What is something that someone told you that completely changed how you see yourself?

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  1. My therapist told me that in a dysfunctional family the healthy person will always be the “black sheep”. Forever changed how I view being an “outcast” in my very, very dysfunctional family which was so healing to realize the problem wasn’t me, it was *them*.

  2. I can’t remember the exact quote…. It goes something like this, “Beauty is not static. Just because someone is beautiful doesn’t mean you can not be. Beauty is dynamic.”

    I learned this when I had lower self esteem. You know when girls bag on other girls for stupid reasons like, to much makeup, dressed scandalously. It taught me that just because they’re beautiful and getting attention doesn’t demote my beauty or anyone else’s for that matter.

    Now, when I see someone or something I’m essentially jealous of. I go into an “awe” state. I realize how gorgeous and confident those women are! Then, how I aspire to have such happiness and confidence in my skin. It also opens up the ability to compliment these beautiful girls or boys! 🙂

  3. My sister-in-law said I had really small pores on my face and she was jealous. I had never paid attention to my pores before that nor did I even know that it was something people cared about, but now I do pay more attention to them and they are starting to bother me. (I’m in my early 40s and my skin is changing.)

  4. “Anger is a way to protect your boundaries. People who wanted your boundaries gone told you your anger makes you evil”

  5. A friend in college told me I was the most positive person she’d ever met, and it flipped my image of myself on its head. I’d never viewed myself as positive, mainly because I was unhappy, but that comment made me realize I really do try to look on the bright side.

  6. My therapist told me that she admires how strong and empathetic I am. I always viewed myself as weak and overly emotional, so when she pointed this out, she elaborated and told me that a lot of people shut down and become empty shells after experiencing things that I’ve experienced. She thought it was beautiful that I was able to take those experiences and use it to learn how to better care for and about others, which in turn helped me to learn how to better care for myself. I’ve viewed myself in a whole different light since that therapy session.

  7. “No one thinks about you as much as you think about them thinking about you”

    I am not the center of anyone else’s universe, it really helped as a formerly anxious person.

  9. I’ve struggled with low self esteem, both in terms of how I look and in what I bring to the table in friendships/relationships. I’ve always felt like other people aren’t interested in me

    A few years ago, a girl at work told me that she was incredibly envious of my body and wished that she looked more like me. She mentioned how tall and skinny I am. I’d never had someone tell me something like that in the past.

    Over the past year, several people I’ve gotten close to have mentioned to me that I’m very different from other people they meet in terms of how I make them feel. They’ve said that I’m a better listener than most people, that I take the time to stop and listen to what the other person is saying, really take that information in, and *then* respond. I’ve also had people tell me that I make them feel really good about themselves. I’m a very optimistic person and I tend to try to lift up those around me, and it’s good to see that I seem to leave a lasting impact on other people

    My self esteem has gotten a lot better, but it took going through a lot to get here.

  10. I was feeling insecure in a situation with another woman. I felt she was much prettier than me. She was blond, younger, had never had a child. I read a quote that Christmas Lights and Flowers are completely different but both beautiful in their own way . I realized that even with my darker hair and mom body I still have something to offer.

  11. 1. “I love the way your mind works!”
    I was 13. That was the first compliment I got which acknowledged my individuality. Everything else I’ve ever received was because of compliance to social norms or me benefiting others. “I could be loved for being me” was a realization I couldn’t put into words then but I still get teary thinking about it now.

    2. “You’re my fave color”
    From a person who called me Blue. I never realized people could see me as concepts, and I could too. It made taking on social judgment so easy and I found healthier ways to digest them.
    “You’re too bold!”
    “Oh, like those cool 60s style fonts? Cool!”
    “I mean you’re obnoxious.”
    “Yeah I’m feeling particularly neon today, maybe I’ll be a pastel tomorrow?”

  12. My therapist told me a few years ago that I don’t show many facial expressions. That made me very insecure actually. I had no idea that I sometimes look/act like a robot. It’s not something that I was aware of.

    I have found a better therapist now. But I don’t think I’ll forget what he said back then. Sometimes I try to make extra or more facial expressions so that people will think I act normal. But I don’t know if it looks fake or forced now.

    It’s crazy how one small thing can stay in someone’s mind forever.

