We’ve been together a couple of years and lived together most of that time, so we do everything together. So, Any time we are out and he’s talking making friends, or in work chats (he works from home and sometimes I overheard) he always says “I” when telling stories about our trips. “I went to so and so last summer and I went here and did this” type of thing. Or like says “my apartment” and “my cats.”
Clearly our lives are intertwined but he presents himself as a single person. This just rubs me wrong. I feel like he is leaving me out of his life. He doesn’t really tell me about his work relationships or ever mention any “water cooler” chats he’s had during the day. But I can sometimes hear his laugh clear into My office! I just feel like I am missing out on a Huge part of his life because he just won’t share. I feel like there is almost this subconscious separation of me from his work life.
I don’t know how to think about this. I feel like maybe it’s just a silly thing, but his gf texted him tonight about our old apartment complex and when he mentioned “I’m moving back there actually” she got So excited and sent three texts in row, with all the “!” and told him she was moving back to town and wanted to come live there too. (He showed me the texts) I mentioned that by saying “I” instead of “we” he was implying to her he was single and she got the wrong idea and was probably interested in rekindling. He brushed it off saying no they’re just friends, but agreed to test my theory. Well in the next text she asked about a gym, and he replies “no but we have a gym membership here at X” and she responded “okay.”
I mean gotta give me my props here. I am clearly feeling right about how these “I” statements can come off as available to women, and are def inappropriate to me. Tbh I feel disrespected. I don’t want to be an asshole but now I’m just wondering how many “open doors” has he created with his coworkers and wondering if that is why he keeps me so far removed?
How do I go about approaching this discussion without sounding like a jealous brat? I don’t think he would cheat, but could he be future farming?! Could this be a totally innocent thing, or am I right in suspecting that this has a more serious undertone?
TLDR: BF makes statements that make him come across single and I am worried this is a serious red flag and more than an innocent turn of phrase. How do I reconcile these concerns
6 comments
Ask him why he does it, proving an example. Then listen to understand what he is saying.
It’s probably nothing but the only people I’ve known who did this were really obsessed with themselves
If he consistently doesn’t include you in his life, that’s something to discuss with him. If he includes you with friends, family, on social media, etc then I wouldn’t worry too much about his pronoun use with coworkers. Half my coworkers don’t even know I’m in a relationship, because my interactions with them revolve around work.
My boyfriend does that as well. So annoying. I will be standing right next to him and he will be telling people he did this he went hete etc.
And i do unfortunately think it is because he is relatively self centered/selfish imo
Anytime I catch h myself saying I instead of we I just quickly say “we”
Next time he is telling a story and says ‘I’, get up and leave the table/room. When he asks why, tell him since he was the only one there, then there is no reason for you to have to hang around and hear it since you were there as well.
And I ain’t going to put up with it.