My sibling (19) and I (23) lost our mom when we were 12 and 16. I was taken in by our mom’s mom, and they were taken in by their dad. Their dad was abusive toward our mom (financially and verbally for certain, not sure about physically) to the point where she wanted to leave but was too scared to, and it put a strain on her relationship with our grandma because he wanted her to cut contact, despite her helping raise us as children. After our mom’s death, my sibling’s dad painted me and our mom’s family as the enemy so contact with them was difficult. At one point my sibling begged me to help them move out once they turned 18 due to their dad’s abusive behavior, and I did. It didn’t go well. The police were called and my sibling’s dad threatened to kill them before the police arrived.
After all this, I helped enroll them into college, I bought them a new phone, glasses, and paid for doctor’s visits, all despite not having a job at the time and being a college student myself. They seemed very happy for a while. College gave them a hard time though. It was the first time they had really experienced any freedom and I think it was too much for them at once. They essentially failed all their classes and spent all of their beneficiary money. Around this time I found out they had gotten back in contact with their dad’s family and the family had been begging them to come back and visit. They went back. Soon after, they had to leave college and I was the only one who showed up to help them pack and move out, which was very stressful for me because it was after the college’s move out period and I live 2.5 hours away from their college. Their stepmom was the one who dropped them off that day but stepmom had left right after, leaving them with me without warning. I didn’t have the resources to take them in so I took them to our grandma’s house. I told them they would be safe and well cared for with our grandma, but they had to help her out around the house sometimes because she’s getting older and I would help financially where I could.
I left our grandma’s a few days later. About a week passed before I was able to call our grandma and ask how they were doing. She told me my sibling had left the day after I did. I felt hurt, confused. I know my sibling has been through a lot. I know they’re hurting because of what we’ve been through with our mom and what they’ve been through with their dad. I know they’ve spent so many years with their dad and it’s what they’re used to, but I still feel betrayed after everything. I feel like I’m being irrational and selfish at times. I want to talk to my sibling again because I miss them so much but at the same time I’m not sure what to say or if I’m ready to forgive them for myself. I’m not sure what to do. What could I say? How do I reach out?