  13. So I’ve always hated my nose right ? I’ve always had this idea that beautiful women have tiny pointed up noses like in Disney movies, unrealistic but w.e

    I was talking to the guy I liked at the time and kept complaining about it, and he said so what ? My friend’s girlfriend has a big nose and she’s beautiful, and it was like it clicked at that time not only that I was obsessing over such a silly thing, but in my head no one could ever be attracted to women with larger than 2inch noses idk.

  15. My sister described me as resilient and it completely boosted my self confidence. This was after I took care of my grandmother for 2 weeks on her deathbed and my family was afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

  16. Earlier this week my boyfriend, i guess now ex bf, told me “you must have some low level retardation”. He told me that the only person who can stand to be around me is my boss, and even he’s only using me. I have been pretty much replaying his words in my mind for 5 days straight now. I kind of think he must be right, that there must be something wrong with me if im getting so little good out of my life right now. Im trying to fight that thought as much as i can.

  17. When I was maybe 12 I overheard my dad telling his buddy that I was cute but not hot enough or pretty enough compared to city girls. Acted like an ugly chick my entire teenage years. Still do sometimes but I try to catch myself.

  18. I actually read it here. “You can’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”.

  19. My therapist told me, due to my queer identities, that most of my issues with feeling unsatisfied in life, not having the social circles I want, feeling being left out, etc aren’t often my fault but because the world doesn’t make room for queer people like me and its a cishet’s world made for other cishet’s, from top to bottom. I keep that in mind when I find myself on the outside looking in or unfairly rejected or marginalized. They’re not making room for people like me. I’m fine and people like me are fine. Cishet culture is the problem and changing attitudes and activism are the only way to pave a way for queer folk to be seen as regular folk. So I do my part so that those growing up now won’t feel like I did, and hopefully won’t have my experiences.

    I still remember the first time she told me, “The world doesn’t make space for people like you,” and I think about that very often. It also has helped me see the other types of people the world doesn’t make space for and makes me more sympathetic to them, even if I was previously very liberal and progressive, but after that realization, the experiences of other marginalized people are more important and more noticeable to me. My attitude changed from a defeatist, “This is just how the world is,” to a more optimistic “If we truly try to change things, all of this awfulness could end in a single generation.”

  20. A doctor examined me again after 4 years of cancer treatment. She said that she remembered me, because there was “something about me” and then said that I “haven’t changed a bit”

    I know it sounds like such a nothing comment to make but it made me feel so special, and so strong. I am starting to see myself as the strong person that others see

  21. “Everything that will ever go wrong for you or already has, you completely deserve it and you always will.”

  22. My fiancé told me that I’m a hassle and all I do is take from him

    I really only ask for the bare minimum, which he doesn’t do. The words echo in my mind all the time. Asking to have my needs met is too much…

  23. Got told I look nice when I smile and laugh. That really helped me be a happier person.

  24. Someone was describing a tall confident woman and pointed to me and said you know, like you

  25. My academic counselor at school today told me that the first time she met me she knew I had self-doubt issues and was not too sure of myself, yet. Now, she’s seen all of the growth I’ve had since and is so proud of me and everything I’m doing (I’m about to graduate undergrad in almost a month) and she made sure to tell me that today. I’ve felt so giddy ever since! It really means a lot to hear someone say they are proud of you, and that’s something I don’t hear very often from my family, so hearing someone else say it really hits home to me.

  26. Girl once told me that if I talked more, I would have more friends. Made me realize that I was doing alright socially despite my anxiety cause I didn’t want friends like her.

  27. One time my friend told me that I was the happiest person they had ever met, like a deep sense of happiness and satisfaction with life. I was depressed at the time. I thought it was there for all to see, but realized I’m not transparent at all.

  28. 1. Anger is a defensive emotion.

    2. My current girlfriend says I am sexy. I always thought of myself as a dorky-looking goof.

  30. Stick to the facts. Don’t let events define me. Don’t let accomplishments / failures define who I am as a person. Instead, let events be a learning opportunity and personal growth

  31. I had a male bully when I was in elementary and I had just started puberty and was barely noticeably growing a chest and he pointed it out to a group of boys in front of me and they laughed. At like age 17 I was talking to my mom and I said “I wear t-shirts all the time bc I don’t want anyone knowing I have a chest and I don’t know why” she told me it’s been that way since he did that and it blew my fucking mind. Everything made so much sense then. I didn’t realize I’ve always been fighting what he did to me until that moment.

