Me and this girl have been through so much in life together, the good and the bad. But problems started developing a couple years ago when she cheated on me. We were both determined to make it work and it did for a long time despite the harsh consequences that come along with that. We managed to love and forgive but after the first breakup I saw a side of her I’ve never seen before. The sweetest, most innocent and kind girl who is always concerned about whatever you may be going through. Turned into the coldest hearted girl on the planet who completely ignored your emotions and acted as if she never loved you. (Which arguably hurt more than the shattering news of being cheated on)
So fast forward to this year. I’ve started a job working the graveyard shift (Wens-Sat)and we were both afraid what kind of impact it would make on our relationship and agreed apon me not perusing it if we sensed it was a threat. It was… We said we would give it a month but it went way past that and I started to like the environment I was in. Making it hard for me to leave. After a while we stopped talking about it and problems emerged unnoticed. She would bring things up, like me not being involved enough in her life. we would talk, cry and keep it moving without actually finding a solution.. (Really hard to juggle my love life, hobbies, and responsibilities within the short amount of daylight i have.)
After so much time went on she started going out to the bars with her friends and I didn’t have a problem with it because I trusted she wouldn’t make the same mistake. Till I saw her location inside of a random house 2 towns away via snapchat. Naturally the worst thoughts came to mind but I didn’t directly confront her about it.(Which I regret) I just sent a message saying “idk why I just feel like something bad is brewing” and she caught on even though.I tried to play it off like I was just having a rough night at work because deep down i knew it was nothing. 2 days following that we were hanging out on my timeoff and she confronted me about it and I tried playing it off again but she wouldn’t accept that as an answer. And I told her how it made me feel she explained the whole situation (one of her friends went home with a guy and they went to pick them up. Ended up hanging around for a little bit) She then told me how she always feels the need to express every detail about her adventures to ensure my trust and how that can be stressful. And we already have plenty of stress given our living situation.( with my parents who are going through a nasty divorce)
But then something clicked one morning with her and she woke me up with a text saying “we need to talk” (we never say that so I knew it was bad and I was becoming very anxious.) And she started expressing herself about how she is scared for the future of our relationship because of the feelings that the problems I mentioned earlier where lingering around for a long time and can’t handle the bad with the good anymore. And how she wants to take a break from me to see if the feelings go away and then make her decision of either ending or staying in the relationship. It sucks because I feel like I was very persistent on her being pre determined about just ending it and I sort of pushed her into that direction. I’ve told her the first thing I’ma do when I get to work is try to get my schedule changed and make more time for her. But she believes it isnt the issue and is so stressed about the whole thing that she might not even want to try anymore.. but during that conversation it was flooded with emotions from crying to that cold mode she got so Im not sure if we still got a shot or this is the end of something I value more than anything in the world. We both love eachother very much but I don’t think she has the fight within her to help this relationship regenerate.
Tl;DR: Her number one priority in our relationship is quality time. But with new job-schedule/hobbies/responsibilities.
I haven’t been able to produce much. She thinks I do the best I can but it’s not enough. (She doesnt know the new job is the source of this) She wants to try a break but I know it’s heading for a breakup. Is this salvageable? I’m very scared of her making the wrong decision. 😕
Any tips/advice/ideas are very appreciated thanks for heaeing me out.
4 comments
I stopped reading about two sentences in. TL;DR she cheated on you. Move on you can no longer trust her.
Dude she cheated on you…then tells you that she wants a break.
The writing on the wall has never been so clear.
You know what to do.
You got together when you were kids; I think the relationship has probably run its course now. She has a aready cheated at least once and you admit that your hobbies take precedence over time with her. Too much time is spent arguing and crying instead of enjoying life.
You are still young, and it can be very painful at any age when parents divorce. You may be anxious to hang on to your gf for security although the relationship is not giving either of you what you need.
Sometimes people hold on to a partner for fear of being alone or fear of regretting the loss later. The fact is when we hold on so tight to something that is wrong for us, our hands and attention are too full to accept something good later that comes our way.
Breaks rarely work and when they do it’s usually a day or two. She asked for a break? Would you ask her to go on a break my guess is probably not because you love her. You have to tell her you love her and that your not an option. She was never an option in your life but a choice of love through the good and the bad. Sometimes feelings are confusing and change but you want to be with someone that will grow with you during those changes not run. People think relationships are all sunshine and rainbows but they can be hard and you grow stronger with good communication. Be an adult and tell her you love her with all your heart but your not an option or a game you put away you’re a fucking human being. I experienced the exact same thing when I was your age and it made me so much more mature and successful. Tell her how you feel buck up it’s probably not going to swing the way you want. But you know what you would be standing up for yourself and grow as a person. If you feel down talk to your family and friends or workout set goals small and big and achieve them. You have an entire world out there go out and get it!!