For context, my wife and I (both early 30s) have been married for 4 years (been together for 5). During these years, we’ve had ups and downs including 2 consecutive miscarriages last year, career downturns and general adulting stuff. Recently this year we struggled a lot and we almost separated but made some positive changes in our relationship and trying to spend more time with each other.
We feel like although we’re best friends, we feel that there is a bit of spark missing in our relationship and it would be nice to fall in love again like how we did back in the day. We’re considering relationship counselling which will hopefully improve our communication and our relationship.
Any success stories or pointers that you’d like to share?
7 comments
Counselling is a great idea! i hope it will help you!
I don’t know if I can call it “success story”, because we never really struggled when it comes to “spark” in our relationship. We are lucky that somehow it is alive on its own. But I think in general it is important to do and notice the little things that the other person does.
Dressing up for your partner (for example buying sexy lingerie) is a good way to attract the other person and at the same time boost your own confidence.
Try to break a routine – try a new hobby together, take a trip somewhere, go out and discover new places in your town. It can make relationship a little bit more exciting. You can also try games for couples – you can look them up on-line. Some games include questions to ask your partner, date ideas etc.
I am so sorry about your miscarriages. I hope you both have taken the time to heal. Counseling is a great idea. The best thing me and my wife did when we seperated after 33yrs. was to have in sight and did self improvement on communication and recognized our own faults. We each did ic then went to Counseling together to actually divorce. Once we discovered how each of us worked on ourselves we wanted each other and fell back in love. It is now 38yrs married and happier than ever. Best wishes
We play together, either by randomly dancing or doing something silly to make each other laugh or playing card games and board games with each other. Fun is a underrated aspect of marriage that seems like too many people forget about.
Just talk, about everything, don’t hold back. They should be your primary confidant.
Do new things together. Do new things apart and tell each other about them. Read. Send them articles you’ve read, and memes.
Tell them if you feel like something is wrong even if you haven’t figured it out yourself yet
Have philosophical conversations.
Realize that a continued love is not the same as the spark of a new relationship. What is a spark to you? Being excited to see and talk to them? Wanting to bone all the time? Decide specifically what it means to you and work on that.
The miscarriages had to add so much to work through together and individually. Sorry to hear that. That has to be incredibly difficult.
Getting a councilor right now is difficult and could take quite an effort on its own. In the meantime, try reading the The Relationship Cure and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, both by John Gottman.
Read them together or at least at the same pace and make time to discuss what you are reading.
In terms of physical intimacy Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski is a good one for understanding the emotional side/triggers for it. The website [omgyes.com](https://omgyes.com) is a great resource for techniques and has some good communicating in the moment advice.
I have a rather long thing I cut and past about why I think our relationship is as good as it is, but I think these books and resources will do you more good than that right now.
Communication!!! Talk about the things that make you feel closest to each other. It can be very different for every single couple. MAKE TIME TO DO THE THINGS THAT YOU BOTH KNOW MAKES YOU FEEL CLOSER!!
I’m so sorry about your losses.
I found when we found a way to commemorate our losses together it brought us closer.
Dating each other, trying new things together, just talking with and listening to each other.