Hello everyone! I need some advice on what is the right thing to do
This is a typical friendship/friendzone cliche story but I don’t really know what choice I should take to go forward.
I have a girl best friend and our friendship is almost turning 3 years this year and a typical friendzone scenario happened. I fell in love with her and recently she is dating someone else which makes her very happy, I didn’t confess my feelings to her since I don’t really wanna ruin what we have, then suddenly yesterday I sent her a message in Messenger saying that
“I am happy for you that finally you won’t be needing me anymore and someone will take care of you from now on, and I want to distant myself since I think that’s the right thing to do and don’t wanna ruin your happiness”
I was planning that the message will be my last and I’ll begin to cut her off and move on.
But the thing is, she’s crying and didn’t wanna lose me while begging that I should stay. Right now she’s still sending me a typical message like “how are you?, did you eat?”
I haven’t seen her last message yet, I don’t really know what to do, should I continue to cut her off and just move on? Or be a friend and rarely text her?
3 comments
My first thought was that the message sounded kind of condescending or like you are mad at her. Not saying you are mad at all, but she may be worried that you are angry with her.
I think the message you sent was kind of unfair to her. She didn’t do anything wrong by dating this other guy, if you never told her that you had feelings before this she just thought you were very close friends. And now because you’re hurt that she’s dating someone else, you passive aggressively tell her that you’re leaving her to her own devices without any explanation other than “you don’t want to ruin her happiness”. The fact that she’s crying just shows how deep she’s hurt over this.
But to answer your question, she deserves some kind of explanation. You guys have been friends for 3 years. It’s not like you guys were in a relationship and she cheated on you with your best friend. You should give her at least that. But I definitely wouldn’t continue to stay friends with her if you believe you can’t continue the way things are currently. I never stay friends or even keep contact with my ex’s, so I definitely understand how that can feel.
I would just send one last message, tell her you have very strong feelings for her, and that seeing her with another guy is eating you alive inside. Reassure her that she didn’t do anything wrong, but to protect yourself and your sanity you need to take a step back. If she doesn’t respect your feelings after that and continues to try and be friends I would slow ghost her. Give her blunt one word answers and then eventually just don’t reply. You’re entitled to your peace of mind too.
Get yourself a girlfriend, and still be her friend.