My boyfriend (40) and I (33) have been dating for 4 months and he has told me that our relationship is already stale, but he mainly blames me for it. He doesn’t feel excitement when he sees me because I wear mostly leggings and t-shirts. He also always made comments about me wearing too much black. He wants me to “dress up” more. He also wants me to be sexier in the bedroom. I have tried wearing other colors and sexier clothes. I have also made an effort to buy different clothes and he didn’t seem to care. I have even tried to surprise him when he comes back from work by laying in bed with no clothes. He told me that was not exciting because he gets more excited with taking off clothes.
He also told me that I am boring and he thought I was more stylish and interesting based on my Match profile. I don’t believe I presented myself in any other way. He is very annoyed and critical of many things I do and say. He says I am being too needy and physically affectionate.
I feel like he doesn’t like me for who I am. I am not really sure what to do. I don’t want to change everything about myself because I feel like that is compromising who I am.
24 comments
😂 this guys just sounds like an arse. Unless he is really worth it. You aren’t that far into the relationship, I would trade him in for a better model.
Girl leave him! He’s fuckin acting like a teenage boy’ even teen boys today dont care much about how their partner dresses! Dump his lame ass and find someone whos with you for you not with you cause how you dress
Dump him. He sounds like a jerk. And nothing you do will ever be right according to him.
You should read your post like your best friend just said this to you, and think of how you would respond.
I imagine you would tell her this guy is judgemental, shallow, uncaring, and not worth her time. I would guess you would tell her this is not the type of person you would want her to have in her life, as he will continue to make her feel bad about herself everyday, for years to come. You may even tell your friend to run, because this man is clearly not he right person for her and she could do so much better.
I am not your friend, and neither is this guy. He does not sound like a healthy match. My advice is to leave.
Anytime your in a relationship and your partner blames all problems on the other than that is not a healthy relationship or partner. He sounds like someone not worth the effort your putting in. Why doesn’t he buy you outfits he would want to see you in when it comes to the bedroom. It’s easy to point the finger, if he isn’t making moves considering they are all his complaints. Good luck but it seems you would be happier without him.
Last paragraph, first sentence seems on point. He likes someone else. Whether it’s a former partner or just the idea of you that he developed, who knows. But he wants you to change in a way he can’t seem to express, so I don’t suggest you try to change for him. Might be best to look elsewhere.
This is a mature adult man?
After 4 months, I think you can see his true colors. He is rude, crude and critical. Time to move on and be with someone who thinks you’re the best!
He’s not forty and still single because he is a widow, I can promise you that based on this post. What a wanker.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with wearing black, I’m 37 and still wear a lot of black and there’s nothing wrong with wearing comfortable clothes.
Who the fuck is such a wanker they have to give a commentary on the state of the relationship, like you give a fuck what this idiot thinks. I’m so annoyed on your behalf, tell him that you have some thoughts of your own and they’re going to blow his out of the water, tell him it’s over and hang up.
So then why are you in a relationship with him? You don’t have to date people that makes you feel uncomfortable, otherwise you’re just forcing a relationship.
Dump him and move on.
Boy BYE! Move on with your life, no one needs to be criticized or told what to wear PERIOD!
Get rid of him, he sucks
He doesn’t like you for who you are; why are you sticking around after only 4 months?
I think he’s the bore. Look elsewhere for romance.
It’s only been 4 months, so leave and leave FAST! He sounds like a complete loser. Don’t waste anymore of your life on him.
>I feel like he doesn’t like me for who I am.
That’s right, and you know what you do with somebody who doesn’t like you? You *move the fuck on*
4 months? Leave him lol, sis he doesn’t like you, he is keeping you around probably for the easy access to sex. I 100% guarantee the second he comes across a better “prospect” he will drop you like a hot potato.
Don’t think there is some type of scarcity out there, even at 33, this is not the last guy on earth. Do not change yourself to meet another persons standards, there is someone out there that will love you for who your are, will love your affection, the way you dress and will not demand you fit in to a box that they made for you.
Date a metalhead and always wear black.
Think I understand why he’s 40 and not in a long term relationship.
OMG life is too short to put up with this shit. These kinds of constant criticisms are meant to undermine your self-esteem so he can control you. Don’t put up with it for one more second. Dump him and move on with your life.
The hell with this guy. If after 4 months he is already trying to change you this will not end well. I’m 40 and my GF just turned 33. We both got out of 10 year marriages and learned a ton. We accept each other for who we are. I never try to change her. I love her for who she is. Is there some stuff I would like her to change? Possibly. However, I look at the relationship as a whole and it’s great. As long as she doesn’t get fat. Then I’m out. Non-negotiable since it’s directly related to my attraction to her. Once the attraction is gone, everything else follows, *see 10 year failed marriage because of excessive weight gain and the inability or desire to change.
Please get out. He is manipulating you. If he does this in 4 months already imagine 4 years. I am worried about you, please stay safe (and please stay true to yourself! Find someone who appreciates you for being you!)
Each person is responsible for their own happiness. Relying on someone else to make you happy is always going to end up poorly.
He’s telling you all the things you need to do to interest him… What about the things *he* could do to make himself interesting?
I hate that attitude in any situation – where people look at all the ways others are coming up short, and think they entitled to tell them exactly what they should do to be better – but it’s especially ugly in a romantic relationship.