I’ve seen articles recommending scheduling sex to help with mismatched libidos. I’ve also had a therapist ask if I had tried scheduling time for sex or planning it.
I have tried this but can’t seem to get into the idea of scheduling a time. It feels forced when there’s a time planned for it.
Has this worked for anyone? What are your thoughts on scheduling it?
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Instead of scheduling sex, you schedule intimacy time when sex can, but doesn’t have to, happen.
If you schedule intimacy time every day, you’ll see that you’ll both want to take advantage of the possibility more often than not.
It also helps when there is the need for the initial spark to get the responsive desire going.
Have fun!
It did not work for me. It actually made things worse.
After having kids, we started scheduling sex. The idea was simple: my wife was rarely in the mood to have sex, but when we did, she enjoyed it. We realized she had a responsive desire, so we started by scheduling sex every Wednesday night. Actually, we scheduled alone time in our bed together directly after the kids fell asleep. No TV. No work. No cleaning. Just time together in bed to talk, relax, unwind, and then have sex (usually). Sometimes she wasn’t in the mood and we’d push it a night, and that was fine. One night a week eventually turned into 2 or 3. For her (and her responsive desire), it’s helpful to know that sex is on the agenda (but the agenda can be altered if we either one wants to). For me, it made it easier to initiate. Is it as spontaneous as when we first started dating? No. But the sex is satisfying to both of us and taking the time to prioritize intimacy together has brought us closer together physically AND emotionally.
My husband and I have VERY different work schedules and go to bed at different times of the day, so having spontaneous sex can be difficult. We don’t necessarily schedule an exact date and time, but if I’m feeling horny during the day I’ll send him a text or mention it to him that we should have sex that evening/when he gets home/etc. At first it felt lame and unsexy, but it has really helped us make it more of a priority in our relationship. And the buildup knowing you are going to have sex later can be fun! Gives each of us enough time to mentally prepare and we end up having amazing sex later because we have both been thinking about it all day.
You don’t have to set a day and time and make it a chore or something to check off your to do list. That will 100% ruin the moment and turn it into a chore. A simple heads up to your partner earlier if you are in the mood is enough “planning” and still keeps things a little natural.
We don’t exactly schedule it but we decide we’re going to have sex that evening and then more often than not it materializes.
Instead of feeling forced , you may experience some anticipation. Which is good. It’s okay to be hesitant and not want to when you really don’t want to.
But make it couple time instead. You can connect. Cuddle. If you are okay with it sex.
Do you enjoy sex when you have it but don’t think to have it…??? Then you have responsive desire