How do I respond if someone is upset and talking to me about it and trying and get advice? I’ve tried several ways but none of them seem to work and improve their emotional state.

I’m not very good at giving helpful advice or reassurance when the person I’m dating is upset or distressed or is complaining to me about something that happened in their life that worries or annoys them. Over the past year, I’ve tried almost everything I can think of.

They don’t like it when I just listen to them vent and tell them that their feelings are valid, or say something like “I’m sorry that you’re experiencing \_\_\_\_\_\_”. I used to say that a lot in the past but then found out that they prefer practical solutions. They’re specifically looking for useful advice to the problem/their feelings, or a different perspective that might help them see things a different way. I ask clarifying questions a lot (both to make them feel heard and also to help myself understand the situation better). I try to suggest advice or give solutions, but those usually aren’t helpful and the person ends up feeling unsatisfied with my response. My advice and my solutions are something they’ve thought of but won’t work, or just something they don’t find helpful even though I mean well and I’m trying my best to come up with solutions. I do offer my perspective if it’s completely different from theirs, and that gives us something to talk about but ultimately doesn’t solve their problem or make them feel better in any way.

It’s hard for me to give specific examples because this happens frequently with many situations. One example that comes up a lot is how they have trouble connecting with people and making friends in their new city. Another example is how they feel left out of their roommates’ social activities since they’re not invited very often.

I want to help my partner with their problems but I feel like I’ve tried the ways that I know of, and I don’t know what else I can do besides listen to them, validate their feelings, and give them advice/potential solutions. None of these seem to work, and I’m wondering if I’m missing something and whether I’m just bad at empathizing with people and helping them. Any suggestions for what else I could try doing would be helpful, thanks in advance.