We first met through an Apex game of all places and had a lot on common. Shes funny, sweet, an amazing artist, but she was also hesitant on doing webcams on Discord, her excuses being she’d have to get make up on to look all pretty. Already that was a big red flag, but love makes you do stupid things so I shrugged it off.
However, as time passed, I was getting a bit concerned about whom I was talking with. All the time, gifts, moments spent together was with a void of a person; I hadn’t the first clue of her appearance aside that she was Latina. Only until recently did she call me and confess why she hadn’t been showing her face, or body: she said she is fat.
Now I don’t mind a bit of chub on women, but then she turned on the webcam and my reaction was akin to a deer in headlights. She was easily 300+ pounds. I was basically doing my best to not outright be disgusted with the lying and appearance I had been attracted to. I held a poker face and calmly assured her it was all right and then did the usual ritual of saying goodnight.
I’m now in bed posting this, sad, angry, confused. I saw the red flags early, but I didn’t act on them. Any attraction I had for her is now completely gone, and I feel like I was talking with someone else entirely tonight.
Should I break it off with her for lying to me? I cant see myself being in this relationship even after a year being with her. I cant see a future with someone this unattractive.
EDIT: I forgot to mention it, but since she is an artist she often drew herself depicted as a skinny goth chick with dyed red hair. I guess that somewhat counts as catfishing considering she often said this was how she saw herself?
32 comments
Yes, break it off then. Just don’t tell her she is unattractive, that’s unnecessary.
Info:
-did she lie about her appearance?
-did she use someone else’s pictures?
-how long did this go on?
Obviously you have every right to break up with her, if you aren’t attracted to her there’s nothing you can do. Take it as a learning experience and meet girls locally for the time being
Given the way you’re feeling I think you should break it off.
She actively kept her appearance from you for an entire year (shady) & you can’t really help what body types you are/aren’t attracted to.
Let her down but be nice about it. Don’t make her feel bad about herself.
bra, don’t beat yourself up to much over this. honestly block her and never look back. learn your lesson and move on. try to get a girlfriend that isn’t long distance, long distance is most always ends in heart break and regret trust me.
If you break up with her in the near future, she will clearly going to believe that you consider her unattractive — which is her worst fear
Did she use other woman’s picture or are you just disappointed? Are you absolutely sure that you can’t be with her because you seemed like her personality?
Either way, I do agree you should break up with her if you don’t have any feelings for her anymore. It’s just everything’s sucks here
Catfished implies that you were lied to. I don’t think you were lied to.
I think she is a person who has shame around her appearance (because people are judgemental pricks).
I think you were holding out hope that she’d be some super model and ignored the signs that she might be hiding something. If her physical type was something that important to you, you should have sought actual answers about her appearance instead of putting your head in the sand. Also, I’m not sure why physical appearance is so important to someone you’ve been long distance with for so long.
You both could have done better here. You both fucked up. Let her down easy. “GF, I’ve enjoyed so much with you. I know how hard it was to finally bring it up why you had been hiding yourself, and thank you for doing so. I have to tell you that you are not my physical type. I wished this had come up earlier on, and wish you more open about who you are from the start. I should also say that I should have pushed to find out more about your physical appearance sooner, as it is something that is important in a relationship to me, and I am sorry for not taking ownership of that. “
How do you fall inlove with her if you don’t know what she looks like
From your post, you say nothing about appearance being the topic of the question other than being a latina. You weren’t catfished. She was honest when she said she was a bigger woman. Which is also the cause of her to be insecure in showing a picture and appearing on cam.
When she finally opened up to you and went on cam, it proved that she was honest in what she said and you stayed composed. But what is happening right now, is that you are planning your escape and she will continue to think that it was because of her appearance that you left.
You have every right to make your own decisions but to say you’ve been catfished? Is definitely not true.
Maybe put some more thought into it before ending things. Your initial reaction is understandable, but it would be wise to wait until you calm down so you can think rationally about the situation and make a decision you won’t regret. You seem to get along with her well and you think she’s sweet and funny. Would she be willing to lose weight?
If you’ve made up your mind about it, that’s totally fine. Just let her down easy. I’d avoid saying it’s because of her weight or appearance.
Unless she lied to you or used another persons pictures you weren’t catfished. If you just had this idea of how she looked that’s on you. I could see if maybe she hid it by only sending pics of her face in a certain angle or something then maybe.. but if you’re not attracted there’s nothing you can do about it. Just be nice about it and don’t make her feel any worse than she already will. She clearly is insecure about how she looks. This is going to be hard for both of you no matter what.
I would break up with her.
LUL
yea better date someone without seeing what they look like, sounds like a great idea /s
Okay boy, she didn’t lie to you. She was just terrified of you doing exactly what you did: caring more for her appearance than her personality. Now, of you’re an AH who just want someone in your standards, own it.
If you really think what matters the most is how she looks, own it. And seek help. You’re not ready to date anyone yet.
