I don’t think she uses reddit but I’m going to keep this as vague as I can. Two years ago I made a really good friend online. I come from a pretty rough background. I saw a lot of things I shouldn’t have seen at a young age. I don’t want this post to come off as me searching for pity because that’s not what I want. I just grew up seeing a lot of violence casually until I was 18 and moved out. My home life was good but I have seen people die, dead bodies, shootings, stabbings, anything you can think of. My friend group was large in my childhood and early teens but I’ve been to many of their funerals now as a 25 year old. So my whole life I’ve been pretty closed off to any kind of emotion or even new friendships. I have had casual things with women but no real relationships. That’s not to say I’m a player or anything I just can’t open up. I don’t even make new friends. I’ve had the same friends since the third grade because I trust them and they’d die for me.
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Two years ago I met this girl online. It wasn’t a dating site or anything(I’ve never done online dating) but we started talking. She is completely different from me. She lives a few states away. The only thing we have in common is music taste which is why we became friends. She is the first friend I’ve ever made like beyond the third grade. She’s the first person I’ve ever opened up to and talked about how the things I’ve seen and gone through have affected me. She’s the only person I’ve ever really let in on things that I didn’t even know were bothering me. Again, I don’t want this to come off as me seeking pity. She let me in on her history of drug addiction in the past and we both had some stressful situations happen while knowing each other. We were there for each other online. We have visited each other a few times and gone to concerts together. Romantic or not she is important to me and I consider her my best friend. In the past 6 months we’ve been talking a lot more. Like I’ll get off work and just face time her. She’ll be brushing her teeth and face time me. We’ll fall asleep on the phone talking to each other. She was staying at my apartment for three days and we didn’t have anything planned. No concert just hung out together. She kissed me and we had sex. We had a lot of sex. We didn’t talk about it and just kind of carried on like usual except we’d kiss each other. She’s been back in her state and she texted me that she has feelings for me. I told her that I have feelings for her too and that’s the extent of how much we talked about.
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I consider her to be my best friend and someone I want in my life forever. Shes the first person I’ve ever felt comfortable being vulnerable around. She’s the first person who’s made me feel like I’m worthy of being loved. Not in a romantic way but just in general. I had a moment after a year of our friendship where I realized that I am lovable and just that concept almost made me cry. It sounds dumb but for me it was big. I have friends that love me and die for me. I have a great family. I’ve had girls that have had feelings for me. But I just never believed it myself until then. We both acknowledged feelings but we are back to normal. She is flirty though and she’ll make sexually suggestive comments but basically we’re the same. I just look at things and always think about how it will end. I don’t want to get serious and then later we break up and I lose someone again. Especially after how much I’ve opened up. I’m not sure what I should do. I would like to be with her. She’s great and I find her very attractive but I’m worried. I’ve been in more stressful situations than this but I think this is the first time in my life I’ve felt anxious about something.
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TLDR Me and my best friend have mutual feelings but she’s the first person I’ve ever felt safe around
2 comments
It doesn’t sound like either of you want to stay strictly platonic, it’s a risk you should probably take. You both got physical pretty quickly after meeting.
You may break up after a year, 3 or 10 years, or be together forever. That doesn’t mean it was a mistake, it also doesn’t mean that you have to lose each other forever. Plenty of people stay friends with exes, after time apart of course, if that’s what they both want.
All this to say, you aren’t guaranteed to have her around forever, friends or not. Don’t over think what ifs and decide if you would regret not trying to be together? It sounds like a risk worth taking.
Definitely talk to her about all this and how you are feeling so she can let you know her thoughts as well
What does your heart tell you?
Talk with her and express how you feel. Be gentle, be authentic, be loving. Tell her why this scares you. It will only bring you closer together.
I am proud of you for opening up yourself, expressing your emotions, and being vulnerable. It’s not easy! Keep growing dude!