My (21f) boyfriend (22m) just told me that he is grossed out by the texture of my vagina when he goes down on me and has to try not to gag. Let me preface this with a few things: 1) we’ve been together 2 1/2 years. He’s gone down on me maybe 5 times. 2) I’ve expressed many times to him that it makes me feel as though he does not want me or want to satisfy me. To which he’s always said that he wants to and will do it more, but never follows through. He’s told me before that he just doesn’t like doing it. That was always very hard for me to understand because I love doing things for him that I know he likes. If he were to ask me to try something new with him it wouldn’t even be a second thought to me. 3) In our whole relationship, he’s never given me an orgasm. We will occasionally use a vibrator but I still find it hard to finish. 4) I am a very sexual person. I am open about sex, have kinks, started having sex at 14 and did crazy things with my ex during high school. My current bf is not at all like that. He finds it hard to talk about sex and has always looked at it as something you should keep private and not talk about. 5) We moved in together about a month and a half ago and my sex drive has been very high. He does not have the same sex drive as me, which I am more than okay with. When we lived separately I was able to satisfy myself whenever I wanted so when we were together I didn’t mind not having sex (not that it’s all I want from him, of course). But since we’ve moved in together I find it hard to have that time to myself and don’t know how to bring it up to him.
Back to the being grossed out part. He told me all this last night because we got in a small argument (I initially brought it up but it wasn’t the sole focus of the argument). He kept saying over and over that it is not about me and he does not think I am gross. He has always had a thing about textures so I’m really trying to understand where he’s coming from. (Please don’t come at me saying I’m not hygienic because I am. I shower everyday, don’t use ph altering soaps, use warm water and a wash cloth, everything I’m supposed to do). I guess I’m just looking for any advice on anything I’ve said. Specifically the texture thing. I can elaborate more in comments if need be.
12 comments
Nothing really more to do. He doesn’t like it, so he’s not going to do it. Doesn’t matter how much *you do things*, it’s his presence.
Honestly sounds like you two aren’t very compatible sexually. Outside of this situation, you two don’t sound like you’re aligned and it ends up with you compromising more often than not
Has he said what about the “texture” of it that grosses him out? Because I don’t understand it….
Update: I should have added in the post that he DOES want to get over this and does want to do it for me. He said he’s afraid of going down on me, feeling a weird texture, and gagging because he doesn’t want to put that on me. He hasn’t said what it is about the texture that bothers him, just that it does.
Texture? I’ve never heard of that one before
You are pressuring him to do something he finds gross. Time to let this go and never bring it up again.
You need a new boyfriend.
Life is too short to not get head. For me it’s the only way I orgasm. So his position, which he’s entitled to, would be a relationship dealbreaker for me 🤷♀️. I expect to give and receive head in my relationship.
I think there are bigger issues here. He’s never given you an orgasm? In 2.5 years? That combined with the oral situation doesn’t make it sound like you’re sexually compatible.
Y’all definitely aren’t compatible sexually. The rest of your relationship might be great but as time goes on this will only become more and more of an issue. I couldn’t imagine not being satisfied sexually with my gf. I don’t receive oral but at least the rest of our sex life is incredible. You’re not getting any type of sexual pleasure in almost 3 years & y’all just moved in together.
You deserve a lot better than this jerk. He’s full of shit.
Get a dental dam for him to use, then the only texture will be latex, maybe they will help him transition doing it without one.
He can use a dental dam. Texture problem = solved. I would buy them myself and give them as a present to him if I was you.