This isn’t catfishing. Unless she sent you photos that looked nothing like her or explicitly told you she was thin, this is just you not bothering to find out what someone looked like while talking to them for a year. If physical attraction is important to you, which is valid, then it’s on you to get a sense of that earlier on. If someone won’t video chat with you, that’s usually your cue to stop any romantic development.
She will likely know exactly why you’re breaking things off. She’s not stupid. Just be as kind as you can. In future, be more pragmatic about how you conduct your online relationships.
No need to feel bad, this was never your girlfriend, this was a penpal you met online. Maybe try not “dating” people you meet in videogames. They are completely full of shit and in real life are NOTHING like the persona they put forward online.
Did she actually catfish you? Did she ever show pictures or did you just presume she was skinny? Either way you should break it off if you aren’t feeling it and just explain that you aren’t wanting to carry on
I think people will get upset based on the nature of the deceit, but no- you’re not wrong. She lied, she purposefully withheld information so you could not make an accurate choice. It sucks, but she did it to herself.
1983 yılında kurulan ANAP’ın kurucu üyeleri arasında yer almıştır ve Genel Başkan yardımcılığı yapmıştır. İlk defa 1983 Türkiye genel seçimlerinde ANAP Rize milletvekili olarak meclise girmiştir. 1986 ve 1990 yılları arasında Turgut Özal tarafından kurulan hükûmetlerde Dışişleri Bakanı ve Kültür ve Turizm Bakanı olarak görevlendirilmiştir. ANAP Genel Başkanı Yıldırım Akbulut’un istifasının ardından 1991 yılında yapılan kongrede yeni genel başkan seçilerek başbakan olmuştur. 1995 Türkiye genel seçimlerinin ardından kurulan koalisyon hükûmetinde tekrar başbakan olarak görevlendirilmiştir. 1997-1999 yılları arasında da başbakan olarak görev yapmıştır. 2000-2002 yılları arasında DSP-MHP-ANAP koalisyonunda devlet bakanı ve başbakan yardımcısı olarak yer almıştır. Partisi 2002 Türkiye genel seçimlerinde meclise giremeyince istifa etmiştir. 2007 Türkiye genel seçimlerinde Rize’den bağımsız milletvekili olarak meclise girmiştir. 15 Ocak 2009-2011 yılları arasında ANAP ve Doğru Yol Partisi’nin birleşmesi sonucu kurulan Demokrat Parti’de siyasi yaşamına devam etmiştir. 2004 yılında Yüce Divan’da yargılanmıştır. Cumhuriyet tarihinde Yüce Divan’da yargılanan ilk başbakan olmuştur.
She is still the same person. You never saw her and was attracted to her personality for a year. Now that you know she isn’t your physical ideal, you are going to stop communicating with her. That is messed up. Did you fantasize about marrying Jennifer Lopez? Break it off if you want but realize online relationships are online for a reason and don’t always last in person even if she did look like JLo.
That’s not catfishing brother, that’s just stupidity on your part
What’s catfished?
I have a better question for people who meet people on gaming sites, etc- how or why do you consider yourself in a relationship if you never SEE or meet up with the person? At best this was a pen pal.
Third post I’ve seen in 24 hours about being in an online ‘relationship’ with someone you’ve never met in person
It’s not a relationship if you’ve never met, I really wish people would realise this.
If you’re not attracted to her, that’s fine. Let her know it’s not going to work and let her, and you, move on with your lives
It seems pretty weird that you’re saying she catfished you yet she never showed you a picture of another person saying it was her and all you really liked about her was her personality as you had no photos of her. People can lose weight, people get old too as time goes on but a good personality is something that lasts.
HAHAHAHA 🤣
Even if she was a skinny goth chick, this doesnt mean you two would hit it off IRL. Its impossible to get a true impression of a person just by speaking on the phone/texting, allways isolated. You never see them interact with friends, family, strangers, how they behave in any given situation or when faced with problems. This is what makes you fall in love with a person. All you two had was an illusion. Stop blaming it on her, saying you were catfished, she never lied to you. But she knows damn well apperance is important, thats why she hid it in the first place.
Something similar happened to me a few years back but she used “old photos” (likely they never were her) instead of drawings. I tried to get past it when she revealed the lies but by that time it called into question so much of what she’d told be that I couldn’t forgive her. I truly loved the person and felt so horrible she might think her appearance was what stood between us but no matter how I tried I couldn’t forgive the lies. I think this is what you’re up against as well. Listen to yourself and accept what you decide. Don’t drag your feet and risk leading her on like I did hoping it was fixable
So you’re mad that the girl you’ve never met doesn’t look the way you want?
What if she was just ugly but skinny?
I’ve read your other comments, she did lie to you and you got catfished, break it off with her, do it in a normal gentle way, don’t be cruel about it.
Honestly? You have a right to NOT be attracted to her. Just politely call it off and say you don’t want to date. If she asks why or it has something to do with her weight (she absolutely knows that’s why), it’s perfectly OK today “it’s BOTH that I’m not physically attracted to you and the fact that you lied about your appearance.” If that wasn’t true, she would have shown you pics of herself prior to meeting.
Tell her you can stay with her if she loses 200 pounds.