An officer told me to just “man up” when I reported that a girl had been stalking me with an AirTag. Is this common? Is this why men don’t seek help?

37 comments

  1. More common than you think. I had an office full of people laugh at me when I told them my girlfriend was hitting me. They said “she just likes you, stop being a bitch” essentially. I’d imagine if I was the one hitting her, I’d be dragged out and in jail.

  2. People like that officer are the exact reason I don’t tell people in my life that I’ve been sexually assaulted and raped every year for the last 4-5 years

  3. It’s called dereliction of duty, and yes, it’s very common. That’s why respect for LEOs is where it is.

  4. Take it from some on that is 6’6. It happens all the time.

    You’re a “pussy” if you complain and you’re a monster if you take action.

    Stuff like this is on Youtube in the hundreds, about women saying they can hit a man and the man isn’t suppose to hit back.

    It is what it is.

    The solution in your case, go to his superior. Make a formal complaint.

  5. ive never had support irl, only on Reddit, if that gives you an idea, and there were people who knew and let me get tortured physically, mentally, and emotionally for 5 years

  6. I had an ex stalk me and threaten to come to my house and stab me a couple years back. I called 911 and the operator asked me what I did to deserve it.

  7. Time to find his supervisor, always record everything and have proof of who said what. He is not doing his job and needs to be reprimanded. If nobody does anything (have a screen record of every call and contact from here on out with them) get a lawyer and see them in court for not doing their job that you are paying them to do with your taxpayer dollars. Also, have proof the woman is stalking you for good measure. I dont think this is a toxic masculinity thing. A lot of cops are just straight fucking lazy and wont do anything unless they have to, met too many of those tbh.

  10. That’s cop speak for “I don’t want to fill out this paperwork.” Report them.

  11. A “real man” doesn’t have any feelings or emotions so he can’t ever get hurt. If he does get hurt then he’s just a pussy or queer. This is the toxicity that pervades not only Western culture but cultures across the globe.

  13. It sometimes happens to me when I need to see a doctor or a nurse for a pain in my foot, back, etc. They will jokingly say “Oh, come on. A big strong fellow like you?” and I feel like a whiny idiot for insisting that yes, I do feel pain.

  14. I wish you’d taken your phone out and started recording a video of him and asking “can you say that again please officer? I just reported that I’m being stalked by a girl and you replied but i just wanna get it on camera this time so can you repeat it please?”

  16. From my experience that’s harassment, not stalking, but nonetheless still something to be weary of. I’m 6’2 myself and had video proof of her putting the tag in my truck, and the cops asked why she did it, I haven’t the slightest clue…

  17. If I was in that situation I’d immediately turn it on it’s head.

    “My wife is constantly trying to beat me and berate me for the tiniest things”

    “She just likes you it’s ok man up”

    “Ok. I’m gonna go home and beat the shit out of my wife. Dish it right back. Since we’re joking and all.”

  18. Yes. My mom mocks my dad for going to the doctor when he gets an ear ache or whatever

  19. Wtf does that mean, beat her ass? Marry her? Take responsibility for her? Officer wtf are you telling me.

  20. This is part of it yes though it takes many different forms. The gist of it is always the invalidation of our negative experiences for whatever reason and in whatever manner.

    Same with the whole “men should be more open about what is troubling them” only to be met with “no, not that much”. Like you can only be vulnerable to the point where it’s still adorable and not too much of an actual issue.

    Also the fact that most of the time nobody really cares anyways, or that’s how it feels a lot of the time.

  21. Going to a higher ranking cop is one option, if that comes up dry another option is bypass the cops entirely and make a report straight to the DAs office on both her and the cop. It’s still a crap shoot, but the odds of finding a sympathetic ear are at least as good.

  22. It’s already hard to get believed as a woman victim of abuse, but the rate at which men get dismissed for their horrible experiences is sickening to me.

    R, SA and SH are serious crimes but yet they never seem to be taken seriously, and sadly it’s even worse for our male survivors.

    I’m am so sorry that any of this hapenned to all of you, as a fellow survivor you have all my respect and support.

    We can only hope that raising your voices will someday make it mandatory for the police force to listen to all of you, as they already should.

    I know I won’t shut up, stand strong brothers

  23. Former LEO Here

    It’s not uncommon.

    Had other officers laugh at a man who filed a police report when his significant other assaulted him with a frying pan. The guy had gnarly bruises on his face and back as well as a minor concussion all because he wouldn’t stop playing his PS4.

    Unfortunately, this was one of a handful of incidents I witnessed.

    Part of the reason I quit.

  25. Wtf?
    Women can be predators too.
    Stalking is is really scary.
    I had a male stalker years ago, but I was taken seriously when I reported it.
    For all the officer knows, that woman could be a serial killer.
    I’d get the officers name and number and report him.
    That way if anything bad happens it will be on them for not taking you seriously.

  27. Police are garbage when handling sexual assault and stalking in general.

    Well… to be fair, they are bad at handling crime… mainly good at documenting crime.

