we have been dating for two years, i love her for her maturity and her attitude, she is super cool for her age and is also the only one who understands me. She’s been there for some pretty dark times in my life. She is very important to me and I don’t want to lose her, but I can’t settle down now either. I have plans and I really don’t feel ready for all her expectations.
she keeps mentioning our future together and has also been talking about a baby’s name for a few months, I have already agreed to leave my parents and move to her place to reassure her but she still wants more. I’m still in college and im working but not enough to provide for her and a baby, I don’t know how to make her understand that… Every time I try to bring up the subject, she thinks I’m cheating on her.
tl ; dr: I’m french, sorry for the spelling mistakes.
26 comments
Two years!? She was 31 and you were 18? That is creepy af. Tell her you don’t marry creepy ladies. Then run away.
Don’t do it. And be careful, it sounds like the beginning of a story about how she got pregnant “on accident”. If you’re not ready, that’s it. You don’t need to explain it further than that, and its very manipulative if she accuses you of cheating when you tell her you’re not ready.
She’s a big girl, she already knows that 20 is too young to marry. She didn’t marry at 20 either, did she?
Don’t let her pressure you and be firm on your boundaries. If she has baby fever, she needs to find someone who is ready for a baby; most 20-year-olds are for obvious reasons neither mentally nor financially ready for a baby.
As a 32 year old woman, I seriously can’t fathom dating a 20 year old. They are closer to children than men. It’s weird as hell and so many things in your post are questionable. Your parents don’t have an issue with the age gap?
Whatever you do, don’t move in, don’t get engaged, use condoms, *your* condoms, that she has no access to at any time. You’re in really dangerous territory in this relationship. There are so many opportunities for it to fuck up your life irrevocably. She knows you’re not ready for any of this, by the way. She just doesn’t care and is going to do whatever it takes to get what she wants (at your expense).
Wow gender reversed from what we usually see.
This is still grooming. She choose you, a newly hatched adult, for a reason. Your prefrontal lobe isn’t fully formed. Your right to be put off by this.
Frankly, a 31f trying to trap a 18m is so desperate, cringy and questionable. What’s wrong with her? What mental illness does she have?
You’re probably a real catch and she’s trying to trap you before you realize how fucked up she is. Is there any coercion or manipulation in the relationship? Ever feel uncomfortable with her?
How’d you meet at 18?
bro you’re too young for her.
“Im not ready to get married. You’re too old for me. I think we should break up. Bye.” There you go. Straightforward.
Wtf was a 31 year old doing near a 18 year old?
Your gf is a creep and a predator.
Go be free and live your life.
Your older sister should have put a stop to this. She will definitely get pregnant even with condoms to baby trap you. She may have been a good friend and helped you through tough times, but that is what a sibling or a parent does so she isn’t that special. She already is ignoring you telling her you need to wait and she is pressuring you to be more mature than you are. Do not move in with her or you’ll be trapped forever and wonder where your youth went. You say you don’t want to lose her but she wants you to lose your youth. And you are willing to move in with her to reassure her? Nope. Just nope. You asked Reddit and everybody is saying the same thing. Pay attention and get out. Finish school, start your career and let her have a baby with someone her own age.
You need to break up and finish college!!
Your GF is a predator!! Do not get her pregnant!!
She started grooming you when you were 18. Break up with her. She’s a creep.
The truth is, others may be correct when they’ve expressed concerns about you being groomed. But as someone with a son around your age, and as someone who was similarly groomed at your age…I don’t think you’ll believe it, or want to accept it
So for now here is some temporary advice – sit her down and communicate exactly how you’re feeling. If you’re worried you will say it wrong, or get confused in the moment – you could write it down or record it as a video message. But be there when she reads/watches so that you can both talk about it after.
If she is a good person, who cares about you and cares about your feelings then while she may be disappointed – she will be understanding. If she tries to guilt trip you, or gaslight you, or gets angry – call a time out to the discussion and head back to your parents for a cooling off period. When you’re both ready, try talking about it again. If she continues to be unreceptive to your own feelings, then it would definitely be time to consider if it is worth going forward. Because no matter how strongly you feel about her, it has no happy future if she is unwilling to care about your feelings.
Have a Google and read about something called “sunk cost”. I have found it a valuable thing to consider when I’m making decisions – it helps you work out your potential motivations. It is also something to consider when wondering if you carry on with the relationship knowing it will eventually end.
And I will add, when you’re ready, get some therapy/counselling. It will be really helpful ❣️
I would go with:
“I am too young to get married, lady”
Dude as harsh as it sounds you say what is freaking obvious. You are not ready to get married at 20 – so say it and let the chips fall where they may.
1 age gap is serious 🚩🚩
2 mature for your age is usually I can say and do what I want and they are too young and inexperienced to know the difference
3 your parents are okay with these nasty grooming tactics and probably just want you out of the house
She knew you when you were 12-13. I don’t care if you said you pursued her. She definitely waited until you were 18 to say yes. She groomed you. That’s gross.
yikes imagine being 30 and dating someone who’s barely graduated high school. that’s disgusting
she’s 33 and you 20 OF COURSE you are not ready to have a wife and kids
>also the only one who understands me
I guarantee she is not if you look a little harder.
I smell a case of baby trap coming on.
Dude. Shes a predator. She got to have her 20s and shes trying to get you to rush through your 20s and to jump into a phase of life she knows youre not ready for. She wants you to act like youre in your 30s, not 20s, thats abuse
The fact that you *can’t* date someone 10 years younger is an indicator that this isn’t right…. As a 20yo right now would you even consider dating an 18yo, would it cross your mind.
When I was 18, I started dating this 32 year old. I was tired of dating guys my own age and went for someone “with my maturity level” was pressured into a relationship faster than I wanted, got engaged after 3 months, almost had a child with him. I’m just now at 22 coming to terms with the fact I was groomed and abused by this man. I didn’t even see all the abuse until a year after I left. Please see the red flags now and leave while you can. I promise you the pussy is not that good. Your a child and she’s a predator.
OMFG I SCREAMED WHEN I READ “COOL FOR HER AGE” BRO. lol tell her exactly that one day and watch how fast she realizes she is a gross old woman for dating someone so young. i say this as someone her age.
Sorry to tell you, but your girlfriend is a sick lady. I’m 30 at the moment and my brother is 18, if a 31yr old ass woman was after my brother I’d beat the shit out of her.
Please go leave your life free of commitment
Dude, this woman is showing some major immaturity- which considering that a 31 year old started dating a teenager totally checks out.
Don’t let yourself get trapped in this relationship. You will grow up and change A LOT over the next several years. you may think she’s for you now but considering her level of immaturity now, you won’t soon. You will outgrow her.
She’s already put out the feelers for your reaction to getting baby trapped. Don’t trap yourslelf in something you’re not ready for.