I (23F) saw my (almost) long distance boyfriend (27M) tonight for the first time in about a month and half. We’ve been talking about this for awhile and have both been super excited about it. However, when we started getting intimate I noticed that he couldn’t stay hard for very long. This was never an issue before we started doing long distance. He was always able to get hard easily and stay hard, even throughout multiple rounds. Is there any reason for this? Nerves maybe? The stress of flying/traveling?
15 comments
I’d honestly say it’s simply performance anxiety, there was probably extra pressure to perform since it’s been so long.
It is definitely a different kinda anxiety or nervousness that he may be facing .
Have some more sessions and wait for the pleasurable moment.
Nerves most likely. And prob waaaay to much porn and jacking off while apart.
Shit happens … So far it’s a one time occurrence. If it persists then you might have a problem, but after one night … I wouldn’t draw any conclusions
You may think he wasn’t engaging in activities the whole time but maybe he was jacking off too much (perhaps to thoughts about you if not to material on the internet in case you guys have agreed to not watch p*). He’s desensitized for a while. Tell him to stop jacking off for 15 days and you both also don’t engage in any activity in that period. He’ll be fine.
Also, this is just one possibility. It could be something else as well. Talk to him.
Performance anxiety or he is beating it until it bleeds, both are equally possible.
Could be anything really- my boyfriend has difficulty if he’s tired or stressed as well.
Nerves would be my guess. I had a few long distance relationships. We’d usually be cuddling our first night back together, and save the second night for getting more intimate. Less pressure on both of us. Good luck to you!
The way she goes sometimes. The fuckin way she goes.
Or maybe it was cold and he had no socks on.
Been there and was way embarrassed and ashamed and that didn’t helped. Its mental thing. Mostly anxiety. But it was gone after couple of weeks. It was work and life pressure mostly and had nothing to do eith my sweetheart and me.
Yes, I would say it is most likely related to stress. I have myself experienced erectile dysfunction as a 25 year old and it totally shocked me because I was really attracted to the girl and had never had a problem with getting hard before. At the time I had problems with anxiety and was in the process of doing a job interview abroad.
I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Us men when stressed sometimes aren’t exactly in the mood. We aren’t horny 24/7, I’m sure he was extremely excited to see you and he was stressed thinking he might not get another chance to get intimate for a while. Nerves and anxiety can kill that. However if this continues to be an issue, I’d certainly talk to him about it.
Probably in his head and making it worse for himself. He’s tripping out and you need to not take it personally and maybe tell him he just needs to relax, that you love him, and that he shouldn’t worry so much about it. Would probably help
Erection is parasympathetic stimulation, as in “rest and digest”. Adrenaline is a hormone released during sympathetic “fight or flight”. Stress can cause adrenaline to be released via the stress hormone cortisol.
As a man, if I had to describe the feeling, it’s like the moment in class that you flip over an exam and start. All you can think about is passing, to the point where your stress makes it harder for you to focus. This is common when guys take a break from sex, or acquire a brand new partner, or when they put the girl on such a high pedestal they can’t even think about their own satisfaction, only how to perform good enough.
All of this directly counters the processes needed for sexual arousal.