t know. I’ve only had one kiss in my life, and it only happened because the guy asked if he could kiss me, and he seemed nice and I thought I could maybe like him over time. I wasn’t an active participant in the kiss, it kind of just happened to me and lasted less than a second. I didn’t like it at all, which I realized later was because I didn’t like him (he wasn’t actually nice lol).
I like him a lot and I don’t want to accidentally communicate disinterest, especially because I think he’s definitely making an effort to show that he is interested in me. I’m making an effort in other ways (initiating conversations, suggesting plans, asking lots of questions) but I don’t want it to feel too platonic for him because I’ve been in situations before where that happens and they see me as just a friend.
Initially I thought that if I meet someone and they like me, it’s because of my personality, my character, etc. I talked to my friends about this and they said that while that’s important, relationships are different from friendships and there has to be attraction/flirting/a physical component. I understand that and I want it but I don’t know how to do it. I’m worried that if I try to flirt I will look like a teenager because it’s my first time ever trying any of this lol. I don’t know how to do any of the physical things and I don’t know how to hide it or if I should tell him or how to handle this.
I used to think flirting was an innate thing that someone people are just really good at but “isn’t for me”, but I’m realizing now that I might need to do this and it’s actually a learned skill. I would appreciate any advice on how to approach this because I’m very lost and I like him and don’t want to mess it up.
Thank you!
1 comment
I am not a girl so i am not super familiar with exactly the best ways a girl should flirt, but as a guy i would i say make sure your flirting is obvious. Guys can be dense. For example recently a friend of mine was telling me about how she flirted with her crush but she wasnt sure if he got that and why wasn’t he asking her out. I asked her how she flirted and one of things she did was say that she doesn’t usually stay out late, she thought it was obvious that she was indirectly saying i’m out because of you, but she was with her friends so he could have easily taken that as i’m out because i’m with my friends. If i was him i would have thought the same thing, it was not obvious to me, but she thought it was so obvious to him. So whatever you do, even if its meant to be subtle, maybe try to make it obvious otherwise it could go over their head.