We were dating one year and one month. I knew pretty early that something bothers him but he’d never open up. He’d get night terrors at night, he couldn’t sleep, his insomnia was very bad, he woke up crying and screaming, he was moody, he was just very troubled. But he was a wonderful boyfriend. He cared for me and made me feel like no one else.
He told me a few months in our relationship that he thinks he suffers from trauma. He’d never go into detail but whenever he told me about it, he was shaking, couldn’t speak in full sentences, he stuttered, he just couldn’t tell me. He was always just like “uhh… it was bad, something bad happened”. I never asked him to tell me because I realized how hard it is for him but I told him whenever he wants to talk, he can come to me.
And he did a month ago. I also don’t want to go into detail but I can tell he was exposed to violent behavior for a long period of time when he was a teenager. Bullied and I was honestly shocked when he told me the details. But I was very proud of him. He had to pause multiple times, it took many hours for him to tell me.
I thought that’d be the ultimate peak in our relationship and now we can really look into a nice future. Well, thought wrong. Yesterday he broke up with me. He cried, thanked me for being there for him but that he realized that’s just not who he is. He told me he’s sorry and that it’s not my fault. He also said that he loves me but not the way I think he does.
So yeah, feeling really bad now. Don’t even know why I post this, I just want to get my thoughts out. I’d really appreciate some nice words and maybe some advice on how to deal with this.
5 comments
Awwwww I’m sorry for you and him. If he dumped an emotional load on you. He’s just regretting that decision a little bit. His reaction is probably normal and you should just stay calm and be there when he’s ready to reach back out don’t ask him too many questions like if it’s OK and stuff.
As someone who’s been through bad physical trauma as well, the best thing you can do is accept that in the end his decision to break up with you isn’t about you, it’s about him.
Give him time and space. Offer support but don’t be pushy. And above all else, let go of the idea of getting back together with him until he brings it up. Fr if he’s doing as badly as it sounds, he’s got no business being in a relationship anyway. He needs to put his focus into himself and healing from whatever he’s battling inside.
I’d leave him be to cool of and maybe message that you love him and your always will be there if you need to talk or want some company! He’s was really brave tell you everything so maybe he’s just having a bit of a panic about it and it might have brought all the emotions back to him x give him time and be supportive and hopefully he can work it out
well maybe you can be friends
He was really brave to tell you & it probably shook things loose he needs to evaluate in his life. That’s a huge moment. No idea what’s next for him (& you) but if he moves on, its not you. He sounds great but time can be funny.