Seriously though. How do people start dating? Ordinary people, the couples I see in my college, in my town.
It’s certainly not a maturity thing – people of all ages date. And it’s not really an attractiveness thing either, because I’ve seen taken unattractive people and single attractive people.
I think I am a deep person, at least I am being told so. But it’s incredibly hard to show this and see it in others.
Is it possible to take the time to know a girl without being friendzoned? I hate making same compliments about appearances, I don’t really know how to flirt or risk make moves without somebody thinking its harassment.
I am sick of counting years. Most of my life, until 17, I haven’t been trying. Now at 20 I’m really trying, to no avail. Am I trying too hard?
How do I make a girl feel amazing and speak what she thinks is important to her without trying too hard, being seen as needy?
Basically, please somebody who dated before, tell me how it hapoened to you so that I can hopefully extrapolate your experience on my situation
5 comments
It takes time I’m in my late 20’s still dating and finally feel like it’s the one. But it’s a hit or miss with people I definitely recommend not to try too hard because that might turn them off. Keep the conversation interesting and don’t try to press your luck too hard just slowly work your way into a relationship.
I didn’t go on my first date until after high school. Was into my second year of college before seriously dating someone and I regretted it because I didn’t even really like her. I just felt it was better than being alone. I was mistaken of course but that takes years of hindsight to realize! You’re young! Connect with people your age about things you’re interested in. Join clubs, go to parties, make mistakes, but be respectful always. You never know what someone else’s life has been like so it’s the least you could do to be kind. This has helped tremendously in terms of finding people wanting to date. Sticking around is another story, but keep at it and you’ll find someone you’re excited about eventually
It is very difficult for men I think. I am a 19F. I’ve initiated most of my relationships. But I dont wish to do that anymore. Every guy I’ve asked out has led to a relationship where I wear the pants and I dont really want that. I’ll tell you what I like personally and what a lot of women like.
Be confident. I know for some that doesnt come easy. If you go to work, try to do good work and be confident in that. Maybe you have a hobby you like. Find things to try and be confident in.
If you see a girl you might fancy, you can try with direct eye contact sometimes. Look at her intentionally, and don’t just look away immediately if she sees you, look for a second or two more. Again, be confident. Compliment her on something. Try to find a time to talk to her.
Now, as for knowing if she likes you or not can be difficult. I would think most girls are pretty indirect about this. Sometimes you might have no way of knowing. If you really like her, you should go for it. I know most girls always expect to be asked out and they might be waiting. If you get rejected, that sucks. Trust me I’ve been there a couple times. But I think as a man, you must take risks.
As for when it comes to having deeper conversations, you can try for that before asking her out or it might have to be after. It depends. I also consider myself someone that would much rather discuss an interesting topic instead of just watching memes or something. You can try to see if they like having conversations or not, if they dont then obviously don’t go for it. However some girls might be more shy and you might not know if they are down for that or not until later.
I can only give so much advice for dating women. As a woman myself I don’t even understand the way I feel sometimes, shit is stupid 😂 Just be yourself, don’t be too afraid to take risks and if you really like a girl just go for it.
Hello! A big reason I think it’s just luck. I don’t know your situation, but in my case, I only had my first and only boyfriend (now husband) when I was 22 and have been together for 11 years. I tried to date a few guys before that, but it just never happened for some reason. Of course I still don’t know for sure I never got to date or even kiss the other guys, but looking back at the guys I used to like vs my now husband…I see that those who I was chasing weren’t really for me and can’t picture my life with any of them (based on who they are now as adults) but my husband. Maybe you are trying to date the wrong person?
I’m thankful I was lucky enough to find a best friend in my marriage, and maybe the same thing can happen to you. Don’t compare yourself to others, because every person is a world and some things or relationships aren’t just meant to be. We can’t make other people like us, but you can control your life by focusing on yourself as much as possible, on your hobbies, health, etc. and you will attract the right person eventually. Cheers!
Okay, i’ll bite.
>**I think I am a deep person**, at least I am being told so. But it’s incredibly hard to show this and see it in others. Is it possible to take the time to know a girl without being friendzoned? **I hate making same compliments about appearances**, **I don’t really know how to flirt or risk make moves without somebody thinking its harassment.**
If you were so deep, then you would have no problem complimenting a woman on a deeper level and surface beauty. You would recognize beautiful character traits and behavior in her and would be able to put that into a well thought out compliment the kind of which is never got before. The kind that shows her you understand her, you are interested in her beyond looks and the kind that is basically showing off your beautiful deep mind to her and make her like you for it.
Flirting is taking calculated risks. You won’t be able to flirt if you are not willing to risk “offending” someone. Flirting is overcoming norms and boundaries in a playful way because you are confident that they are more into you than they have clearly shown. Flirting is about knowing your appeal to the other and behaving like it, before facts about it have been established. It requires to be very in tune with all the signals the other person sends and interpreting in the right way; being very confident in yourself and making good judgments on the boundaries she is willing to allow you to break. You learn that by having lots of social interactions and by being pretty fond of yourself, so you can put yourself into a state of mind where you think the other person thinks of you as greatly as you do of yourself in that situation. There is no way to navigative flirting boundaries when you think you are a failure and nobody is interested in you.
>Now at 20 I’m really trying, to no avail. Am I trying too hard? How do I make a girl feel amazing and speak what she thinks is important to her without trying too hard, being seen as needy?
How does your “trying” look like? You make her feel amazing by being an active listener and making her feel desired for both looks and personality. Understand what she says and expand on that with sharing your deep inner world on that topic, being interested on her take on it. Flirt with her without the goal to have sex. Just flirt because flirting makes both participants feel good and it hones your flirting skill. You won’t be needy if you don’t expect anything from it.