I can’t deal with it anymore. I’m losing my mind and not getting any sleep. My H snores so loud he actually wakes up the kids in their rooms at night. I kick him out of our room every night because it is impossible to sleep. All of us (myself and kids) use white noise and even headphones to sleep and it still doesn’t cover the sound.
He snores, he coughs, he jerks his legs around all night which shakes me awake just when I was sleeping.
He WILL NOT see a doctor about it. He refuses.
We just shelled out big money on one of those craftmatic type beds where it’s two beds side by side that are individually adjustable. I am putting ALL of my mental eggs in this one basket that this will solve his snoring, if he sleeps pretty much completely upright. Please God let this solve the problem.
It is spilling over into daytime hours… I am so resentful that I get no sleep and constantly feel like shit from lack of sleep. So yea, I’m grouchy, and the closer it gets to bedtime the worse I feel… like some kind of nighttime PTSD for what is coming when he is asleep. I dread going to bed because it means another night of fighting this issue and no sleep.
If the bed doesn’t fix it, and he still refuses to see a doctor, I told him we are separating the bed (it’s a King but technically two twins put together on two separate frames) and I’m putting his side in the basement, and he can stay there from now on. That is so mean. I am at my wits end. I have actually thought of moving out, that’s how frustrated I am.
Anyone else deal with this issue?
9 comments
What about a C-Pap machine? He should go get checked for sleep apnea. I stop breathing at night and my wife has told me this before. She’s also brought up the leg jerking as well. I’ve caught myself in that last few seconds when you wake up gasping for air.
Edit: A friend swears by his machine. He says he gets the best sleep of his life. To help me sleep I take 5-HTP. Have you tried a supplement to help you sleep as well?
So, I’m a snorer as well. Some nights, I’m bad but not so bad that ear plugs can’t block the noise. Other nights, I’m quiet. As such, no medical intervention yet. However, I rarely sleep in the same room as my wife. She doesn’t like the idea, but she most certainly does like the good nights sleep she’s able to get. To help with the guilt of me sleeping in another room, we did add bedtime cuddles every night since she goes to bed before I do. I leave when she’s drifting off so she barely notices I’m gone.
As for your husband, the three factors that influence my snoring the most are weight, tiredness, and alcohol. I’m overweight which is a known contributor to snoring. I’ve been working on that which is why I suspect my snoring has gotten a little better. Tiredness is another big factor. The more exhausted I am, the louder I will snore. If I’ve had several nights in a row with little sleep or I’ve had to get a lot of physical stuff done and I’m just worn out, I will be louder. And finally, booze. If I have a drink after dinner, I will be louder. The more I have, the worse I am. The “harder” the alcohol is, the worse I am (i.e. a Scotch or Gin and Tonic is worse than wine which is worse than beer).
The real problem is that he thinks he’s just fine. He’s not. It would be worth investing in a night vision security camera to record him (with permission of course) so he can see for himself what is going on. I’m no expert, but what you describe is pretty close to what my friends with severe sleep apnea have gone through. If your husband at least gets an annual physical, it might be worth calling his doctor before his next physical and tell him about the snoring.
You have GOT to get him to a sleep study ASAP. You are describing severe sleep apnea (I should know, I have it). How did I find out? Getting married.
It changed my life. I have more energy, I actually dream, and feel refreshed when I wake up. I had no idea how bad my sleep was until I got tested.
Encourage, plead, beg, threaten, do whatever it takes (short of violence) to get him into a sleep study.
If he has questions, tell him I would be happy to talk to him about it.
EDIT: How did I get downvoted for this?
Yes. I snore a lot. My wife is a light sleeper. I tried the CPAP machine, but it was a failure. The solution is that we have a guest bedroom with a guest bed, and I sleep there often. With the door closed to the bedrooms, the sound is muffled enough that my wife can sleep. I often start out in bed with my wife, but she kicks me out of bed in the middle of the night to the guest room when I start snoring.
RE: The CPAP machine, I didn’t figure it would work, but I gave it a try in the interest of cooperating with my wife. She wanted me to try it out. But I could not sleep with a contraption on my face. So, it was an expensive experiment that failed.
Try having separate bedrooms. I know couples that have slept separately for decades and they had a happy, healthy marriage.
Your husband has sleep apnea and restless leg syndrome. I have the same thing. There are some pills that help with the leg shaking and a sleep study will show that he needs a c-pap machine. I fought it for a long time, but finally gave in. He will even feel better when he wakes up, once he gets used to the hose hook up. Tell him if he won’t go, you are moving down the street.
Yes, I have been there, and at this point an ultimatum is entirely fair. I ended up having to get medication for night-time panic attacks, he was so disruptive. Sleep apnea can be deadly, so refusing a doctor is foolish and stubborn. I kicked mine out of the bedroom indefinitely until he dealt with it. You have a right to protect your own wellbeing, and it sounds like you are the only one putting the work into HIS issue. He has options, he just doesn’t care to utilise them. So down to the basement he goes.
Unfortunately for you, your husband is simply too stupid to ask his physician for a referral for a sleep study. Could definitely be because his SO2 levels fall to unsafe levels due to his sleep apnea and are affecting him neurologically.
Your husband has Obstructive Sleep Apnea(OSA) or Obstructive Sleep Disorder(OSD)
They can be deadly if left untreated. If he chooses to die instead of deal with it, you do not have to be in the same bed when it happens. You gave him a choice and he is choosing the basement.