What is one instance in your life that made you think we live in a patriarchal society?

20 comments

1. One instance? Really? How about most of my entire existence.

2. I was employed by a fortune 100 company for a while when I was young. Mine was an entry level clerical position, and I had limited experience so that was a good starting point for me, but I had a coworker who had started as a sales assistant. She had worked hard and learned much and was eventually promoted to be a full fledged sales rep. (The only female sales rep in the regional office.) All of us ladies were so proud of her. Then management decided not to hire someone to replace her as sales assistant. It was made clear to her that she would be expected to continue providing clerical assistance to the other sales reps, in addition to her sales duties…despite her promotion. That is when I realized how patriarchal things were. Granted, this was appx 30 years ago, but I’ve never forgotten how hard she worked, how disappointed and angry she was, nor how oblivious the other sales reps and management were to the fundamental unfairness of it all.

3. My dad wouldn’t help me with math homework because “girls are bad at math and there’s nothing that can be done about it.”

4. Working in professional kitchens that were total boy’s clubs. Was paid less, constantly micromanaged (often incorrectly), heard jokes about me having PMS after confrontations.

5. [removed]

6. My coworker and I started the same job on the same day. I had a degree in that field and he didn’t. He made $1 more than I did starting.

7. My high school counselor 40 plus years ago told me I wouldnt go to college, that I would get married because that is what girls do. She was wrong. Boyfriend at the time assumed Id marry him and move to California-told me so. He was wrong.

8. Just one? Okay then.

   When I was a young adult, newly moved out of the house, my mom forced my dad to dismantle his train board so she could have her own office. The train board was his baby. It filled a whole room and he’d spent countless hours assembling it all himself. I was appalled that my mom would do that.

   Fast Forward twenty years. As part of my efforts to get past PTSD from an abusive marriage, I was writing my personal history. I was describing my childhood home and had an eye opening moment.

   We were a family of seven living in a small four bedroom house. Two of the four bedrooms were filled with dad’s hobbies, one with his train board and one with his books. We crowded into the two bedrooms and made the family room into makeshift bedrooms as well.

   I realized that I’d been brought up to believe that men’s wants were more important than everyone else’s needs. That theme formed the foundation of my marriage.

9. Just one??? Haha

10. Trump

11. Expected to work full time after maternity leave with my request to work part time or slightly flexible hours denied. The little consideration given to new mums is sad. And often bosses are male.

12. How about one that makes us feel it’s not? Which I also can’t think of. Pretty much everything is male focused.

13. When I entered the 3rd year of my degree, and saw that now all my classes were 80% men, and I knew for a fact a decent number of women dropped out because of harassment they faced

14. Going to extended family events and watching the older men stand back whilst all the women, (including their female partners who are also older and should get a sit down) did all the cleaning, preparing, serving, packing up. This male behaviour influenced their sons and younger guys who also learnt the benefits of sitting back.

    If the women asked, then the men would do a task or so. But it’d be one small thing then back to relaxing. The younger guys would help more willingly.

    Meanwhile those hours have been hard work for the women with hardly a moment to rest; but a fun and relaxing beer-drinking catch-up for the men.

    Also: the list is endless and this example is a just a small example of how we experience patriarchy!

15. A coworker who had the same job as me would take his clients out to a strip club to schmooze them and make deals.

16. Watching the news I suppose. IRL I thankfully don’t deal with much.

17. Realising that all the famous philosophers and “thinkers” are all men (stoics, western and eastern philosophies, religions, current modern authors of best-selling non-fiction books).
    We still quote them everyday and use their advice. But what about women’s ideas?

    Realising that most famous music and movie composers and directors were/are men, especially classical music and art.

18. When I wanted to get my tubes tied and they had to talk to my now ex-husband before proceeding.

19. My husband and I are co-owners of our home and co-owners of a home warranty policy on our home.

    When we need to use the home warranty, I am the one who opens the requests for service. I put my name, my phone number, my email on them. I am the one at home so I open the requests with my contact info and specifically request they contact me.

    A good 50-75% of the time, they call my husband first.

20. When I was engaged, my (former) boss (who was a great boss when he kept his non-work opinions to himself) asked if I was going to change my last name when I got married. I told him I wasn’t sure, and his response:

    “How will you guys be a family then?”

    We already are a family, we have 3 dogs together.

    “What if, when you guys have kids and they get older, they think ‘mom has one foot out the door because she didn’t even change her name to the same as ours’?”

    ….I’m sorry, because kids having the same last name as their dad keeps the dad in the picture? That hasn’t been MY experience….