I (m23) recently moved into a new region due to me getting my first “proper” job there.
And with this new beginning I was thinking about also trying to find a partner again (I have been single since high school, no luck at uni).
However it appears impossible to find/meet anyone with how my life currently is.
My field of work has very few women in general and none that are single/my age.
After work I commute to the place I live and I dedicate most of my time to my hobbies. These being tabletop gaming (once again close to no women there) and PenAndPaper games that I play with with my friends I cannot physically meet (due to me moving or them living abroad).
Both aren’t things I’d wish to give up but wherever I look it’s always “start doing a new hobby”or “go to conventions”.
Thing is: If I’d start yet another hobby then I wouldn’t even have any free time for a relationship left and if I go to an event/convention alone I will always leave that convention alone, no matter to how many people I talk there.
And if I were to pick up something with the sole purpose to meet a partner that would feel super insincere because I don’t think I’d be sticking with it past that point.
I have used/am using dating apps but being an average looking dude you can guess how well that’s going. And if I should by sheer chance get a match they have so far stopped replying after the first day. Doesn’t help that I am not into clubbing/partying which apparently 9/10 women in the area are into.
I am looking into local clubs but given my experience with conventions I have no high hopes there.
Like what am I supposed to do to find someone?
5 comments
>My field of work has very few women in general and none that are single/my age.
>After work I commute to the place I live and I dedicate most of my time to my hobbies.
Dating a co-worker is a bad idea anyways. You don’t poop where you eat. And if you want to enter the grown up world and find a partner, you’re going to have to ‘enter the grown up world’ and let some of the game playing go. No woman wants a guy who’s too busy playing with his friends to play with her.
Life is all about priorities. I’m not telling you to need to drop a hobby, but if finding a relationship is important to you, you have find the time to dedicate to it. Something has to give. It’s not just about dating. Assume things go well – a relationship is going to take up a portion of your time. Maybe you find someone with the same hobbies and do them together, but that’s not super likely.
If you’re happy with your life as is, that’s cool too. Keep on trucking. When you decide you want something different, then make a change.
>Like what am I supposed to do to find someone?
Remember that there isn’t a happily ever after for every guy. Some guys (like us) aren’t meant to get girlfriends and spend the rest of our days single without ever experiencing dating.
I’m not sure hobby is the right thing you are looking for necessarily, but interests rather. You can do plenty of stuff without dedicating specific time slots and such. Flexibility is important if you want to pursue women, schedules are messy.
So instead of a hobby, do you have any interests, preferrably outside your home? Maybe bring some friends along to an arcade some time if you have that, maybe try an escape room.
If you don’t like clubbing stay away. Don’t dismiss who you are just so you can chase after girls. I’m not sure how much replacements go on in a d&d group, but I suspect it’s mostly the same faces. Isnt there an adventure version you can play in game stores with random people?
The secret to attracting women is stop trying to attract women. Easier said than done of course, but while you work on that I would suggest just increasing your social circle in general. I imagine there are quite a few women out there interested in dungeons and dragons, but it has a bit of a stereotype so maybe a friendly face could be what she’s looking for to get introduced to it? Maybe she’s into it and has a couple of friends that also want to try? Better be prepared to DM.
Nobody knows what the future holds, all you can do is prepare as best you can. If your “main” goal at this point in time is to find love, you got a lot of work to do, nothing ever comes easy when it comes to dealing with people and you can always find ways to improve yourself. There is so much for you to do out there, preferrably you won’t even have time to look for women, and suddenly she’s there with you:)
Relatable