I’ve been dating this guy for around a month but we saw each other a lot maybe twice a week or more some days. The first week we met four times when I went away for a week he said he missed me etc. We talked all the time nearly every day, but this week he started getting a little distant, slower to reply, etc. which concerned me but then he called me and sounded keen again.
I’ve been hurt in the past and as we weren’t technically exclusive I kept my options open still on the apps and trying to find dates as I’ve been hurt in the past. I never ended up really meeting anyone though. He said he was only seeing me and would be open and honest I probably wasn’t being the same but honestly I was just waiting to be exclusive as I didn’t want to get stung.
Anyway he called me yesterday and said he didn’t think we should sleep together anymore but still wanted to see me. A girl he had a thing with a few months ago but ended it with as he didn’t want a relationship then (was fairly new from a LTR break up for him) had gotten back in touch and now things seemed more serious.
He said he wanted to see where it would go but still wanted to know me. I of course refused he said he has history with this girl and it’s hard as we’ve only known eachother one month etc although he really likes me.
I can’t be too mad as I get it it’s an unfortunate timing thing but it also sucks I’m realising I will miss being around him and talking to him. He wants to be friends but when we caught up just to talk it out there’s so much sexual chemistry there’s no way it will work or his new girlfriend will allow it.
I know it’s just one of those things but man I’m so tired of dating. Of course he wasn’t perfect and idk if it would have even worked out but I hadn’t had a proper situation with a guy in a year and so this hurts.
Any advice for moving on. It’s only been a day and I still keep thinking maybe he’ll change his mind and pick me but I need to let it go. I’m so scared to date again as if this happened again I don’t know how I’d get over it.
1 comment
I think it’s good that you set a boundary. I know you feel for him but if it was mutual he would not put you in this position. And consider how shady it is that he still wants “to know you” despite being committed to his girlfriend now – that’s not a position you would want to be in if he was yours, if he’s speaking this way to a girl he’s only known a month then I would doubt his loyalty as a partner, and knowing that he’s someone who does this, would you still want to be with him? I think what he was trying to do is keep you on standby to get his sexual needs fulfilled should his current situation not play out the way he wants. Once him and that girl break up or get into a fight you’re going to get a text suddenly wanting to make plans. It’s classic stringing along. You don’t want to get picked by this guy. You’ve only known him for a month. Someone you’ve been sleeping with for a month is not a friend and anyone with respect for their partners would have the sense to stop talking to the woman they’ve been sleeping with once the relationship resumes. It is shady. You will find someone who’s attention is focused entirely on you. This is not worth pursuing.