  28. Woke up to my girlfriend (at the time) punching me in the face in the middle of the night because she had been drinking and somehow worked herself up to thinking I had porn on my computer. Anyways, the next day I called the police to have her removed from my apartment. I must have lucked out because the police took it seriously that she was being abusive, and were formally questioning both of us is different rooms when I heard her start shouting because apparently she started trying to play cutesy and the cops weren’t having it, so she got violent again and started threatening the police officers. So instead of just removing her, they arrested her. There were many months of her being abusive leading up to this, physically and emotionally that people just shrugged off and told me to man up about because she was a girl. Yes, it’s common and it sucks.

  29. Had a girl stalking me, went to the police and was laughed at. I am 6ft and beefy, when I gave her physical description the sergeant said he’d be right back. He came back with two other cops and said this guy is afraid of little blonde girl. Yeah, fuck those guys. She was extremely mentally ill, was finally put in a treatment facility, but still had a fixation on me. It took my then girlfriend threatening her to get her to stop.

  30. This happened maybe 10 years ago now in a southern state. My friend ( tall, muscular guy ) was date raped by a small petite girl. Cops didn’t believe him and warned him false reporting is a crime. He went to an attorney which basically told him it was in his bests interests to get therapy and not seek legal action; no judge in the south was going to take him seriously and if he put social or legal pressured on the girl, a concern would be if she flipped the story and said he raped her.

  31. Yes, this is why men frequently do not seek help. I’m a female in law enforcement. Old-fashioned shit like what you’re describing is on its way out, thank god, but still obviously exists. I’ve heard similar stories from females btw, that an officer told her she should be flattered by the attention the stalker was giving her.

    Do this: tell the person who left the AirTag, in writing, that you wish to be left alone & to never contact you again. If it ends there, hooray. If they continue to track you or contact you after this point they are now crossing legal lines (the specifics will depend on the laws of your state.). DO NOT respond in any way to any contact by this person outside of immediate personal self defense. Keep any phone messages, text, emails etc. Contact the police & get a case number or report number and the officer’s name so you can get updates on progress. If there is actually a case here the officer will turn it over to a detective who will run the actual investigation. That person is your new contact.

    If the officer wants to be a dick you can contact his/her sergeant to complain, contact Internal Affairs or see if your community has a community board that handles citizen complaints against officers. If he or she says dumb shit like “man up” you can tell him “do your job”.

    The truth is that cops see people do so much shocking and horrifying shit that something like an AirTag tracker could seem small. If he just left a murder scene his scale of what is threatening will feel different than yours. But that doesn’t change the fact that each case has to be dealt with on its own merits and the genders of the suspect & victim are not the issue. You deserve to be safe just as much as anyone else does. Good luck.

  32. “Man up” is a pretty common reason why men don’t speak up. It makes you feel like a bitch. Granted, there are times where yeah, your situation really isn’t worthy of making a big deal about. Say your washing dishes and you accidentally splash water on your shirt. You really gonna look for sympathy for that? Nah. But someone’s stalking you, yeah, the cops should be ready to, “protect and serve” someone in that situation no matter their gender. Sometimes cops suck.

  33. Was being stalked by two exes at the same time. They even teamed up at a point.

    Went to numerous police stations where I live, where they lived, county, state. I ended up being laughed out of every place I walked into. None of them even let me file any reports.

  34. Short answer: yes. Longer answer: there is no real avenue to talk about these things because the zeitgeist is such that trying to talk about these issues labels you as a “weaker man”. So you can admit these problems exist without suggesting you go through them and this you are weak. So men don’t talk about it, they suck it up and either find an outlet for it or can’t cope with it until it overwhelms them. Put in that context it doesn’t surprise me at all that men have a much higher suicide rate than women.

  35. I got stabbed 3 times in my left arm by the first women I ever cohabited with, after I confronted her about driving home drunk late one night on a “girls night out”. The male RCMP officers who took my statement were condescending, snide and said stuff along the lines “I must have done something to have earned that.”

    Luckily the head nurse at the hospital gave me a ride back to our place to pick up my things and stood watch over her while I packed. She swore and threatened us both saying shit like “I knew you were fucking her ever since you moved here.”. The nurse informed her before we left “Since you need regular care at the hospital for your chronic condition, we can’t refuse to help you. I will however place in your records that you have violent tendencies and that you will have an orderly accompany you at all times when you are on the property.”

    I confessed last year to my wife of 20+ years to being depressed and was greeted by stifled laughter. Not too surprisingly, I no longer share such things with and this year am planning vacations by myself.

  36. I think police officers sometimes forget that non-officers can’t beat women without repercussions like they can.

  37. Man up is why male suicide attempts are more successful than women’s. We have to be strong always. That means no emotions, no asking for help, no weakness. Any weakness is because you’re being a bitch so man up. Rough day and had it with the world? Man up pussy. Ready to just quit life and take the forever nap? Better figure that out on your own because seeking help is for pussies. Man up. But nobody want a to bring it up so we just push it all down and carry on until we can’t.

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