I do not understand how to get past a first date

5 comments

1. You’re kinda doomed as a male. The game is fated to be harder against you

2. Online dating can be like that, most guys are on here venting about not getting dates so you’re doing ok. Try not to invest too much energy into online dating and also try meeting some people irl. Join some social groups or classes that you might enjoy but also might meet some new people. Can’t really say what you might be doing wrong from your post tho. Are you any good at interpreting body language? Maybe you’re boring them but don’t realise. Have you kissed any of them or attempted to? Do you shy away from eye contact? What is your comfortable physical pace?

3. I only like to keep dating about 1/20 people I interact with for a first date, that’s not an uncommon ratio.

   One thing that has kept me from having second dates with a lot of people who thought we had a good date was lack of reciprocity. If I ask “what video games do you play?” “what do you like to read” or 1000x other questions they would answer, sometimes elaborate in painstaking detail, and not ask me back. Or they wouldn’t initiate questions in return. Feeling like I was interested in them (and sometimes first date nerves) would make them think they were hitting it off big time when I was just getting progressively disappointed at how one sided the conversation was.

   My tips are
   Have a few questions ahead of time that you want to ask Make sure you say “what about you?” in return after you answer a question, but DON’T fake it. if you don’t care what their best high school adventure was after they asked you yours, don’t fake it to seem interested because relationships aren’t built on faking shit.

   Time box a first date. Be clear about it (“I like to keep first dates to about 2 hours and we can check back the next day about if we’d like to plan another, does that work for you?). A two hour window gives you a good baseline, it’s not overwhelming, it takes the pressure down. If THEY suggest extending at the end of it, great!!! But stick to the end time if they don’t initiate.

   I have had a lot of long dates with people who I thought were nice – but not somebody I could picture spending 20 hours in a car with or the next 20 years with. They felt chemistry because of my friendly interest in them as human beings and assumed the same. Golly jeez I wanted to escape by hour two but felt it was rude. Does not mean there is something wrong with YOU.

   If you feel comfortable you can always ask a person or two (somebody who you think is mature) for blunt honesty about if it was just not a spark or if there was some constructive feedback about your dating approach. I have had people monopolize the conversation and not realize it (they tend to do it on subsequent convos even if I’d mentioned my feelings on that) insult their exes, complained excessively without balancing it with positives, hated my favorite movie, loved music I hated, made it clear they hoped a partner would do things I did not want to do at ALL, were vegan, might want kids when I knew I didn’t want kids… there are so many factors in compatibility, I just want to tell you that it’s always going to be complex but it doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong.

4. Well,at least you know youre not unattractive,you got 20 girls to say yes,you gotta polish your talking skills

5. You sound socially awkward to the point that it’s dooming you. In a competitive environment these women are dating funny and charming guys who don’t take a minute to warm up to them and make funny and relevant jokes. I have a feeling your conversation flow is the problem. If you’re nervous and talking too much and it feels like you’re stepping all over their dialogue you’re killing the mood. Idk how you define inappropriate jokes bc if they were funny I’m sure you’d be fine 9/10 times.

   I’d almost look back through those in your head like watching tape from a football game.

   20 first dates without a second isn’t a good ratio.