  33. A lady who was doing my pedicure who I met for the first time talked to me for maybe 4 minutes before saying “you have an amazing personality” I almost cried.😂

  34. “You’re fun to be around when you’re just being yourself. You’re a really great person and you hide it.” Right before I met my fiancé

  35. My boyfriend told me that his favorite part about me was my nose like with no hesitation or thought … I asked why and he said cause it makes me look like a cat (I have a dent in my nose kinda like a cats)&& I’m also a crazy cat lady w 3 cats so honestly it became my favorite part about myself and I never even noticed it before he said something

  36. My friend did an egg ceremony on me and as soon as he put the egg on my body he told me I was like a field of pure marigolds and that I need to realize that people love me for me. His words really changed how I see myself and made me finally feel confident in myself which is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. He changed my life for the better.

  37. Someone close to me told me that I could be “intimidating”.

    I had no idea, honestly. I’m a *small* guy, like 5’4″ tall. It now try not to be… whatever I was that was intimidating, but it weirdly gave me a lot of social confidence to know that I had that in me.

  38. Content warning

    “You were beautifully and wonderfully made”

    My Mom is christian, I’m autistic. There are many reasons why I left christianity, but I’d say that she handled my insecurities in a really good way

    I thought I was just stupid for years as a kid, that’s what I was told by other people at school. Even teachers would get mad when I didn’t understand something. My own siblings were embarrassed to be around me in public, and would exclude me in everything. They didn’t even hide it either, not went on for a long time in my childhood.

    At the time I didn’t understand why I was different, I hated how I was treated because of ableism, and that turned into me hating myself.

    Mom would tell me that bible verse every day and tell me that her god doesn’t make mistakes, so therefore I was not a mistake, and my autism made me unique. Along with autism is beautiful

    I don’t remember what age I stopped caring about what the ableist ppl think, but I realize that I just didn’t need toxic people like that in my life. They were not worth my time.

    So naturally I made friends with other autistic kids I met in my special-needs class, and having artistic friends also over time helped me accept myself. If I didn’t think my friends were stupid for being autistic, why did I think I was?

  39. last night in the bar after chatting briefly:

    beautiful woman: “omg are your teeth fake!” *flirty tone

    me, oblivious male: “uhh haha yea one of the front ones?” (multiple trauma from sports/injuries)

    me, a second later: realizing she was complimenting my smile *fuuuuck*

    fun night though.

    takeaway: more confidence bruh

    edit: annnnd just realizing i’m on askwoman. i stay taking Ls ☹️

  40. You have social anxiety, you’re going to react this way in a group setting (withdraw, get quiet, etc). It’s perfectly normal and okay for you to do so. And it’s perfectly okay for you to keep to yourself when you want to, the people around you don’t have a right to your attention, nor do they need you to give them your attention just because you’re present. Do the best you can, and that’s enough

    I used to think that I was so worthless and weird because I don’t connect with others in the same way (extremely fucked up background and anxiety, so very distrustful of others intent towards me). I’m on the antisocial personality disorder spectrum so I’ve taught myself to accept myself as I am, and that I don’t experience relationships the way that others do. It’s made a huge difference, because by extending small mercies to myself, by embracing a part of myself that I’ve always loathed, I’ve started to understand myself better, and when I treat myself more like a human and not just a person who needs to be perfect or “normal”, I find out that I’m more capable of the relationships that I want in my life and of giving/recieving love than I originally realized. Counseling helped a lot with that.

  41. I have always struggled with self doubt and As a result, I over analyze every single detail of a decision or situation. Sometimes to the point that I feel incompetent and beat myself up internally.

    I recently started a job about six months ago and was I was discussing an interaction with a patient (I had been very stressed about this specific conversation and imposter syndrome kicking in hard) and sharing how relieved I was it went well because of all my worries beforehand.

    This co worker assisted with training me so she is often my go to for debriefing. She smiled and shared that she often feels I inspire her (she is someone I look up to tremendously). She shared that her and another co worker were talking about how they wish I could see the person they see: a smart, engaging, and thoughtful professional that has all the skills there.

    That moment really transformed my thoughts from “I feel like I’m playing a role” to “ I am a competent and respected professional”

  42. She wasn’t the first, or the second, or even the fortieth person that said it. But when my long time friend said I was intimidating, and that when we first met she didn’t think I would ever want to be friends with her it was different. It made me feel powerful. Put together. Desired.

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