To preface I’m not a very likeable person and it is something I’d like to work on. However, I’ve become completely obsessed with being liked. It’s infiltrated every part of my life even when I’m alone. I can’t talk to anyone without constantly feeling pressured to be this new likeable person and every response I give I first think “what is the most likeable thing I can say?”. When I try to ignore the thought, it’s like an alarm goes off in my head telling me I can’t possibly be likeable without obsessing over being likeable.
What are some qualities that make someone likeable?
How can I find a balance of making an effort without absolutely obsessing over it?
6 comments
It’s best to be yourself, as cliche as it sounds.
Otherwise just make sure you are being friendly and respectful and I’m sure you’ll be likeable as a result.
I’ve one read an article that took a different spin on this topic. Essentially, wanting to be liked, being anxious about how others percieve you is a form of selfishness. YOU want to be liked, YOU want to be looked up to, yada yada. Instead of thinking about how to be liked, think about making sure others are comfortable around you and when conversing with you. Think about others, not yourself.
If I try too hard to be liked, it has the opposite effect.
One key thing to remember is WHAT you say is far less important than HOW you say it. I do have a list of qualities that are almost universally likeable, I call them ECHO: Enthusiasm, Confidence, Humor & Optimism. You don’t need all four to be likeable, but if you start working on developing two of them, that’ll be a big step forward.
Good luck!
Be confident, be your authentic self. Be unique. Don’t try hard to be liked. The people who are well-liked do it effortlessly.
Maybe look deeper within yourself as to why you have such an obsession over being liked by people – like you need validation from others. Why ? There is no point seeking validation from other people if you’re not being your true self, because that would mean people will only like you for the front that you put on, and not your true character.
How are you not likable? Are you actually an asshole, or did you convince yourself that you aren’t likable?